Buoyancy
by lost-in-maine
Summary: Kurt's life gets flipped upside down with the sudden death of his husband, Blaine Anderson. Now faced with the task of raising their son- Zeke on his own, he moves to New York City to get away from the pain and sorrow.
1. Prologue

**AN: Hi there, this is my first fanfiction but i've written many original stories. This is basically the background behind Blaine's death. If you'd like, you're more than welcome to skip over this chapter purely because i know a lot of people dont like character death (completely understandable as even i dont like it). If you've got any questions/concerns/or comments, feel free to message me on tumblr (lost-in-maine) or PM me on here. I hope you enjoy!**

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><p>It was a Tuesday when Kurt found out. He had been watching a rerun of the latest episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills when a sudden knock on the door had him on his feet. He combed his hair with his hands a few times, trying to tame any stragglers before he opened the door, not caring to check to see whom it could be. He had been upset that the person had chosen this time in the afternoon to visit, due to the fact that it had taken nearly an hour and a half to get Ezekiel - Zeke to go to sleep.<p>

"Mr. Hummel-Anderson?" When Kurt opened the door, he was faced with a man in a tailored uniform. Kurt felt the air leave him in one swift rush. There would only be one occasion that a man in uniform would be standing on the step of Kurt's front porch.

"No, please no." Kurt's hand covered his mouth, his lungs working under the sudden pressure of an oncoming panic attack.

"Mr. Hummel-Anderson, my name is Mike Meddleson, a Casualty Assistance Officer, and I'm sorry to say this, but your husband has been killed in action. There was an explosion, and Mr. Hummel-Anderson, being the brave man that he was, made sure his fellow soldiers had been brought to safety before himself. He made the ultimate risk and saved so many lives with this action." The man reached out a comforting hand to place on the young man's shoulder before handing over an American flag and a few medals Blaine had earned. "We'll remain here and help plan the ceremony... I'm very sorry for your loss, Mr. Hummel-Anderson." The man retreated to the car after making sure Kurt wouldn't pass out and potentially hurt himself.

Kurt held the flag to his chest as he went back into their house and shut the door. He slid down the green doorframe, his body shaking softly. He let the flag and medals fall to his lap before pulling his knees to his chest, the items being trapped between the two.

Kurt's mind was racing. It had only been two days ago that he had last seen Blaine's face on his computer screen. The smile reaching both of their eyes knowing that they only had to wait a single week more before they would be in each other's arms once again. Blaine hadn't been home in nearly six months, and was about to be home after his last and final term overseas.

Blaine had decided in his second year of college that he wanted to go into the army. He had gone in studying medical- his father, grandfather and great grandfather had been doctors-, and since Cooper's recent graduation from med school, he had decided to become a doctor as well.

It wasn't that Blaine was bad at what he did, he loved math, enjoyed science and could tolerate blood; he just felt that he wasn't doing anything to prove to his father that he could change the world. It wasn't uncommon knowledge that Blaine's father had all but forgotten about him when he came out, and since then, he had been trying to prove to the man that he was worth it. It had been one rainy afternoon that he had stopped by a recruitment office to grab a packet of information that decided his fate.

Kurt had argued with him for weeks that he would end up hurt, or even killed if he went into the army, but Blaine was set, there was no changing it. Blaine had told his father, and for the first time in years his father had smiled at him in pride. Later that week, Blaine signed up for the military with a smile.

Kurt and Blaine had managed to get married, stay in love and have a child in between the times that Blaine was at home from wherever he was stationed. Kurt was proud of Blaine, and as time passed, saying goodbye seemed easier, because the less they thought about the distance, the quicker time passed.

And now Blaine was gone, and all Kurt could do was curse himself for not trying harder to convince Blaine to stay home. Try a career in music or teaching. They would have children, one from Blaine and one from Kurt. In the future, they'd take their kids to see shows on Broadway, vacation in Rome, and spend a week at Disney because Kurt knew that any kid of Blaine Anderson would be a Disney fanatic. It seems that things would never go that way.

When the pair decided that it was time for them to become parents, they had made the decision not to use a surrogate that they were close to. It had been the couple's fear from stage one that the mother might run away with their child, but after being assured (and signing legal documents) they began their search for their perfect surrogate. Blaine had insisted they find someone who resembled Kurt, and in the end they did. It had taken nearly three years for them to have Zeke.

While Kurt didn't mind raising their son while his husband was gone, he wasn't too sure he'd be able to do it without a partner at all.

Blaine had only met their son three times- at the time of his birth, during his two weeks between rotations and finally, for their son's first birthday. It's not as if Zeke would know any different; he was barely old enough to remember anything when he was older. Kurt would remember, every time he looked into his little boy's hazel-gold eyes and curly brown hair, he would see Blaine.

Their entire house was filled with Blaine: pictures from high school, pictures from college, pictures during their wedding and honeymoon and even pictures of times when Blaine would be home from war. Trinkets were scattered across the house as well, the warbler pin, a small trinket of Ariel and Eric from their Disney trip, the wedding topper from their cake, as well as a few jars of shells that the pair had collected during their honeymoon. The Hummel-Anderson's house screamed Blaine, which only caused Kurt to cry harder.

Kurt stood after an hour of sitting against the door in a dazed mess. He walked towards their fireplace mantle, his fingers gently running over the most current picture of his –now deceased – husband. He let out a broken sob and went to Zeke's room as a wail was let out. He cradled the small one-year old, whispering hushed words into his little boy's ears. Kurt ran his fingers through Zeke's soft curls, humming the first tune that came to his head.

After shushing their child back to sleep, Kurt snagged a picture that sat on the table next to Zeke's crib.

_"Kurt! Blaine! You guys need a picture together as parents!" Kurt winced as Rachel's high-pitched voice sounded from the kitchen, his eyes shooting down to the sleeping newborn. The pair sighed from the chair that they sat cuddled in, the small baby wrapped in a light green blanket in Kurt's arms let out a soft sigh._

_It had been a long weekend, with the sudden birth of Zeke and Blaine's arrival a day later; Kurt had been constantly moving to keep things under control. It was just only on that Sunday afternoon that he had finally gotten a chance to sit down and relax with his family._

_"Rachel, we're perfectly comfortable here. If you'd like to take a picture, feel free to come into the living room." Kurt turned his head to the right and nuzzled his nose into Blaine's neck. Blaine ran the tip of his index finger across his newborn's face, the skin soft and untouched._

_From around the corner came Quinn, her camera hanging off a strap on her shoulder. "Sorry guys, I know you want some time alone, but Rachel will have my head if we don't get at least one picture of the happy family." Blaine chuckled and pulled Kurt closer to him._

_"It's fine Quinn. We just don't want him to wake up." The pair posed for a picture, the click of the shutter told them that they were done, and both returned their eyes to Zeke. Blaine rested his chin on Kurt's shoulder, his finger caught in the death grip of a baby. It was then that the shutter clicked again, causing the pair to look up in question._

_"Perfect." Quinn smiled to herself and made her way back into the kitchen._

A week later Kurt got both pictures in the mail; he sent the picture of Kurt and Blaine smiling at the camera to Blaine and framed the other one.

Kurt clutched the picture to his chest as he curled himself into the rocking chair that sat in the corner of the light green room. He watched silently out the window as the rain began to pour, the constant tapping of the droplets against the window quickly becoming background noise. Kurt sat there for hours; the small picture of Kurt, Blaine and Zeke lay forgotten in his lap; the soft sounds of a sleeping baby lulling him to sleep.

It was a week later that Kurt had the funeral for Blaine. It was a nice event, as nice as a funeral could be, at least. Due to the injuries that Blaine had faced during the accident, the casket was closed to family and friends. Blaine's face was seen throughout the entire ceremony; pictures of him throughout his entire life rested around the room, his favorite flowers bordering each of them.

Blaine's mother, father and brother had shown up to the ceremony. Kurt smiled softly as he watched the tears gather in his father's eyes. Blaine had managed to get his one wish; to make his father proud. Cooper had one arm wrapped around his mother and the other wrapped around his current girlfriend. He sent a soft smile to Kurt as another family stepped up to give the Anderson's their condolences.

Kurt held Zeke close as an officer approached him.

"Mr. Hummel-Anderson? We have managed to retrieve Mr. Hummel-Anderson's ring." The officer dropped the gold band, engraved with _teenage dream_ and wrapped with small diamonds onto Kurt's open palm. Kurt closed his fist around the ring, his heart clenching. He silently slipped the ring into his breast pocket. His fingers found his own and began to twist it slowly- a nervous habit that had appeared whenever news on the current war came up on the television.

The wake passed slowly for Kurt. It seemed as if everyone had decided to attend Blaine's service today- old Warblers, old New Directioners, and even a few of Blaine's friends from the service. Kurt took all of the condolences with a small smile and the shake of his hand. He had promised himself that he wouldn't cry in front of anyone.

Cooper had approached him alone sometime in the mid-afternoon; his hands tucked into his suit pocket.

"Hey Kurt," Cooper took the younger man into his arms, squeezing Kurt tightly. Cooper let go of Kurt to turn back to the funeral party, his eyes scanning the mourning crowd. "You know, after I found out about Blaine, I was unsure about what to say to you." Kurt's eyebrows shot up as he turned to face Cooper. Cooper hadn't changed much in the past few years. It was true that smile lines were starting to appear along with a few grey pieces of hair. It took Kurt only a moment to realize that Cooper had been crying before he had arrived at the wake, his eyes puffy and red. "It sounds odd, seeing as I've known you for so long and Blaine was just as important to me as he was to you, but I wasn't in love with him. God, I remember when we were younger, and I had to watch Blaine one night while our parents were out."

Kurt wrapped his arms securely around his waist. "I had just put Blaine to bed when he asked me to tell him a story and as usual, I told him a story about a prince and a princess and their love for each other. It wasn't until about half way through that Blaine stopped me. He asked, 'Coop, do you think that the prince can find another prince to love?' I had never mentioned it to Blaine when he grew up, but that was the moment that I realized he was different than other boys. I think, after he met you on that staircase is when he found his Prince. Blaine found his prince, married him and had a beautiful son with him. Don't ever think that Blaine didn't love you, he was a wonderful husband and if he were here, he'd tell you that you'll never be alone and to have courage for the future to come."

Kurt swallowed thickly, quickly wiping away a tear that had fallen. "Thank you, Cooper. I want you to know that you can call me anytime, and you better visit in the future. I want Zeke to have at least some connection to his father."

Cooper chuckled, "That little boy will know so much about Blaine by the time he comes of age that he'll feel like he knew his father himself." The older Anderson pulled Kurt into his arms once more; "I'll see you around, Kurt."

Kurt hadn't paid much attention to the other people who had given their condolences throughout the day. It wasn't as if Kurt didn't care, he just didn't want more pain.

It wasn't until Mrs. Anderson approached him that he realized Blaine was gone and would be for all of eternity.

"Kurt, son," Kurt had never heard that before, "George Eliot once said, 'our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them.'" Kurt quietly wondered how she could remember such a quote,"Blaine isn't gone, he never will be. He can be found here,' She placed a small, withered hand upon his chest, 'and in the air around you. If I knew one thing about Blaine that he was surer of than life itself, was that he loved you with every fiber of his being. You will never forget Blaine, thus you'll always know that he'll be there in times of trouble." Kurt tenderly wrapped his fingers around Mrs. Anderson's hand and squeezed it gently.

"Now, you go and raise that little boy with your head held high. You are strong Kurt, you were strong with Blaine here and you'll continue to be strong with him in your heart." She leaned forward and placed a delicate kiss on Kurt's cheek. "We love you, sweetheart, and we always will." She stepped back slowly and moved towards her husband at a calm pace.

He buried his husband later in the afternoon, and stayed an extra few hours to say his own last goodbyes. Kurt was certain that when the wind blew at that moment, he could feel his husband wrapped around him.

It was only two days later, with a goodbye to his father, Carol, Finn, and the Anderson's that he hopped on a plane to New York. Kurt quickly promised each of them that they would be allowed to see their grandson and nephew whenever they pleased, as he gladly gave him his new phone number with a promise to tell them his new address when he got one.

Kurt had packed their home quickly. Avoiding things like their couch and most of the furniture. Kurt kept one lounge chair, the one that he and Blaine sat in every time Blaine came home. The one they found out they would be having a child in, the one Blaine had held his baby in for the very first time, and the one Blaine told Kurt everything would be fine in just six months prior and that nothing would separate them ever again. The leather chair that held all of Kurt's memories of Blaine; he just couldn't let himself get rid of that chair.

He told no one else, and slipped silently out of the state of Ohio without a second thought.

It was time for a fresh start, for him and his son.

Kurt lived in a duplex with one other couple, a pair that Kurt had met when he and Blaine had been at Dalton together. Everyone had seen it coming, and the fact that Kurt had merely bumped into Nick and Jeff on his first day in New York made it seem like fate to the three of them. They let him know about the duplex they lived in just across the river and how the other side had been vacant since the summer. Kurt followed them home and met with the landlord. The very next day, Kurt found himself moving all of his belongings into his new home; happy to know that at least there was one couple he could rely on in the big city.

Kurt quickly settled into a routine. He was getting paid by the government because of Blaine, and although it was nice not having to work, Kurt wasn't that type of person to just take from the government. So, after finding a decent daycare for Zeke, he managed to snag himself a job with a fashion designer in the city. Although just an assistant, at least he was helping with something he loved.

Months and years passed quickly with visits from his parents and the Andersons, and before Kurt could blink, the pain began to lessen just a little bit. He still missed Blaine, he couldn't sleep some nights without sobbing into his pillow, but he was living, or at least he thought he was. It wasn't until he ran into an old friend that he realized that though he was living, he wasn't necessarily alive.


	2. Chapter One

It was no surprise to Sebastian when he stepped onto the sidewalk of New York City that it was crowded as ever. He let his eyes take in the sight of the ever changing city, from the plump tourists who strolled by with eyes of wonder to business men and women dressed in suits who rushed by with the want to get home. It was a sight that he would never get tired of. Sebastian made his way towards Simon and Schuester Publishing Company's parking garage as the smell of sidewalk pretzels and hotdogs wafted through the air.

It had been a long day for Sebastian, but he enjoyed his job well enough that the endless hours never really bothered him. At the age of eighteen, Sebastian Smythe initially went into college with the hopes of becoming a lawyer. It was nearly three years later that Sebastian realized he wasn't happy. As much as he loved arguing and proving his point, he didn't want to make a career out of it.

Before his grandmother had passed, she encouraged Sebastian to go into publishing. She had been one of the very few people whom Sebastian told everything, so when she found out about his love for reading and writing, she had relentlessly urged him to get a job in that field. With a smile and a hug, Sebastian switched his major to English and graduated three years later from NYU. Two years later, between interning and actually working at Simon and Schuester, he received his Master's degree in Publishing.

Now, at the age of twenty-nine, Sebastian was working with five of the top literary authors in the world.

Sebastian was halfway there when the smell of freshly brewed coffee stopped him in his tracks. With a twitch of his wrist, he checked his watch and after realizing that he had some time to waste, he stepped inside Nico's.

Nico's was a place that he had found when he first moved to New York. It was a bit of a whole in the wall coffee shop that offered a warm and comforting atmosphere on any given day. The shop was a swirl of deep browns and soft oranges with dark leather couches and chairs lining the walls. The music changed daily, ranging from anything between country to soft jazz, classical and even soft rock. Today, in particular, Sebastian noted that the oldies were on.

"Sebastian!" He had been gazing at the most recent cover of Vogue, thumbing through the ads quickly as he waited in line. He smiled pleasantly at the girl in front of him.

"Hey Sam, the usual." Sam had come to be one of Sebastian's closest friends. She was short, with long straight blonde hair and curves that any woman would die for. Sam had bright blue eyes and a pretty, white smile that lit up the room. Her face was framed with thick-rimmed glasses; something that Sebastian thought made her seem so- mundane in comparison to her model-esque features.

His friend quickly finished up his drink and after hollering to her boss that she was going on break, she followed Sebastian over to one of the couches that faced the street.

Sebastian and Sam sat there for a few minutes; she was aimlessly talking about something that had happened on her most recent date with a random-faceless guy as he watched the throng of people outside.

"Oh! Seb! I almost forgot. Sally's having a party this weekend, turning seven and all, and I wanted to know if you'd come over." Sebastian's nose wrinkled, the thought of spending an entire day around screaming seven year olds didn't sound pleasing to him. "Oh, stop that," Sam said, patting his knee, "I know you love Sally, plus she's been begging me to bring you over for the past few weeks."

"Alright, alright; only because I love the little munchkin. I swear, though, if one of those little-" Sam cleared her throat, "starts to irritate me or spill anything on me, I'm out." His friend shook her head silently, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. She was the only one that ever saw through his facade. Sam's boss called her back to the counter when he noticed a stream of customers wander into the small shop.

"I'll see you later, Seb. Oh! Pick up something for Sally; I'm sure you'll find something wonderful and girlish." She patted his back and returned to the counter, a smile on her face as she helped the overweight tourist that stood before her.

Sebastian rolled his eyes and stood, draining the last few drops of his coffee. The hum of voices and the soft background music being the last thing he heard as he stepped out of the shop and back onto the busy streets. Hands in his pockets and head held high, he wove through the pedestrians in the direction of the parking garage.

Sebastian reached his black BMW M3 ten minutes later. He wasn't surprised to find that he was one of the last people to leave his office (even after stopping to talk to Sam for twenty minutes). Working as a book editor gave the employees the option to work from home as often as the pleased, but something about being in a big loft by himself never sat well with Sebastian. The tall man slid onto the cream colored leather of his car after placing his messenger bag on his side seat. He checked his rearview mirror twice before backing out of his spot, the low purr of the car echoing off the walls.

Sebastian sat at the parking lot exit for quite some time. He sighed softly to himself, his hands tapping against the wheel to the tune of an old Fleetwood Mac CD that he had placed in the drive a few days prior. His eyes glanced at the paper list that sat in his cubby, crinkled and worn from how hard he had gripped it that morning. With a groan he shifted his car onto the busy New York Street towards the nearest grocery store.

Sebastian hated grocery shopping. He hated the smell of old refrigerated air, crying babies and sweaty locals. He loathed the way some people would spend hours in their local store to only purchase a few items. He detested the uncontrollable children that roamed the isles and their backbone-less parents. Most of all, he hated running into the people that he knew.

Sebastian had grown to detest small talk. It had become a common occurrence since moving to New York after he had graduated high school. He had met a ton of people in college and at his work. Due to this, it wasn't uncommon for Sebastian to run into one of his many acquaintances. He had found out quickly that a small head nod and a tight lipped smile would please the other person, so he found himself doing that more often.

Today was no different than any other day that he had gone to the store. He had made eye contact with a few people, gave them his 'pleasant' smile and moved on. Sebastian had become less cold since graduating high school, realizing that making enemies wouldn't be the best way to get to the top in New York; at least, not at the start of his new life.

He made his way to the candy isle, after picking up a few of his necessities, something that had become a common occurrence since the sweet tooth had appeared a few months back. Sebastian stood in front of the variety pack bags of chocolate, his tongue running absentmindedly across the back of his teeth as he looked up and down the one continuous wall of chocolate. It wasn't until a few minutes later that Sebastian caught sight of a blonde a few meters down.

Sebastian's eyes widened at the appearance of this man. He had gone to Dalton with him, had sung in the Warblers with him, and had caught the boy on more than one occasion drunkenly making out with his best friend. Unlike in high school, the Man's blonde hair was swept up in a messy fashion and thick-rimmed glasses adorned his face. He had traded out the red and blue jacket for a grey sweatshirt that coincidently, if Sebastian had read it right, stated Dalton Academy Hockey. The man was holding two bags of gummies in his hands, trying to decide which would be the better deal.

"Well if it isn't a fellow Warbler, Jeff." The man's head snapped to the left to face Sebastian. Sebastian had surprised himself by acknowledging the man, but as he had once said – once a Warbler, always a Warbler.

"S-Sebastian? What on earth are you doing here?" Jeff's face read nothing but surprise as he tossed the two bags of candy into his basket.

"I like to escape the Upper East Side from time to time, socialize with some of the," Sebastian crinkled his nose, "lower class, if you know what I mean." Jeff's cheeks flushed in embarrassment. "Actually, my office is just down the road. It was smarter to stop here than all the way up there where the food is higher priced." Jeff's eyes trailed Sebastian's body, taking in the dark black suit and the smoky grey button-down that was accompanied by a purple tie.

"I take it you took your father's advice then?" Jeff motioned towards what Sebastian was wearing with a wave of his hand.

"Initially, I did. I actually work in publishing now. I'm not required to suit up, but sometimes it's nice to break out the nice stuff." Sebastian smiled pleasantly at Jeff, "To be completely honest, I could go to work in jeans and a t-shirt and my boss wouldn't care. He does seem to have a thing for khakis and tacky Hawaiian t-shirts."

Jeff let out a laugh, his eyes crinkling at the corners, "For some reason, I never pictured you working with someone so laid back. Publishing? Well, Smythe, I wasn't even sure you could read back in high school." Jeff teased with a smirk. Sebastian barked out a laugh as he ran a hand through his hair. He winked at the blonde and pulled off four bags of chocolate to toss into his own basket. Jeff's eyes widened.

"So, I take it you're not on the health kick anymore? God, in high school you were almost as bad as Ku…"

"Jeff, I told you to grab coffee and specifically stated no sugar. Nick told me not to let you buy any more candy; he said you guys already have enough as it is!" Jeff whipped himself around, body going stiff at the sight of his friend. He silently wondered how the meeting between these two people would go about.

"But it's all sugar free, and what is candy if it has no sugar, Kurt!" Kurt rolled his eyes and snatched the smaller of the two bags out of Jeff's basket.

Kurt Hummel was not at all what Sebastian had expected to see on his Tuesday at the grocery. The once very effeminate boy had seemed to fill out more over the last couple years. Broad shoulders covered by a fire red V-neck shirt hidden underneath a slimming black vest and jeans that hugged his hips so tightly that Sebastian had a hard time swallowing. Sebastian had long since stopped teasing the man about having a 'gay face' and had now found himself starring in amazement at the handsome man that stood before him.

It seemed that the past few years had done Kurt some good. His hair was still the pretty copper color that it had always been, and his eyes had turned a bit greyer with time. His face was still as spotless as ever, the moisturizing routine that Sebastian remembered once teasing Kurt about clearly doing its job. Although, from an outsiders view, Kurt looked fine, Sebastian knew he wasn't.

Kurt had dark circles under his eyes and his cheeks seemed to have hollowed out since they had last met a few years back. Sebastian couldn't help but think that he looked hauntingly beautiful. Unlike the past, Kurt's hair fell down on his forehead, something that made Sebastian uncomfortable simply because he could see Kurt's distress. This man wasn't Kurt.

"Honestly, J, you don't need any sugar you know what it does to you and Zeke. Now, I don't know who you're…" Kurt trailed off as his eyes landed on Sebastian, his jaw dropping a bit at the sight. He watched silently as Kurt's eyes flashed in realization of just whom he was standing in front of.

Sebastian had remembered reading an article sent from his father a few years back about the sudden death of Blaine Anderson. He had regrettably not made it to the funeral, but later that year visited the grave to pay his dues. As he read the article, he couldn't help but feel sorry for Kurt.

He had long since stopped his attempts to woo Blaine. It had been a year after Kurt and Sebastian had graduated when he ran into the couple at the Lima Bean on a returning visit from New York.

He was surprised, nonetheless, when he noticed that the pair was still together. It had been at that moment that Sebastian realized the couple was made for each other and not even death could split them up. At least- that's what Sebastian had always assumed.

After apologizing to the couple numerous times, the pair had accepted Sebastian into their life. Although Kurt had never become good friends with Sebastian as Blaine had, the man still liked him. They would send Christmas cards and birthday cards and would meet up during the holidays when Sebastian would go back to Ohio for his annual visit. Soon enough, all had been forgotten. They were in high school when everything had gone down, after all.

When Blaine had enlisted in the army, Sebastian had lost contact with his friend. They slowly drifted, the coffee visits forgotten and the cards stopped being sent and received.

Sebastian had mourned the loss of his friend and had made sure to send Kurt flowers as soon as he had read the article. It had been years since Sebastian had heard from Kurt and he had assumed that the man had all but dropped off the face of the earth.

"Kurt Hummel, is that you?" Kurt's eyes scanned Sebastian's body. He barely managed to hear Sebastian's words as he spoke to him.

"Sebastian?" Kurt's blue eyes seemed to fight through fog as he forced out a smile. "It's been years! How've you been?" The obvious forced happiness made Sebastian frown.

Kurt would be lying if he had said he hadn't thought about Sebastian since Blaine's death. The fact of the matter, Sebastian had actually been one of the first people that Kurt wanted to talk to. He was surprised to see the man standing before him. He hadn't changed much in the past six or so years that they had talked. He still stood with his shoulders back, his obnoxious hair was still styled in the same up-do, and his face still held an incredibly attractive smile. Kurt felt his heart skip as he looked at Sebastian.

"Good… great actually, although I've missed talking to you. It seems that the more important question would be how have you been?" Kurt's eyes widened. Kurt hadn't been expecting that. He hadn't told Sebastian about Blaine's passing, hell; Kurt didn't think that Sebastian even knew about Zeke.

"I-"

"Be honest with me, Kurt. Please." Sebastian stressed his last word as he took a step towards him. Kurt let the fake smile drop as he saw Sebastian give him a look that he could only acquire from Blaine during their friendship in previous years. Whenever the pair wanted something, they'd turn their big, puppy eyes on Kurt and receive almost an instant positive answer. Kurt flinched as his hand went up to play with a chain looped around his neck.

"Terrible, Bas. So, so terrible." Kurt let his walls down as he said the nickname that Sebastian hadn't heard in years. He remembered a time when Sam once called him that, only to be reprimanded and told not to call him that ever.

"Come 'ere," Sebastian pulled the small, lithe body towards him, holding Kurt close to him. Kurt could feel the sharp bone of Sebastian's collarbone under his chin. He inhaled slowly, the sweet smell filling his senses and easing him. "How long have you been here?" Sebastian placed his head on Kurt's as he let one of his hands travel up and down his spine.

"'Bout four years, almost five." Kurt pulled back slowly, his arms slipping down from around Sebastian.

"And you haven't contacted me?" Kurt's face flushed, his eyes shifting downwards.

"I just assumed- I never heard anything after his death and…"In all the years Sebastian had known Kurt Hummel, he had never thought he'd see the day when Kurt would fumble for his words.

"Kurt, I sent flowers and called your phone a few times. It was disconnected…" Kurt's eyebrows rose with the news. "I tried to contact you; I had my father go to your house to see if you were alright. I was worried. You had just disappeared."

"I moved after the funeral. It was too- depressing back there." Kurt wrapped his arms tightly around his waist.

"God, if I had known you were in New York, Kurt…" Kurt smiled and hugged Sebastian once more.

"I know, Bas. You would've been my knight in shining armor that Blaine had made you promise to be." The corner of his mouth turned up as he sent Sebastian a wink. Sebastian's eyes widened. "Don't think I didn't know about that. You two weren't exactly quiet that night, if I do remember correctly you were both quite drunk." Sebastian flushed red.

"Hey, I was just trying to do my best friend a favor." Sebastian explained with a smile, his hand reaching for his phone as it began to ring. He fumbled with the electronic for a few minutes to silence it before looking up at Kurt.

"I've got to get going, Bas." Kurt looked down at his watch, if he didn't get going within' the next five minutes, he'd be late picking up Zeke, "I've got- somewhere to be." Kurt turned to grab Jeff, who had made his way down the aisle a bit to give the pair some privacy.

Sebastian nodded slowly, his hand reaching out to rest on Kurt's cheek. Sebastian ran a gentle thumb up and down the pale skin. "Okay, but Kurt, promise me you'll get some sleep. You look like you need it." Kurt sent a small, helpless smile to Sebastian before turning to make his way towards the registers. If only Sebastian knew how hard it was to get a six and a half year old to sleep. "Oh! Kurt! Can I have your number? I'd really like to meet up with you again soon. We can get coffee sometime. There's this place right down the road that I think you'd like." Kurt nodded and typed his number into Sebastian's phone quickly.

"Just send me a text whenever, alright?" Sebastian smiled as he watched the two men head for the front of the store. He looked down at his phone to see 'Kurt Hummel' followed by a string of numbers. His eyebrows pulled together in question. When had Kurt decided to drop the 'Anderson'?

Sebastian quickly finished his shopping, making sure to grab a bag of kitten food on his way out.

Well, that had been a pleasantly surprising night at the grocery store. He tossed the food in his trunk and pulled out of the lot with a squeal of the tires.


	3. Chapter Two

**AN:/ Thank you for all the positive feedback! It brings a smile to my face knowing that people are actually enjoying this. Feel free to follow me on tumblr for updates; the link is on my profile! I'll be putting up pictures of Zeke, Velvet and Sebastian's apartment. Thank you again!**

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><p>When Kurt pulled into The Anderson School, he wasn't surprised to find a group of kids surrounding a teacher, waiting for their parents. Kurt had searched all of Manhattan for the best, most advanced school for his child and the Anderson school was it. It focused on academics and social equality; the name only added to the mix of perfection. Jeff sat in his passenger seat, talking to Kurt about what a pleasure it was to see Sebastian again and how Kurt really should go get coffee with Sebastian soon. Kurt smiled when he saw his small, curly haired boy's head peak out from the center of the crowd, a large smile gracing his face. Kurt shut off the car and jumped out quickly as he watched his son bolt towards him.<p>

"Daddy!" Kurt picked up Zeke, swinging him around before kissing him on the cheek. Zeke had, much to Kurt's approval, ended up resembling his father more than his mother. Zeke had dark, untamable curly locks and the golden eyes that Kurt missed waking up to every morning; his smile was large and as it looked, Zeke would end up being just as small as Blaine was by the time he hit adulthood.

Kurt set his son down on the pavement, adjusting the suspenders that were attached to his son's pants. He brushed some of Zeke's hair out of his face, silently examining the cut the boy had on his forehead from an accident with the coffee table that had happened a week ago.

"Hey buddy, have a good day at school?" Kurt picked Zeke back up and rested him on his hip. After Blaine's death, it had taken Kurt some time to realize that the boy's father wouldn't be coming back. Kurt had had more than enough panic attacks on how he was to go about Zeke's other parent.

When Zeke had come home one day about a year ago, and had asked where his mommy was, Kurt tried to explain very calmly that he actually had another daddy and that he was in heaven. As much as Kurt didn't believe in God, he wanted his child to know that his father was somewhere nice and not just buried in the ground. He had cried himself to sleep that night.

"Yeah! Sally gave me an invitation to her party next week! Can I go Daddy? Please?" Kurt sighed softly and ran his fingers through his son's hair.

"I'll look at it when we get home, Zeke. Uncle Jeff is in the car, go say hi to him, okay? I've got to talk to your teacher." Zeke pushed himself off of his father and bolted for the Navigator that sat next to the curb with a scream of 'Uncle Jeff!' Kurt waited long enough to make sure Jeff got out to catch Zeke before turning and walking towards the teacher.

"Mrs. Lynn, I'm Kurt Hummel," Kurt had dropped the Anderson a few years back; it hurt him too much to keep it, "I have a question about the class party." Kurt had been pleased when his son told him that they'd be having a party soon and that he'd need to bring treats. Kurt had come accustomed to baking sweets whenever Zeke needed it, and had soon become one of the favorite parents among the children in recent years. It was a quick and easy way for Kurt to relieve stress. Kurt quickly got the information that he needed, (it was a new school year after all, and he did need a list of all the children's allergies) and was pleased to find that they'd have no complications this year. He had really hated that one of Zeke's old classmates had been allergic to peanuts.

It was around fifteen minutes later when Kurt made it back to his car. Zeke was already strapped in and was talking a mile a minute about his day; his small feet kicking roughly against the seat. Kurt shot Jeff a look that read thank you, in which Jeff returned with a soft shrug of his shoulders and a sweet smile.

As soon as Kurt parked the car, his son was out the door and running towards Nick who stood on the front porch.

"Well I was wondering when you were going to get home!" Nick laughed and picked up Zeke. He quickly pecked Jeff on the lips with a mention of dinner being on the table.

"Zeke, honey, let your uncles have some time alone. You can visit them tomorrow. We need to get you started on your homework." Kurt ushered his little boy inside after smiling sweetly to the pair. "See you two tomorrow." Kurt could have sworn he heard Jeff mention Sebastian and the grocery store.

"Zeke, sweetheart, can I see Sally's invitation? I need to know when to take you and what we should get her as a gift." The small boy fumbled with his bag for a few moments, before finally managing to grip the zipper and rip it open. He shoved a pastel purple envelope at Kurt with a smile.

"She really likes princesses, daddy. You should make her one of your dresses. She loves Rapunzel! Or cupcakes, she loves your cupcakes too!" Kurt smiled, his hand brushing a few of the boy's long locks out of his face. He'd need a haircut soon.

"I'll see what I can do sweetheart. Go do some of your spelling work. I'll call you in when dinners ready." He laughed softly as Zeke stumbled out of the kitchen doorway.

The sounds of Zeke softly reciting words and the pots clanking against the kitchen counter sounded throughout the home a few moments later. Kurt would swear that he could hear the soft sounds of the city in the distance. With a quick glance to the recipe book that lay open on the counter, Kurt quickly began to make his own homemade pasta and vegetables; he found himself unable to remember the last time he had cooked Blaine's favorite dish. He smiled as he stirred, his thoughts slipping off to the events of the grocery store.

A half hour later, Kurt was placing two nice size plates of food onto the mahogany table. His phone lay forgotten on the kitchen counter, but his mind raced as Kurt wondered why Sebastian hadn't texted him yet. He really did miss his friend.

By the time the homework was complete and dinner had long been eaten and forgotten, it was nine o'clock and Kurt was just putting Zeke to bed. He had made sure that Zeke had been washed and his teeth were brushed before quickly ushering Zeke into his favorite pair of dinosaur pajamas.

Kurt felt stupid. Of course he couldn't expect Sebastian to actually text him. He had only been trying to make Kurt feel better. Kurt had been hurt when he hadn't heard from Sebastian after Blaine's death. Sebastian was from his past; he wasn't supposed to be a part of his future without Blaine. He quickly forced the thought from his head, Sebastian had made an effort; it wasn't his fault that Kurt had left so suddenly.

"Daddy, will you read the next chapter?" Zeke was cuddled up under a pile of blankets; hugging his stuffed Mickey Mouse close to him. Kurt smiled and grabbed Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire off of Zeke's bedside table. Really, Zeke could read the novel on his own, but Kurt found comfort in the fact that Zeke still insisted they read a chapter a night.

"Of course, sweetheart." Kurt flipped the switch on the wall, leaving only the bedside table light on.

Zeke was asleep as soon as Kurt finished the last line of the chapter; his soft breaths coming out in small, comforting puffs. Kurt dog-eared the page before setting the book on the table and kissed Zeke's cheek before leaving the room with a twist of the lamp switch and cracking the door slightly.

Kurt had just finished the dishes when his cell phone buzzed from the counter. Kurt's heart pounded against his ribcage. With a shaking hand he grabbed the device.

It read unknown.

Sebastian managed to pull into his parking spot a half hour later. His condo was located on the top floor of one of the high rises that overlooked central park, the green glass windows reflecting the sunset beautifully. His condo was large, almost too large for one person and a cat. His home was a two story, wide open space with ceiling to floor windows and a spiral staircase that lead up to his bedroom and office area. His living room held a plethora of books, some sitting on the coffee and end tables; others stacked in various piles in the corners of the room, but most placed alphabetically on the bookshelves that lined the far East wall.

The kitchen was a place that Sebastian rarely ventured, unless to make a sandwich or something that didn't require a lot of skill. Sebastian almost felt bad, the appliances were top of the line and he had never even used the oven. He knew most people would kill to have these in their houses, but Sebastian merely looked past them. He'd have someone to use them one day, he hoped.

To the left was a door that lead to the only other room in Sebastian's house; the guest bedroom. In it was a large queen size bed with a small bedside table next to it. He rarely used the room; it was mostly a place to store decorations, things from his past and more books. The walls weren't painted and the furniture was lined with a fine layer of dust.

After the death of his grandmother, Sebastian had inherited a nice amount of cash. He had told her- before she had passed- that he didn't want any. He was making a good amount on his own, but she had insisted and had given everything to him. The other members of his family had been offended and had exiled him. He merely snorted and rolled his eyes, money wasn't everything. Sebastian had learnt that over the years.

At first, he spent the money on unnecessary items: a too big apartment, an insanely expensive car, and furniture that he feared to sit on due to the cost. He paid off his debt from college and placed the rest in the bank. During the holidays he'd take a moment to donate some of it to various charities; the most common being the army.

Sebastian stepped through his front door, his grocery bags hanging heavily on his arms. He set them down in the kitchen and quickly began unloading the items into their various places. At his feet, Velvet -his six-month-old kitten- made her presence known.

"Yes, sweetheart, I see you. Let me just finish here and I'll feed you." He picked up the small black cat, scratching between her ears and placed her on the counter.

Sometime later, he found himself seated at his desk, his sock-clad feet propped up on the dark mahogany as he read through a new chapter one of his authors had sent. The only sounds that could be heard throughout the house were the scratch of his pen against paper and the soft purring that coming from his bed. His eyes glanced to his phone; he had pulled Kurt's name up but had yet to text him. With a nervous breath, he leaned forward and sent Kurt a text letting him know what his number was.

While it was true that Sebastian loved his job, the smell of new books and the never ending supply of good quality coffee, he had realized in the past few years that he was lonely. He had long since dropped the habit of picking up random guys off the street- with the sudden influx in the amount of people who were contracting diseases, he just couldn't trust it.

He longed for someone to hold at night, someone who would shower with him and finally force him to use his godforsaken couch. The nightlife had grown old to Sebastian, although it had been fun to go to a club and talk up the handsome men, he just didn't find any enjoyment in it anymore.

Sebastian's phone buzzed from his desk.

_Hey Bas! You're probably asleep by now, but I just wanted to let you know that I got your text and I look forward to the coffee._

_**Nope. Not asleep yet. Boss wanted me to read over a few chapters one of my authors sent me.**_ Sebastian hit send and stood from his chair. He showered quickly, the water helping to relieve a little bit of stress that he had acquired that day. When he came back, clad in only a soft blue towel, he was greeted with another message.

_I almost forgot you went into publishing! That must be a pretty enjoyable job. Getting to read books all-day and such._ Sebastian smiled.

_**It is. Except when you have authors jumping down your throat for not getting them their feedback quickly enough. Anyway, are you free for coffee tomorrow?**_

_Of course. I have lunch at one, so I'm free for an hour. How's that sound?_

_**Excellent. I'll text you the directions to the shop tomorrow.**_

_I'm looking forward to it! I'll be getting to bed now, some of us have to be at work early._

Sebastian snorted, because _of course_ Kurt would know that Sebastian didn't need to be at the office before nine thirty on a normal day. He sent Kurt a goodnight text and crawled into bed. He really should finish the chapter, but it could wait until the morning.

Sebastian fell asleep with Velvet in his arms and a smile on his face.


	4. Chapter Three

**AN:/ Hey guys! Sorry for the late update. I spent all of last week studying for tests and my Beta has had an incredibly busy week as well. Chapter four should be up soon! Thank you all so much for the reviews and subscribes. If you'd like to have an idea of the characters, outfits and anything else from this story head over to my tumblr (lost-in-maine). Now, on with the chapter!**

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><p>Kurt woke the next morning to a small body pouncing on him.<p>

"Daddy! Wake up! We're gonna be late!" Kurt groaned and shifted to get his son off of his stomach, Zeke giggling as he plopped down on the soft bed. He chanced a look at the alarm clock, noting that it was only half past six. Kurt had to have an early riser as a son.

"Alright, baby. Go get dressed and I'll see you downstairs for breakfast." Kurt sat up slowly, his eyes traveling to the curtain-less windows on the far side of his room. The sun's rays that spilled across his bedroom provided Kurt a bit of warmth as he crawled out of his bed. After he was positive that Zeke had gone back to his room, Kurt stripped and stepped into the shower, the steady stream of warm water effectively waking him up and preparing him for the long day.

Kurt had spent the better half of the previous evening (after he had talked to Sebastian) wondering what life would have been like with Blaine still in it. He wondered if Blaine and Sebastian would still be best friends, maybe they'd have lunch together to get away from a particularly busy day at work or maybe they'd have a once a week man night where Kurt would take Zeke out and Sebastian and Blaine would just _be._

Kurt began to gently massage his scalp with the shampoo he had recently bought; the smell reminding him of the summer in Ohio before college. His mind wanders to the fourth of July of 2012, the cool summer breeze brushing against his tank top clad torso as he rested his head upon his boyfriend's sun kissed shoulder. They had spent that week at a local lake; something his family had been doing every year since before the death of Kurt's mother; each year the party growing a few people larger.

His friends had joined Kurt and the rest of the Hummel family that summer. One last and final blowout before the graduating part of New Directions split up to head off for the start of their summer classes at various colleges. Kurt vaguely remembers all of the paired off couples- Tina and Mike, Finn and Rachel, Santana and Brittany, Sam and Mercedes and a few of the other couples that Kurt couldn't exactly place.

Kurt soaps up his body as the memory he had grown so fond of runs through his mind.

"_Kurt, sweetheart, you've got to take off that shirt. It's the middle of July! We're at the lake! Come in the water with me, please?" Blaine had already stripped; the lower part of his body was only covered with a pair of blue and black board shorts._

"_Blaine, you know what the sun does to my skin. I'll be peeling for the rest of the week!" Kurt sat curled up under an umbrella stuck in the sand; his hands wrapped tightly around his waist, his camera (a hobby he had decided to take up) resting on his lap. Kurt watches Blaine dive in the deep green water only to reemerge a few moments later, the water droplets rolling down his skin making Kurt's body tingle with desire._

"_Please?" Blaine dragged out, his eyes becoming wide as he stretches a waiting hand out towards Kurt. Kurt groans, because really, how is he supposed to resist his outrageously sexy, incredibly wet, wanting boyfriend?_

_Kurt strips himself slowly until he's left in only a pair of hot pink swimming shorts that only land to the low middle of his thigh. Blaine had bought these for him a few weeks prior to their visit._

_Kurt can feel everyone's eyes on him as he steps out into the sun, squinting against the bright light until he lowers his aviators on his face. Kurt barely notices his father and Carole out of the corner of his eye, the pair chatting quietly with the Berry's and a few other Glee parents that decided to follow along for the trip. He doesn't notice the smell of the hamburgers that have just been placed on the grill or the way Mercedes calls out something scandalous; Kurt only catching the end that sounds oddly like 'white boy'._

_His eyes are focused on Blaine, the boy of his dreams who now has both arms open and welcome for Kurt. The pair steps closer until Kurt slots himself into Blaine, folding himself in as Blaine holds Kurt steady. They both know that goodbye is coming entirely too soon and time is everything now. Kurt looks down slightly, his eyes locking with gold as he slots his lips against the boy he knows he's going to spend the rest of his life with._

_The kiss is slow and passionate, warm and moist and everything that Kurt wants and will always want. He's hyperaware of Blaine's hands that are slowly traveling south to rest at the curve of Kurt's ass and Kurt tries not to think about the fact that his father is only yards away. Blaine's hands move again, lower this time and Kurt is lifted up. Blaine steps back and turns, only unlocking their lips to whisper a few small words to Kurt._

"_I love you." And that's when Blaine drops Kurt into the freezing water. Kurt is flailing and when he finally regains the ability to move consciously he launches himself at Blaine, a laugh on both of their lips. The pair splash around for a bit, until they both end up settling down on an extra large beach towel that Kurt had managed to snag from the local Target._

_It's dark by then, well, just about. Kurt hears his father call out to everyone that fireworks will be starting soon and that everyone should find a comfortable spot. Kurt is snuggled into Blaine's side, Kurt's leg thrown over Blaine's, their ankles intertwined. Beneath his ear, Kurt can hear the steady heartbeat of Blaine, a never-ending reminder that he is here and this is real and Kurt is suddenly blissfully happy. His body is tingling with warmth when the first boom of a firework goes off._

_Kurt jumps and Blaine chuckles._

"_Calm down, baby." Kurt chances a glance around, his eyes met with various couples curled up across the shore. Some are kissing softly, others are whispering in each other's ears. Blaine places a small kiss on Kurt's hairline when he rolls his head back towards Blaine and runs his nose across a scruff-covered jaw. Everything is so perfect in that moment that Kurt wishes time would stay still._

Kurt's heart is beating fast when he comes back from that summer. He barely notices the tear tracks on his face, the water blending in with them just so. Kurt steps out of the shower with a shaky foot, barely catching himself as he collapses in a heap on the ground. A sob wracks his body as he curls up tightly; he hasn't cried in so long that Kurt nearly surprises himself when he feels his body begin to shake uncontrollably.

_He just misses Blaine so much._

Kurt takes control over himself a few moments later. He quickly styles his hair into a perfect coif, making sure to spray it twice to withstand the wind of New York. His eyes are a bit puffy and his cheeks are tinted a soft red but Kurt figures that a few extra minutes on his moisturizing routine will have his face back to normal by the time he pulls into work.

Kurt is dressed in his usual work clothes; a pair of nicely trimmed slacks corresponding with a red button down and a black cardigan. He reaches for the box at the back of his closet. The wooden case is heavy in his hands as he carries it out and sets it on his dresser. Kurt's hands touch it lightly, his fingers coming to rest on the little gold nameplate that is inscribed with 'Blaine Hummel-Anderson'. He tips open the lid, his eyes met with various things that Kurt has kept over the years. A bottle of Blaine's cologne when he needs to feel Blaine with him, a few pictures from their high school years, Blaine's old watch and finally, his hands reach the item that he initially pulled the box out for. Blaine's old red, white and black bowtie. The very bowtie he had worn on his first day at McKinley. Kurt had refused to let Blaine get rid of it; one of the many reminders of what the pair would do to be with each other.

Kurt's fingers run softly over the worn silk before he takes the fabric delicately into his hands. His eyes dart up to the mirror- reflecting the wide eyes of a man who is lost. Kurt wraps the fabric around his neck, tying it into a perfect bow before he takes a step back to look at himself.

Kurt hadn't touched that box in nearly six years (the bottle of cologne being the original of Blaine's; Kurt's replica sat in the far right drawer of his dresser). Kurt's face reflects a mirror of confusion; unsure of why, _now,_ that he had chosen to wear the bowtie, which meant the world to him.

Kurt remembers that he's meeting Sebastian later and everything makes sense again. Maybe Kurt just needs Blaine with him once more to give him the _courage_ he needs. His hands sneak into the last drawer, his fingers coming in contact with the cool glass bottle. Kurt sprays himself quickly and Blaine is there again. He's all around; filling his senses and Kurt stands taller.

_He's ready._

Kurt makes his way out of his room a few minutes later; his eyes quickly scanning the top floor to make sure he and Zeke were set to leave quickly. He knocks on Zeke's closed door and his son responds with a soft 'Down in a minute, daddy!' Kurt's heart has slowed a bit; as long as Zeke is alive he'll always have some part of Blaine with him.

_Always._

Zeke steps down only a few moments later; somehow over the past year Zeke had taken a liking to his father's wardrobe and requested his to be exactly like Kurt's. Kurt had been dressing him pretty similar to his own likings, so there wasn't much of a change, just a few added bowties and a few new shirts. Zeke was dressed in a pair of blue jeans, a button down and black cardigan, his hair still sleep rumpled and a tired smile on his face. Kurt smiled softly as he watched his son crawl up onto the stool at the bar.

"Daddy, can I have a pop tart this morning?" Kurt sighed and snatched the blue box off the top shelf. He had become more lenient with the eating rules for breakfasts; his son could have at least one treat; the boy had more than enough energy to burn off anything bad that the food would give him. He handed the silver packet over before quickly moving to the refrigerator to pour Zeke a small glass of orange juice.

"Don't forget, uncle Nick is picking you up today. I'm going to pick up some ingredients for the cupcakes for Sally's party. Try to find out today what she'd like for a gift, I know you wanted me to make her a dress, but not this time. So you find out and tomorrow we'll go pick something up from the store." Kurt placed his sketchbook in his shoulder bag before moving around to the other side of the bar.

His hands found Zeke's hair quickly, moving efficiently to tame the curls, something he had missed doing for Blaine.

_So, it's going to be one of those days._

"Dad," Zeke drawled out the last D, his nose scrunching.

"Alright, Z, we've got to get going. Don't want to be late." He picked Zeke up and placed him on the ground, leaving the mess to be cleaned up in the morning. Kurt's hand quickly finds the smaller one of his son's as they step out the doorway.

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><p>An hour later, Kurt finds himself walking through the front door of one of the top of the line designers in modern fashion. His eyes take only a moment to scan the waiting room, his eyes falling on the large silver sign behind the reception desk. <em>Diane Kippling Fashion.<em>

Kurt steps into the elevator and steps back out only a few moments later on the top floor. His nose is immediately greeted with the smell of freshly brewed vanilla coffee mixed with the slight smell of lavender candles. He waves a hand at his secretary who is busy typing away at her computer. She tries to close out of the document before Kurt can notice but he does and sends her a wink anyway.

"Write that book and make me proud, sweetheart." Lane's face lights up as she mumbles a small 'yes sir' in response.

Kurt quickly makes his way to his office, and is pleased to find that his boss has left a note of praise on his desk. The curly script makes him smile as he sits down at his glass table desk, his hand reaching out to turn on his Mac before he begins to read the note.

'_Nice work Hummel, I'd like to see these on models by next Thursday. I'll be out until then, if you've got any questions email me and I'll set up a Skype session. I've made a few adjustments that I've felt necessary on some of the pieces. Feel free to change them back. -Diane'_

Kurt had always liked his boss, Diane. She was nothing short of amazing and Kurt had quickly taken a liking to her. He had made his way up the chain quickly and now stood in the second in command position in the company and had full confidence that he would be her successor. She had somehow become a sight for sore eyes to Kurt; whenever he was feeling incredibly creatively blocked, he'd waltz into her room and take one look at her.

Diane was a tall woman with ever changing hair- currently red- and clothes that made a statement. She often sauntered around the office in whatever the look of the moment was with sky-high heels and bright red lipstick. She was a bright and bubbly woman with a smile that never seemed to fade and a passion for fashion that never ended. She'd call Kurt late at night sometimes just to ramble on about her latest creation (or, idea) and the next day they'd sit down and put the piece together that never ceased to look anything but amazing.

Kurt had looked up to her for years and now he was working directly under her.

He pinned each design to the wall behind his worktable, the sizes of each individual piece written out on the corners of the off-white papers. Kurt quickly gathered the fabric he needed before starting the designs with a smile on his face.

Kurt had the _Pride & Prejudice _soundtrack playing softly in the background, the only other noises being the soft honking of cab horns and the constant sound of a working sewing machine. He quickly lost himself in his designs, the sewing mannequin quickly being covered in various pieces of fabric.

He had just finished the first outfit- a pair of beige shorts paired with a forest green and off-white swirled silk top and a matching green jacket and was putting on the final few buttons when his mobile chimed from his desk, the vibration startling him so much so that he pricked his finger with a pin. Kurt stuck the finger in his mouth quickly, trying to ease the pain as he grabbed his phone with his free hand.

'_Meet me in front of Simon and Schuster at 1:15?'_Kurt smiled at his phone.

'_**Of course. I'll see you then.'**_ Kurt tapped send and quickly moved to shuffle the extra pieces of fabric into a pile. He briefly checked the clock on his wall and noted that if he left now, he'd have just enough time to make it to Sebastian's work just a few minutes before 1:15. _Perfect_, he thought. It'd give him some time to mentally prepare for whatever Sebastian might have up his sleeve for questions. He grabbed his bag from where it sat on his desk, logged off of his computer and shuffled out the door.

"Hey Lane, I'm heading out for lunch. I might be a little late coming back. I'm going to meet someone." His secretary lifted her eyebrow, a sparkle of interest shown in her eyes. Kurt noted that the document was still pulled up on her monitor.

It really was no secret to anyone who worked with Kurt that he was as queer as a three-dollar bill. None of them claimed to have ever heard of Kurt seeing anyone since the death of his husband, but they had all tried to set him up on more than one occasion. He had pleasantly denied each request with the overused statement of, 'I'm just not ready yet.' (He had been saying that for five years now, Kurt wasn't sure if he'd ever be ready. He was even surer he wasn't ready with the episode he had earlier that morning.)

"No, not like that. Don't even get any ideas. He's just an old friend." Lane's lips pulled up in a smirk.

"Of course, Mr. Hummel, I wouldn't think anything else." Kurt really hated when she called him that, she was one of his best friends for Christ's sake! "I'll let anyone who asks know that you'll be gone. Have fun!" Kurt had already started to walk out the door when he glanced back only to catch the wink sent his way.

"Not a date!" Kurt called over his shoulder; the soft bubbly laugh of his secretary reaching his ears right before the doors closed behind him.

Kurt was quickly mixed into the shuffle of New York as he made his way south. He had found himself in awe when he had first moved to the city that never slept. The constant movement and shuffle around him never ceased to amaze him, even five years later. He had quickly learned how to navigate through the crowd within the first six months that he had been there and he quickly found himself weaving through the throngs of people without effort.

He arrived in front of Seb's workplace only a few moments later, calmly taking a few deep breaths as Kurt awaited the arrival of him. He stood in front of the building, eyes scanning the already busy bars across the street that were preparing for the baseball game tonight. The flashing neon blue lights provided for a pleasant distraction.

"You're early!" Kurt's heart began pounding as he spun around, his nerves peaking as he spotted Sebastian. His fingers clenched once at his side before he let a smile grace his face; his eyes traveling up and down Sebastian's body.

Kurt gasped at the sight. The other man was dressed casually, as if it were actually a Saturday spent at home. His legs were covered in a pair of loose fitting jeans; his torso adorned with an old Yankee's t-shirt and a dark blue cardigan. All topped off with a beanie and a set of thick-rimmed glasses. Kurt thought that Sebastian never looked more pleasant.

"Not by much. I got off for lunch a bit earlier than I had planned." Kurt stepped forward slightly, almost putting his hand between him to shake the other man's, but stopped when he was pulled into a tight hug.

"God, I've missed you." Kurt rolled his eyes. His face was right in the dip of Sebastian's neck, the man's collarbone resting against Kurt's cheek. Kurt couldn't help but to get a whiff of Sebastian; something deep and sweet and all together manly that made Kurt's heartbeat speedup. Kurt frowned at the feeling, stepping back slightly.

"Bas, you saw me yesterday." With a hand on the small of his back, Sebastian led him down the street.

"That is true, but prior to that I hadn't seen you in years." Kurt silently wondered whether he really missed Kurt, or if he was simply substituting Kurt for Blaine. Sebastian ushered him through a door, his nose being greeted with the smell of freshly baked goods and newly ground coffee.

"I suppose that's my fault," Kurt stepped into line, Sebastian right next to him, "I even knew you lived here and didn't take any opportunity to contact you." Kurt's arms came up to wrap around his waist, the only barrier he could put up.

"No, no it's not. I could've easily had called your father or the Andersons to see where you were. But hey, maybe we were supposed to meet like this." Kurt ordered his drink without checking the menu, his wallet already in hand. He pulled a few bills out only to notice Sebastian had already placed a twenty down.

"The usual, Mike. Oh, and add two of your specials. I'm sure Kurt here is pretty hungry." Sebastian knew everyone that worked at Nico's but was saddened slightly to see that his best friend wasn't working today. _She must be in class. I swear, that girl works entirely too hard._

"Sebastian, you really didn't need to pay for me."

"You're right," he shot back, tossing his change into the donation bucket next to the register. Kurt's eyebrow rises at this action; _since when does Sebastian Smythe care about donating to anyone but himself?_ "I didn't. But I haven't seen you in forever and I asked you to come out, it's really only fair. You can get it next time, deal?" Kurt nodded and followed his friend over to a booth in the corner. Kurt figured it was Sebastian's usual spot.

The seats were large and comfortable but obviously worn. Kurt noticed a string of Christmas lights next to his head; his eyes closing to try to picture what this place would look like at night.

Their order comes a bit later, after Sebastian has asked Kurt how he's been and Kurt asks the same in return. Kurt notes with a smile that the cappuccino he ordered has a pleasant heart shaped design; he doesn't notice the way Sebastian's lips pull up into a happy smile.

"So, tell me about your job." Sebastian had been listening intently when he noticed that Kurt seemed stiff, nervous almost.

"Kurt-" Sebastian stopped him halfway through a story; his hand reaching out to rest on Kurt's oddly cold one, "You need to relax. I'm not going to ask you anything personal. I just wanted to catch up with you. If I ask anything too intense, please, feel free to pass on the question." Kurt's face softened, his shoulders visibly relaxing as he placed the Panini he had just taken a bite from back on the plate.

"Okay." The hour passed quickly after that. Kurt had eventually let Sebastian speak, his legs crossed at the ankles as his finger traced the rim of his coffee cup. Sebastian seemed so at ease with himself something that hadn't been there when Blaine had been alive. Sebastian talks lively about his profession, his words becoming mixed together as he talks quickly about one of the authors he's currently working with. 'The next J.K. Rowling,' he claims. Kurt smiles at the happiness laced in Sebastian's words and quietly wonder why he can't have what Sebastian does.

Sebastian asks about Kurt's family next causing Kurt's heartbeat to speed up.

"They're good. My dad and Carole are traveling around the globe right now. If I remember correctly, I think they're in Scotland right now and by October they'll have made their way to Germany."

"Burt always said he wanted to go there during Oktoberfest." Kurt can't believe Sebastian remembers that but laughs along with Sebastian anyways.

Kurt continues to ramble off various other events that had happened over the past few years. From Finn's sudden marriage to the woman he fell in love with at Ohio State to how Rachel was currently working on a movie set somewhere in the tropics. He made sure to steer clear of the topic of Zeke; he knew Sebastian had never really been interested in children. Kurt winced at the reaction that Sebastian would have when he finally did find out.

A while later Kurt glances down at his watch, his eyes widening at the time.

"Oh my god, Bas, I've got to get back! I was supposed to be back forty-five minutes ago. Thank you so much for this, it was really nice seeing you again. I wish I could stay, but really, this design won't finish itself and Diane will be back soon and-." Kurt swiftly tosses his bag over his shoulder, as Sebastian stands.

"Well, it was an honor to be in the company of Mr. Kurt Hummel." Sebastian wraps an arm around Kurt in an effort to say goodbye without really saying the words. He watches soundlessly as Kurt dashes out the door and up the street, his cardigan blowing behind him.

They made no plans to get coffee for the next day. They had simply forgotten, both basking in the lightness of a rekindled friendship and the swift rush in realizing that they were late to get back to work.

Sebastian seats himself back down, his hand coming up to wave at Mike behind the counter that he'd like another drink. He could take a few more minutes before heading back to his office. Sebastian's eyes are scanning the crowd again; the nameless faces, all in a rush to go somewhere, gives him a sense of comfort. _You're not getting away from me that easily, Kurt Hummel_

* * *

><p>Kurt stumbled in the door a few hours later, his arms weighted down with grocery bags. He sets the brown bags on the counter, his breath coming out in short gasps. <em>I really need to get back to Yoga. Maybe I can convince Lane to come. <em>Nick walks around the corner and through the kitchen doorway a few moments later, a smile on his face.

"Hey, Zeke's upstairs, he's messing around with a computer game. I'm gonna head home." He reaches forward and pats Kurt on the shoulder.

"Thank you again, Nick." Kurt's smile falters when he sees the bags under Nick's eyes.

"Hey, it was no problem. It's getting me ready for my own." Kurt laughs softly and thinks _nothing will ever get you ready for a child_, but doesn't tell Nick that. He had been so pleased when he found out that Jeff and Nick would soon be getting their own little one- a three-year-old Asian girl who had lost her parents in a car wreck a few months back. They had spent a while trying to find a surrogate but quickly decided that adoption would be better for the pair. There were already so many homeless children out there, why not help one of them first?

"She'll be moving in soon, then?" He pulled the packets of sugar and icing out, one by one, and placed them on the counter.

"About two weeks. God, I'm nervous. What if she doesn't like me?" Nick crosses his arms, leaning on the side of the counter. _Jeff and dinner could wait a few moments_. Nick gnaws on his bottom lip that in turn makes the soft skin a bright red.

"She will, I promise. She won't adore you at first; she'll be terrified. She's in a new place, without her parents. Just give her a bit of time to warm up to you and I have no doubt that she'll be just as in love with you two as you both will be with her." Kurt turns, his hands reaching up to rest on Nick's shoulders; giving them a gentle squeeze. "Trust me."

"O-of course, Kurt. I'm just worried I won't be half as good as a dad as you are." Kurt laughed.

"Oh Nick, I'm nothing even close to a perfect parent. Zeke drives me crazy. He draws on the walls, stains his clothes, argues with me about his chores; but in the end we have learned from each other and you will too. Just don't let her get away with anything; you know how sneaky little girls can be." Kurt pulls out his mother's recipe book, gently setting it on the counter before quickly flipping to his mother's vanilla cupcakes.

"Thanks man," Nick paused, "I've really got to get going though. Jeff said he'd be making dinner tonight."

"Alright, don't forget that I'm right next door if you ever need any help." He follows Nick out, locking the door behind him.

"Zeke!" Kurt called upstairs, "You going to come help me make these cupcakes?" Loud footsteps sounded above him; _well, when did I come to acquire my very own Thumper the Rabbit?_ Kurt's eyes widen, he's been watching way too much Disney lately.

The pair set to work quickly, Zeke's exuberant voice filling the room with his talk about his day and how excited he is for the weekend. Kurt sets out all the ingredients and watches as his son begins cracking the eggs perfectly. _I've taught him well. _Kurt's chest swells with pride and he wonders to himself if this is how his mother felt when they would bake together. Kurt moves a curl out of Zeke's face and tucks it behind the little boy's ear.

A few hours later and Kurt finds himself with a very messy little boy. He's got batter in his hair and flour on various parts of his face and shirt. Kurt helps Zeke strip and step in the shower before laying out a set of pajamas for him to change into. Kurt lets his son be and heads to his own room.

He changes quickly into a soft nightshirt and an old pair of sweatpants that read Dalton on the side. Kurt isn't sure if these are Blaine's or his, but he shimmies into them because they've been his favorite pair since forever. He gently sets the bowtie back into Blaine's box, which is then tucked back into Kurt's safe place in his closet. He places a kiss to the top of the box, the soft promise of 'I'll never say goodbye to you' leaves his lips before he covers it with an old shirt.

Kurt curls himself up in their brown leather chair and turns on the television to watch a rerun of some random sitcom. He can hear the shower shut off above him and listens for Zeke's voice that will call him up for a bedtime story.

Kurt looks out the window and notes that in the dark of the night he can see that the rain has begun to pour down. Kurt wishes Blaine were with him. He hasn't liked the rain in a long time, not since that day all those years ago. Kurt pulls his knees up to his chest, his head resting between the two. He watches the lightning illuminate his backyard and sighs softly.

_I miss you._

Kurt is startled fifteen minutes later by a shout from his son. A smile pulls across his face.

_I love you._

Kurt tucked his son into his incredibly tacky outer space sheets. Zeke had become obsessed with the concept of space, astronauts, and aliens, but Kurt didn't mind feeding the obsession. It made his son happy which in turn made Kurt feel as light as a feather.

Kurt continued from where he had left off on the previous chapter. Zeke passed out a few minutes later, his arms wrapped around a Carmel colored dog with large eyes. Kurt kneeled besides his son's bed, watching his little boy's eyes flicker with sleep. His fingers gently push a fallen curl off Zeke's face, Kurt wincing as his son mumbled in his sleep. Zeke looked so innocent, pure, and peaceful.

Seeing Sebastian; reconnecting with him, laughing with him, in a coffee shop none the less, felt like someone had just ripped a Band-Aid off of Kurt's oversensitive skin. Kurt could almost see himself in the Lima Bean; his body curled into Blaine's as Sebastian chatted about his latest sexcapade. Except, Blaine wasn't there this time; and he never would be.

Kurt gently wiped away a stray tear as it rolled down his cheek. He kissed Zeke's forehead and headed towards his bedroom. Tomorrow would be a new day and hopefully Kurt wouldn't feel quite as terrible as he had today.

* * *

><p>Sebastian strolled into his apartment with a shuffle of his feet and tired eyes. He usually left work late, but today seemed later than normal. He had spent most of the afternoon in a happy daze, his mind constantly going back to his lunch with Kurt.<p>

Velvet quickly wrapped herself around his ankles, her foot gently pawing at his leg to get Sebastian's attention. The unicorn Sebastian had picked up for Sally was placed on his dining room table, his hand swatting his kitten away from the delicate fur of the plushy.

Sebastian scooped Velvet up and scratched behind her ear lightly as his feet dragged him up the stairs towards his bed. He tossed his bag on his desk chair, pulled his shirt and jeans off and stumbled into bed. Velvet took no time in curling up next his head on her own pillow.

Sebastian felt the tension leave his body as he relaxed into his mattress, his mind wandering to what it'd be like to curl up with another warm body- clearly not his cat- and fall asleep holding said person. He wrapped his arms around his torso as he rolled to face his ceiling, the city lights pouring through the sheer curtains on the far walls.

Sebastian had grown up in a mostly stable household; his siblings were off in various places around the world doing things they loved. His parents were still happily married in Ohio, and as far as Sebastian was concerned, they'd be visiting him soon enough to bother him about meeting someone and falling in love. His parents hadn't minded him being gay, but they did want him to marry.

Really though, it wasn't as if Sebastian didn't want to fall in love. Initially-yes it was. He had been a teenage boy who loved sleeping around and the thrill of getting caught in a public place with an older man made his groin tingle, but now it was different. Sebastian was getting older, his friends were married and with children and he was alone. With a cat.

He groaned, Sebastian was _that _guy. Sebastian's hands came up and ran through his hair, eventually settling under his head.

The thing that Sebastian knew, that terrified him to no end, was the fact that when a Smythe falls in love, they rarely ever fall back out. He had seen it at a young age, first his parents, his older sister, then his older brother, and suddenly his younger sister who had just sent the announcement of her engagement in the mail only a week prior. It was only a matter of time until Sebastian was dragged into it as well.

Sebastian knew that loving someone unconditionally didn't guarantee anything in return and really, that didn't scare him; but what did was the fact that he'd be putting himself on the edge hoping that his partner would catch him when he fell.

Because if Sebastian knew anything, he knew that the Smythes fall in love quickly, but they also get damaged just as easily. Sebastian had just learned to hide it better than the others. Sebastian let his eyes close, praying to himself that he'd get just one good night's sleep.

That night, Sebastian dreamed of a gray house in the suburbs somewhere in Colorado.

_The cobbled driveway led him to a large backdoor. He opened it slowly, curious as to what he would find. From somewhere in the house he could hear the piano playing softly and from the opposite side he could hear two voices bickering at each other._

"_Papa! Tell Max to give me back my leo! I need it for practice!" Sebastian's eyes widened. __**Was she talking to him? **__The girl was everything Sebastian had ever imagined his child would be: tall and slender with long brown hair that curled into loose ringlets and bright green eyes. She had a perfectly straight smile and the way she held herself made him know that she was his. Her arms were built with toned muscle and Sebastian wondered just what she did. The girl- no older than fourteen- groaned at him and rolled her eyes. "Dad! Max won't give me back my leotard and you know that coach will flip if I don't wear my uniform today. We have trials tomorrow and he's been on edge all week!" Sebastian watched the girl walk around the corner, his feet dragging him behind her._

_Sebastian rounded the corner to see a boy about the same age with nearly identical features. His hair was cut short but styled in an up do that Sebastian found himself approving of. He was tall as well; broad shoulders with a slim waist that made Sebastian think he might be a swimmer. The boy's eyes widened when he saw Sebastian._

"_Papa! She's over reacting! Tell Noel to stop being such a whiner and just ask politely." Sebastian found himself telling the girl to calm down and ask nicely for her outfit back. The girl rolled her eyes and did as she was told._

"_Noel, I only took it because I knew if I didn't we'd be late to practice again."_

"_What practice?" His eyes widened, that wasn't suppose to slip out._

"_Gymnastics, Papa! You of all people shouldn't forget where we're going! Olympic trials are soon and if we don't start getting our names out there people won't even know who we are. You and Dad always said that we were going to be America's Golden Twins, remember?" She puts emphasis on the R and Sebastian smiles. She's totally his daughter._

"_Of course, sweetheart. Let's go get your father and we'll head out." Sebastian hadn't noticed that the piano had long since stopped playing._

"_I'm right here, ready 'Bas?" Sebastian's eyes widen as he turns on his heel. He knows that voice._

_Green eyes meet blue and Sebastian finds himself falling._

Sebastian sits up straight in his bed, his back sticky with sweat. His breathing is labored and he lets himself fall back against his pillows.

_Fuck._


	5. Chapter Four

Sebastian was sitting in his dark leather chair, feet propped up on his desk, manuscript in one hand and a red pen in the other when his office phone rang. He quickly pressed the speakerphone button, "This is Sebastian." His pen was tapping in fast rhythmic movements against his thigh.

"Hey Seb, John wants you in his office. He doesn't look too happy." Sebastian sighed. It was late Friday afternoon, much later than he had intended on staying. The office had nearly cleared out by now, but due to the sudden influx of close deadlines, Sebastian's boss, John, was making everyone on his team stay later than normal.

John Froman was, simply put, everything that Sebastian was not. The man stood at a whopping five six, with a large belly and a big white beard. His eyes were soft and kind and his face held wrinkles of years past. Sebastian gave him another five years before the man decided to retire and was silently hoping he'd be the man's successor, but he'd never admit that to anyone if they had asked. John liked spending time talking about his family and their never-ending trips. He often flaunted his money through various pictures that sat around his office. He spent most of his days munching on chocolate bars with the excuse that 'his wife had him on a strict diet and all sugar had been taken from his house' although Seb wasn't too sure about the diet part.

"Thanks, tell him I'll be right in." He clicked the red end button on his desk phone, two beeps signaling the call had dropped the connection. Sebastian shuffled around his office, the manuscript he had been reading left open to the page on his desk. He capped his red pen and with one more check around the room, headed towards John's.

"Sebastian! Just the man I wanted to see, please, sit." Sebastian sat in the seat directly in front of his boss, his lips pulling a sneer when he noticed his boss' terrible choice in a bright orange Hawaiian shirt and terribly unfashionable khaki shorts. "I just got a very unpleasant phone call from Ms. Simpson, one of your writers; she's not happy that you haven't finished the chapters that she sent you a week ago and quite frankly, I'm not happy either. Thus, this weekend I expect all of them edited and returned to her first thing Monday morning." Sebastian had missed the first part of that, his eyes trained on the picture of John, his wife and his two children, a boy and a girl. Sebastian swallowed the lump that had appeared in his throat.

_No, don't think about that dream._

"Sir, I've got three other authors sending me material as well. I've been working on hers, but I've got this thing over the-" To be honest, Sebastian had been working on the chapters diligently but since meeting with one Kurt Hummel, his mind had seemed to be wandering back to the man. Sebastian tried not to let himself overthink this; Kurt had been his friend at some point and it had been a long time since they had gotten together. Sebastian had convinced himself that he was, simply put, just really concerned for him.

"Sebastian, I want those chapters done. No arguments." His boss' eyebrow rose. Sebastian's eyes dropped back to the picture on the desk, hand twitching to reach out and ask John more about what it's like to have a family; whether it sucks being told that you can't eat candy or if children really do make you age more quickly.

"Yes sir, I'll have them done by Monday." Sebastian stood and made his way towards the door, his eyes landing anywhere but John.

"Alright, then I'll let you go. Have a good weekend."

"You too, sir." And he knows his boss will. He had been raving about his family going to the beach for the past month and refused to change his plans even though quite a few of the popular authors had upcoming deadlines. Sebastian shuffled out the door like a dog with its tail between its legs; his head down and hands in his jean pockets.

When he arrived back at his office, Sebastian let out a breath that he hadn't realized he'd been holding. His office is like his second home, it's warm and inviting and often reminds him much of Nico's. His office is in an L shape, and the walls are a soft off-white, although there aren't much of them being shown. They're covered with various deep red wooden shelves that hold tons of books. Some are bookmarked, some have sticky notes sticking out the sides, but most rest in peace with a small layer of dust on the top; the only hint that they had ever been used is the small crease line down the spine of each. Sebastian's desk is a large, mahogany number with a nice Mac desktop resting in the corner. He rarely uses it; Sebastian still prefers the old fashioned way of editing, even if his writers don't. Around the corner is a dark, leather couch coupled with a lamp and coffee table. From his desk, Sebastian can see the two day old mug that sits on his table and the first print of Jane Simpson's first novel.

He quickly gathers the papers off his desk before double-checking himself to make sure all of the chapters are placed on a jump drive. Sebastian silently wonders as he walks towards his car as to when he lost his backbone. He used to be full of snark and never backed down when something didn't go his way, but now it seems like he'll just simply agree when told to do something.

With a shake of his head and a rev of the engine, Sebastian left for home for the weekend. His thoughts wandering to a little girl's birthday party that he'd be attending the following day.

Sebastian made a split second decision when he walked in his front door that he'd be going out that night. He could feel himself becoming too domestic, too much of a homebody and that just wasn't him (at least, he had hoped that he hadn't hit that stage just yet.) He needed something that would make him feel like_ Sebastian_ again.

He quickly dressed for the evening; something alluring that he knows will make the men around him hot with need and desire; tight jeans and a dark blue V-neck that hugs his torso in all the right places. Before leaving, Sebastian grabs his phone and nearly dials Hummel; he wants Kurt to come out and get himself back into the swing of things but he figures that it's too soon to be doing anything even remotely risky with Kurt this soon into their newly renewed friendship (can he even call it that?). Sebastian hadn't been completely oblivious a few days before. He had noticed that Kurt's smile didn't reach his eyes and he wondered if Kurt had talked to anyone because Sebastian was ninety percent sure that Kurt suffered from some form of depression.

Sebastian's Friday night is spent in a flurry of colors with the constant thump-thump of the bass keeping his heartbeat in check. He can feel the eyes of the men around him on his body; he smirks because he's still got it and this is just what he needed to get himself back into the swing of things.

There's a brunette across the club with sinfully tight pants and a bright neon blue shirt that had taken a liking to Sebastian the moment the older man stepped into the club. His hair is done up and coiffed and he can see the glitter that hides in his hair. Sebastian knows he can't be older than a college sophomore and by the look in his eyes; he's never been approached before.

He snakes his way towards the man and with a purr of 'hello, beautiful' in his ear, he's got the brunette right where he wants him. He quickly gulps down the last of the pink drink the boy is holding before grabbing his hand and leading him to the backroom.

Sure, Sebastian had calmed down on the one-night stands, but that doesn't mean he won't enjoy the casual blowjob every now and again.

He stumbles into his home at three the next morning, hair and skin covered with a fine layer of silver glitter, eyes glassed over in a drunken haze. Sebastian collapsed onto his bed, completely void of any remembrance that he did indeed have to be at a little girl's birthday party in the morning.

He falls asleep with his veins still thrumming to the beat of the club.

* * *

><p>"Hey, this is Sebastian. Leave a message with your name and number and I'll call you back as soon as possible." Sam waited for the beep, gently rubbing her temple with her left hand. The other room was already beginning to look like a seven year old's birthday party, the walls decked out in various shades of pink and purple.<p>

"Hey Seb, its Sam, It's about ten-thirty on Saturday. You said you'd come by early to help with the party and you're still not here. I know this generally isn't your thing, but I already told Sal that you'd be here. I'm kinda hoping you just slept in a bit and didn't forget. Anyway, give me a call."

An hour later, she called again. "Seb, it's eleven thirty and you're still not here. Sally is starting to get anxious and I needed you to pick up some stuff before the party starts. Call me back!" Sam clicked the end button and placed her phone on the kitchen table. She looked at it only once, willing it to ring, before rushing up the stairs to get dressed.

Two hours later, and Sam had about had it. "Sebastian. Answer your phone. The party starts in a half hour. I'm worried and a bit angry. Where are you?" Sam tossed her phone down, the doorbell beckoning her. She really had hoped Sebastian would keep his promise. Just this once.

Sebastian woke at the fourth call. "M'ello?" He rolled over, nearly squashing his cat in the process, and sat up quickly to look out the windows, his head pounding softly.

"Sebastian! The party started an hour ago! The hell have you been!" Sebastian winced, his body shifting a bit so he could make a move to grab the remote that sat on his bedside table. He clicked a button that signaled for the curtains on the other side of the room to close, pushing him into a pleasant darkness.

"Sorry, I uh, had a late night. I'll be there soon?" That came out more like a question than a statement. Sebastian cringed, knowing what was coming.

"You better fucking be here soon! I've got thirty little kids running around, trashing my parent's house. At least if you were here, you could provide a distraction long enough so that I might be able to get dinner started!"

"Aren't there other parents?" Sebastian had managed to pull on a pair of sweats and was quickly working to get himself a cup of coffee. His kitten wrapped herself around his feet, a sign that Sebastian needed to feed her. He plucked the cat off the floor, placing her on the counter before moving to grab some of the soft food out of the pantry. He slots his phone between his shoulder and his ear as he tears open the container.

"Yes, of course, but they're all outside socializing. I didn't have this party for them to help me. Although some of them have- Ryan! Put that down! No, you can't drink the glue- Look Seb, I've got to go. Please try and hurry. Please."

"I'll be there in like a half to forty five minutes."

"Fine, bye." Sebastian tossed his phone on the counter, his hands running through his sandy locks as he willed his head to stop pounding. He finds a way to shower quickly, although later realizes that he has missed patches of glitter and knows he won't live it down as long as he's friends with Sam.

It was going to be a long day.

* * *

><p>"Go on, sweetheart. Ring the doorbell." Zeke reached a small finger forward and pushed the lit button, the chime sounding on the other side of the door. Kurt quietly watched his little boy roll on the balls of his feet, a giant smile across his face. The door was pulled open and Kurt was met with the sight of Sam.<p>

"Zeke! Kurt! It's so good to see you again!" Kurt had met Sam a few years prior at Zeke's daycare. She had been volunteering there at the time, a high school senior that needed some extra volunteer hours and had jumped at the chance to work with children. They had remained acquaintances when Kurt found that Sally and Zeke were the same age and would soon be attending the Anderson School together. It wasn't uncommon for the pair to be seen together and Zeke often referred to Sally as one of his best friends; Kurt had an odd feeling in the pit of his stomach that they'd eventually become more in their high school years.

"Hi Ms. Sam, is Sally around?" Sam laughed, reaching around Zeke for the present in Kurt's hand, her eyes darting to the cupcake platter in his other.

"Of course she is, head out back. I'm sure you'll be able to spot her; she's the one in all pink." Zeke shot through the door, weaving through various legs until Kurt heard the glass door slam.

"Sorry about that, I'm still trying to teach him not to slam doors. It hasn't quite caught on yet." Kurt shrugged a smile on his face.

"Oh, don't worry about it, Sally has the same problem. You'll be joining us, right?" Sam moved aside as Kurt nodded and stepped through the front door.

"Zeke wanted to make Sally some of our famous cupcakes, I hope you don't mind." Sam shushed him with a wave of her hands.

"Of course not. The cake isn't actually here yet, and if my asshole friend doesn't wake up soon, it won't be here at all. You might've just saved the party." She giggled, flipping her blonde hair over her shoulder as she made her way towards the kitchen. Kurt placed the plate between a few other dishes before moving to look at a few of the objects on the table. He worried his bottom lip with his teeth when he noticed glue and sparkles. _Well, I have a feeling that this isn't going to end well._

"Kurt, why don't you head outside? A few of the other parents are out there and I know a few of them have been asking to see you. All of them are excited to see your spring line." _Great, just what I need, more people asking about my job._ Kurt rolls his eyes but smiles nonetheless as he heads outside. The murmured voices quickly stop, all the mothers jumping up to say hello.

Kurt tunes them out quickly; he had gotten use to people making a big fuss over nothing. He watches as a few of the mothers whisper about what he's wearing all three with sneers on their faces and silently thinks that they really shouldn't be talking about his outfit; all decked out in large baggy shirts and black yoga pants. Kurt notes that there are a few men here, all fathers most likely talking about the Yankees.

Kurt sits himself in a lawn chair located next to the pool, letting his body be warmed by the unusually sunny sky. He's making small talk with a few of his friends, some of the only mothers that he's found he actually enjoys the company of when he sees a flash of red out of the corner of his eye. His head rolls to the side, the bright pink straw of his margarita hanging between his lips. A man stands at the bar, shifting the weight on his foot from one side to the other. Kurt watches as the man leans down, the beige shorts pulling tight against his ass and the back of his thighs; he can practically feel the fire in his veins from the view. Kurt notes that from the back the man is perfect, nearly everything Kurt could want in a man. His large broad shoulders, with a narrow waist and impeccable fashion sense caused Kurt to sit up a little taller and will the man to turn around.

Kurt begins to feel guilty. _Blaine._

Kurt had been eying the man for five minutes when he was finally broken from his reverie. "Kurt, did you hear me?" Kurt turned his head towards the small group of mothers that are sitting next to him; a small woman with equally as small features had spoken, Daisy; the mother of one of Zeke's closer friends.

"Oh, yeah of course." The woman rolls her eyes, a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"As I said, why don't you go ask Sam to introduce you to him? You know as well as I do that it's about high time you get out there." Kurt stands, subconsciously smoothing out invisible wrinkles in his shirt. He checks over his shoulder at the man again, a smile gracing his lips immediately. He looks back at the group with his eyes dancing around from each of the woman's faces. Kurt notes that none of them look disgusted at the fact that Kurt is interested in another man. _Damn, I love New York._

"You're right. It's about time." Kurt quickly tracks down Sam only to find her covered in glitter and glue. Kurt doesn't question it.

"Hey Kurt! I'm glad you found me because there's actually someone I want to introduce you to." Sam leads Kurt towards the man in the red-stripped shirt, her hand holding his wrist in a tight grip. Kurt's heart begins beating erratically. _You can't be serious_.

Sam reaches forward and taps the man on his shoulder, distracting him from where he was previously looking through a stack of end table books.

He glances over his shoulder only enough to see Sam. "Sam, you really have terrible taste in literature. I mean, I know that you're a woman and Nicholas Sparks is in the criteria, but you could at least have some Twain or Fitzgerald in here. You don't want Sally growing up uncultured." Kurt watches as the muscles in the man's arm twitch as he flips through the pages of a book. The man turns, his eyes widening.

"Kurt?" Kurt is speechless. It had never crossed his mind that he'd run into Sebastian at a child's birthday party.

"Sebastian? What- what are you doing here?" Sebastian smirks.

"Well, Kurtsie, I'm here for Sal. It is her birthday party, after all. Didn't you know I'm the guest of honor?" Kurt snorts, rolling his eyes.

"I'm sure, 'Bastian," Sebastian steps forward, wrapping his arms around Kurt in a friendly hug. Neither notices the eyebrow raise Sam gives them at the nickname.

"Well, I can't say I'm displeased to see you," Sebastian hip checks Kurt, sending the smaller boy stumbling a few feet away to the side, "Although, I am curious as to why you're here."

"Well-" Kurt mentally begins to panic. He knows that Sebastian doesn't like children and he hasn't since high school. Kurt can tell that this is still the truth by the look on Seb's face as a group of glitter covered children run by.

"Hold up a sec, you two know each other?" Sebastian nods.

"Yeah, we met in high school when I tried to steal his boyfriend-"Sebastian shot a glance at Kurt to make sure he wasn't doing any harm to Kurt's emotional state with bringing his deceased husband up. He lets out a breath when he notices Kurt's smile. "-away from him over coffee and overused pickup lines." Kurt chuckles a light, soft sound that reminds Sebastian of Christmas bells. He tries to ignore the feeling his stomach gets at the sound.

"Needless to say, Bas here wasn't very good at trying to break us up. After a few rough times, all three of us became friends and well- the rest is history." Sebastian silently notes that Kurt leaves out Blaine's death. Sam looks at them doubtfully and Sebastian wonders if she thinks Kurt is one of his past fucks.

"Well, then I'll let you two socialize. It's nearly time for cake and presents. Can you two start gathering the masses?" The pair agrees and calls to the kids that they should head inside. Sebastian pulls Kurt to the side when he sees the group of hyperactive children race towards the door with cake being the only thing on their minds. He steps inside behind Kurt, his eyes glancing down to Kurt's rear but quickly catches himself. _You can't check out your deceased best friend's husband! What is wrong with you?_

"Bas, will you help me bring the cupcakes out?" Sebastian had seen the cupcakes when he walked in, although it's only now hitting him why they looked so familiar. They were in the exact same style that Kurt had made all those years ago when Sebastian had spent the holidays with the Hummel-Andersons. Although the last time he remembers, the cupcakes were red and blue, but the icing still has the soft vanilla smell.

He can see them; they're all beautifully decorated with small, yellow warblers sitting on the top of each cupcake. The taste had been something Sebastian could only faintly remember; the sweet taste of pure sugar with a slight mix of- _was it orange_- to add to the tangy taste of the cupcake. Sebastian watches as Sam sneaks a cupcake for herself before lighting the candles on the cake and suddenly Sebastian is brought back seven years prior.

_"Blaine, I need you and Seb to grab the cupcakes out of the kitchen. Can you do that?" Blaine looks up from his spot at the table where he and Sebastian have been looking at old Warbler photos. The picture book was only a few years old at the time, something that Kurt had started when he transferred to Dalton in his junior year. Even after transferring back to McKinley, the boys had kept with keeping the scrapbook up to date until every last one of the Warblers from that year had graduated._

_Kurt has an apron tied tightly around his waist, protecting his clothes from the constant spillage of ingredients that he's use in his meal. The apron has the words 'QUEEN OF THE KITCHEN' embroidered in gold stitch work and Sebastian can barely hold down a snicker. Kurt has his hand propped up on his hip and Sebastian can hear the faint sound of a boot tapping on the floor in annoyance._

_That night was the third annual Warblers Christmas party and since Kurt and Blaine had finally bought a house, they had offered to host it for the evening. The event was never anything extravagant, the boys were all Warblers who Blaine had come to grow close within his sophomore and junior year, and unlike most of the New Direction parties, these parties never held an ounce of drama._

_Kurt had been on edge ever since the start of the holidays, claiming that there was simply too much to do and he had no clue where he was going to have everyone sleep (his family and most of the new direction's kids would be coming over on Christmas morning). The stress had been at an all time high by the time the part rolled around._

_"Sure, babe." Blaine stands and kisses the corner of Kurt's mouth; the slight taste of alcohol lingering on Blaine's mouth has Kurt licking his lips. Sebastian makes a gagging noise and both men turn towards him._

"_Jealous."_

"_Hardly. If I wanted domesticity I'd find myself a breeder and settle down." Kurt barks out a laugh. Blaine has slipped his arms around Kurt's middle and from where Sebastian is standing, he can see the smaller man gently squeeze Kurt's hipbones._

_Sebastian stands and trails behind Blaine, a large smile on his face. If there had been one thing he loved about spending time with Blaine and Kurt over the holidays it would be the obnoxious amount of extremely good tasting food that Kurt seemed to whip up out of nowhere. Kurt had been in and out of the kitchen all morning, barking orders at not only his Fiancé but at the man-of-honor as well. Sebastian had long since gotten over the fact that Kurt seemed to wear the pants in the relationship and followed Blaine's lead, just simply to cease and desist._

_Sebastian steps inside the kitchen to see Blaine eating a cupcake; he smiles at his best friend and receives a bright blue smile in return. Sebastian lets out a loud laugh as he reaches for his own. He quickly swipes his finger across the blue icing and sticks in into his mouth. He moans from the taste of the homemade icing._

"_Bas, you haven't even tasted it yet. You've got to eat the entire thing. I swear, Kurt could only make these for the rest of my life and I think I'd die happy and fat." On that note, Sebastian takes a large bite of the cupcake in his hand and soon finds himself reaching for another. It's a half hour later when Sebastian seems to notice that they've slid down to the floor and now sit shoulder to shoulder, an ever-growing pile of cupcake wrappers on the floor between them._

_The friends are munching their way through the second platter when the kitchen door gets flung open, only to reveal a very angry and flustered Kurt. They both stop, Sebastian's mouth is filled with red icing and Blaine is licking the remainder of blue icing off of his finger. They both turn large eyes on Kurt in hopes to avoid what they know is coming._

_"I can't believe you Blaine soon-to-be Hummel-Anderson! I can't leave you around these damn cupcakes for more than two minutes and here I thought I could trust you to bring them out to the party." Kurt stresses the word party as he turns on Sebastian, spatula in hand. __Blaine hides a smile behind another cupcake when Kurt uses his almost new last names__.__ "And you! Sebastian! You went along with it! I can't believe you!"_

_Everything is silent for a few moments; the only sound is Kurt's heavy and angry breathing. Suddenly all three begin laughing and Kurt drops to the floor to sit in between the best friends (who have moved apart when they saw him bending down to join them). He snatches a cupcake for himself off the platter and both Sebastian and Blaine stare at Kurt. They watch as slowly peels the wrapping off the lower half of the sweet before dropping it on the already large pile. The best friends' jaws drop as Kurt pops the entire thing in his mouth, followed by an incredibly loud and, as it appears to Sebastian by the way Blaine reacts, sexy moan._

_Kurt gives Blaine a soft kiss as he leans into his side, turning his body just so, that he's able to lay his long legs across Sebastian's._

_The three of them are caught about a half hour later when David walks in looking for Blaine. He doesn't question anything and turns on his heel to return back to the party. All three men clutch their stomach as they begin to laugh so hard that Sebastian begins to feel tears appear in his eyes. He knows that the three of them will regret it in the morning, but eating two of the four platters of cupcakes seems to be just what the three of them needed._

_He definitely loves holidays at the (almost) Hummel-Anderson's._

"Bas?" Sebastian's head snaps to the side to see Kurt handing him a platter. He smiles slightly at Kurt, and wonders how bad it hurts him that he doesn't have Blaine anymore.

The two men carry the cupcakes out, following close behind Sam who's carrying the birthday cake shaped like a princess crown. She had called Sebastian on his way over demanding that he pick it up. Sebastian only sighed and agreed. Really, you don't fight with a woman who is clearly stressed.

Everyone begins singing, the room lit only by the soft glow of the birthday candles and the window at the far side of the room. Sebastian looks across the table to see Sally; her eyes lit with happiness that only children know and soon forget when they reach high school. She's dressed in none other than a bright pink princess dress, glitter laced in her blonde curls, all topped off with a large crown. She sees Sebastian across the table, her smile growing even larger.

Sebastian had never liked kids. God no, he hated them. When he had first met Sally it had been over the Christmas holidays a few years prior. Sam had invited Seb over for dinner with her family, claiming that no one should be alone over the holidays. Although he had protested, saying it wasn't the holidays until that following Thursday, he had finally relented and spent the evening with them.

Sally had wormed her way quickly into his heart. She seemed to bring a sudden innocence into his life that he had long since lacked after he spent a few years in Paris. Sebastian had grown up an only child so when he finally had the chance to actually spend time with a real child, he hadn't minded it. He later realized, after spending a day with Sam at the local preschool, that he didn't mind Sally but still loathed other children. Sal was just special. Sebastian often found himself watching the young girl on nights that Sam couldn't get off work and really, he never minded it.

He took her to Broadway shows; quickly learning that she enjoyed fast paced musicals such as the Lion King rather than something deep and slow with sad music and gloomy plots. He took her on carriage rides and to dance around on the giant piano at FAO Schwartz. He had learned quickly that she enjoyed reading and often found that they would end up spending hours together in the children's section at the local Barnes and Noble.

Sebastian often showered her in gifts; usually larger than the last. A stuffed dog, a new dress, piano lessons, ice skates, anything and everything she asked for. Sam had told him to cut it out, claiming that he was spending too much on her. He had eventually convinced the older sister that he enjoyed doing those things simply because he loved Sally. And he did, he loved the little girl almost as much as he loved his classic books back at home. Sam had shaken her head and walked away; a promise on her lips that Sebastian would regret it one day.

He didn't.

But Sally did have Sebastian constantly questioning himself. She had calmed him down from the party boy he was into a man with a heart. Sebastian figured that having a child like Sally wouldn't be so bad one day.

He thinks back to his dream, the girl with her hair in soft ringlets and the boy with his taunting and teasing tone. Sebastian wants that, he knows deep down, and when he sees Kurt from across the table that had a large smile on his face as he kneels down close to Sally to whisper something in her ear, something pulls at his heartstrings that make Sebastian cringe.

He had woken up the morning after the dream wondering where his subconscious had been. Clearly Sebastian was just in need of someone to love and he had just put Kurt into that place. But as Seb continues to watch Kurt, he realizes that this may not be the case. For now, he tries not to think about Kurt in anyway but a close friend. He had made a promise to Blaine that he would protect Kurt, not dream about spending his life with him.

Sebastian winks at the little girl, who currently is chewing down on a bright pink piece of cake, from across the table before he lets his eyes wander around the room.

Each child was different from the next, a few had long golden hair and some had shortly cropped raven locks. Sebastian's eyes eventually fall to the boy that sits directly to Sally's right. He was a bit smaller than the rest of the boys but his smile was larger and he seemed to be the closest to Sally. He had been singing along with the rest of the crowd, Sebastian had easily picked the little boys voice out from them. It reminded him of Blaine, smooth and swift with just enough innocence that the child would probably never know just what his voice could do to people.

Sebastian tried not to notice the fact that his hair was eerily similar to Blaine's.

He watches as Kurt busies himself around the table helping kids with various things. He makes sure Sally gets each present and knows who they're all from; he makes sure that all the kids throw away their food and pays extra special attention to the curly headed boy.

Sebastian wonders how Kurt has so much experience with children and just _why_is he here?

The remainder of the party is spent with some of the fathers who are all sitting around a large flat screen watching the Yankees game. Someone brings up an unfair call and that's when Sebastian zones out, his eyes watching Kurt interact with the women on the other side of the house.

He had noticed years ago that Kurt likes to talk with his hands and notes with a smile that he still does. _At least some things don't change._

Kurt catches his eye and smiles, a silent invitation for Sebastian to join him. He doesn't take a second to think before he's up and moving away from the yells of the rambunctious fathers. He sits down close to Kurt, their shoulders touching, which startles Kurt a bit so that he jumps. The pair quickly engage in conversation, something pertaining to the way that Kurt seems to be wearing less and less girl clothes and Sebastian seems to smell a lot less like Craigslist.

The other moms seem to be confused by the snarky banter so Kurt introduces Sebastian with the apology of 'Oh, I'm sorry, I assumed just everyone had to know who he was. That's what he's always telling me, at least.'

Sebastian can hear behind him the splashes of children as they jump in the pool screaming. All the moms and Kurt turn quickly to make sure there's no problem and that no one has been unfairly pushed into the pool.

"Zeke! Be careful with Bryce! You know he's got asthma." Kurt's yell startles Sebastian. Sebastian watches as the curly haired boy (which he had come to realize must be Zeke), apologizes to the smaller boy and helps him over to the side of the pool. Sebastian can just barely make out the words of 'are you okay?' coming from the little boy's mouth. Kurt turns back around and grabs his drink off the table muttering something along the lines of 'children' and all the moms laugh in response.

Sebastian notices the way that Kurt seems to get along so much better with the mothers, but not because he's feminine. He notes the way Kurt laughs easier and smiles brighter when he's surrounded by people that he knows. He's not as stiff and he seems almost relaxed than what Sebastian remembers from seeing him a few days prior at the grocery store.

Kurt hand lands on Sebastian's lower thigh when he hears a crack of thunder above their heads. _Since when had Kurt been afraid of storms?_ Sebastian slides his arm around Kurt waist, nothing more than his way of saying that Kurt was safe and that he would do everything in his power to make sure Kurt remained that way.

An hour later and the sky seem to have darkened quickly. Lightning flashes in the distance and that's when all the parents decide it's time to leave.

Sebastian stands inside a few minutes later as he watches Kurt gather his things and pack them into a small bag. He watches him kiss Sally on the cheek before Kurt finds Sebastian again.

"So..."

Sebastian smiles at Kurt, his hand reaching out to pluck off a clump of glitter of his chest. Sebastian notes that Kurt seems to shrug off the offending piece of material, something that high school Kurt probably would have screamed bloody murder over.

"We should meet again soon." Kurt says.

"Yeah, of course. I'll shoot you a text when I'm free. Boss man has me on a hell of a lot of work right now with the approaching deadlines."

"I understand. Fashion week is coming up anyways. Just let me know." Kurt reaches out, his hand grabbing onto Sebastian's wrist with a gentle squeeze.

"See ya, Kurt." he watches him wander around the corner before venturing off towards the kitchen to snatch up a leftover cupcake.

Sebastian peeks around the corner just as he hears Kurt reach the front door.

_I hope he gets home okay, with the way that lightning had startled him I worry if he'll be alright driving._

Sebastian smile falters as he watches Kurt leave, his hand in a young boy's. The child with caramel eyes and unruly curly hair; the child that Sebastian had thought looked oddly like Blaine- although he knew that was impossible. The child that Kurt had scolded when he had jumped into the pool.

Sebastian is quickly putting the pieces together when his breath leaves him in one giant exhale. Rushing from the grocery store, avoiding family in conversation, a child's birthday party.

And finally the puzzle comes together before Sebastian's eyes; the missing piece is finally placed in the middle and suddenly he understands.

They had a child. They had a little boy and he didn't even know. Sebastian can't breathe as he falls to the floor, hands in his hair and head against his knees. He barely hears when Sam says "Seb?" in his ear.

_They had a child._


	6. Chapter Five

**AN:/ Hey guys! Thank you all so much for reading. I've gotten such positive feedback and i really look forward to reading what you guys have to say. I've got AP tests for the next two weeks so i'm not sure when there will be a new update, but i'll try my hardest! If you've got any questions/ concerns/ or comments hit me up on my tumblr or PM me! Thanks again for reading!**

**One more thing, this chapter is a little bit triggery if you've ever lost someone. It shouldn't be too bad though. **

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><p>Kurt is standing at his kitchen counter nearly a month and a half later. He's always found comfort in the kitchen; it's been the one steady thing throughout his life that makes him feel like he's okay. Kurt can throw himself into his cooking for a few hours and be completely at peace when he's done. It's always been this way: his mother's death, Blaine's departure, and Blaine's death.<p>

The kitchen is a nice size for the place that Zeke and Kurt live in. The tones are grey and calm with a bit of accenting yellow in various places around the room. It's what one would call an open kitchen- there are no walls that connect it from one room to another so Kurt has the perfect view of the living room from where he's standing. The appliances are a few years old and not top of the line, but Kurt is okay with this. The tabletops are of cheap granite and there isn't nearly enough storage space for all of Kurt's cooking utensils, but he gets by. The counter that he's currently leaning on also provides as a breakfast bar, but Kurt rarely uses it. He's always been the type of person that likes to eat meals at the table.

He has a half eaten bowl of whole-wheat cereal sitting in front of him, probably soggy by now because he hasn't touched it. Kurt's watching Zeke across the room, where he sits watching his Saturday morning cartoons. He's curled up in a blanket, his thumb in his mouth and his eyes heavy with sleep. He can see Zeke plucking at the fur on his small, golden colored stuff dog and Kurt wonders if the day will ever come where Zeke will ask where the dog came from.

He almost wants to tell him that it's from his Aunt Rachel.

Kurt sighs and tosses the soggy food into the garbage disposal before grabbing the paper off of his front porch. He notices that the weather has suddenly gotten much cooler and he makes a note to take Zeke shopping for some new winter clothes later in the month. Kurt makes his way to the couch that his son is sitting on and plops down on the opposite side. Before he even has a chance to open the paper, Zeke is curled up against his father and Kurt feels _okay _again.

He tries not to look at the dog in Zeke's grasp, knowing that it'll only bring back Blaine. He bites his lip as he turns to the article on page A4 and throws himself into the latest news of Manhattan.

_Whatever it takes to get Blaine off my mind._

The phone rings an hour later, the noise startling Kurt and nearly waking Zeke up from where he had fallen back asleep on Kurt's shoulder. He grabs the phone off the dock next to him quickly, and answers it in a quiet voice.

"Hello?"

"Hey Bud." Kurt breathes out a sigh of relief.

"Hey dad," Kurt's hand comes up and runs through Zeke's hair a few times. "What's up?" Kurt can hear Burt sigh on the line.

"Kurt- you know exactly why I'm calling. You know what tomorrow is." Kurt gulps and looks out the window. From where he's sitting he can see Jeff and Nick playing with their little girl in the backyard.

_That should be us._

"Of course I know what tomorrow is, Dad. I'm fine, alright? I've been throwing myself into work a lot more now and I even met a few new people. I'm fine."

_Please, don't believe that. I'm not okay._

"Kurt, I know you're lying. I know it hurts, I do. I went through the same thing with your mother. It's been nearly six years," Kurt gasps, he doesn't want to think about it, "I know it took me a lot longer to move on, but I think you should start thinking about finding someone. Blaine isn't here anymore and I know that you know that, but the pain starts to go away a little bit when you find someone." Kurt stood from his spot on the couch, careful not to wake Zeke and makes his way to his bedroom.

"Dad, I-" He's cut off.

"No, Kurt. Let me speak. I've waited way too long to talk to you about this. Blaine was your first love, but that doesn't mean that he'll be your last. He wouldn't want you to live like this, and you know that. He'd want you to be happy and eventually move on just like I know is what you'd have wanted for him. Tomorrow, don't think about your loss but the gains that you've gotten. Hell, Kurt, you're being featured in fashion week this year!" Kurt's face is now tear streaked but he somehow manages to let out a laugh. "Kurt, your life isn't over and I know your once-a-week therapy has been helping, but you should try to get out there more. Do it for you; you owe it to yourself to be happy."

Kurt swallows, "Yeah, of course dad. I'll try okay?"

"Promise?" Kurt flinches.

"Yeah, I promise." He knows he can't keep it. He's already asked Nick and Jeff to take Zeke for a few days so he can fly back to Ohio to spend some time with Blaine. Kurt can't just _move on_, but not because he doesn't want to. He just simply can't. He promised Blaine that he'd love him long after death do them part; the death factor just came a bit sooner than he expected. Kurt says goodbye to his father a half hour later, he doesn't plan on making a short visit to see his family when he goes to Ohio.

Just Blaine.

It's always been _just Blaine._

* * *

><p>Sebastian wakes up on Sunday with a headache. It's more than that, really. He knows exactly what today is and knows exactly why there's a pounding in his skull. Sure, he misses Blaine. He misses him more than anything, but he doesn't have a headache because of Blaine's death.<p>

Oh no, he has a headache because he's been worrying about Kurt all week. How is the man holding up? Has he been eating well and making sure to get enough sleep? Does his son know what today is and why Kurt is probably locked up in his bedroom? Sebastian just isn't sure how Kurt is holding up, and it worries him.

He dresses quickly in whatever he can find that's clean. _I really need to do laundry. _But right now, that's the least of his worries. Seb makes his way towards Nico's, the walk being of an abnormally long distance but he makes sure to do it at least once a week.

He walks into at least ten people on the way there.

He pulls the door open with an extra amount of force, and smiles to see that there are only two other people in the shop. He sees Sam behind the counter and sends her a wink, which gets her laughing, and things seem almost normal. Almost like this is any other Sunday that he comes in. She hands him his usual order and says it's on the house but Sebastian tips her anyway. They're talking for a few moments; Sebastian is leaning on the counter teasing her about the boy she's been seeing recently, when the doorbell chimes behind them.

"Kurt! What a nice surprise!" Sebastian whirls around to see Kurt, a small suitcase at his feet. Sebastian can tell Kurt is panicking on the inside.

"Hey Sam," Kurt places his order and turns then to look at Sebastian. Neither of them thinks twice before embracing. His stomach tumbles when he feels Sebastian's hot breath on his neck and his soft words in his ear.

"You'll be okay. I'm here and I'm going with you." Kurt clings to Sebastian, his hands gripping the other man's jacket so tight that there will surely be wrinkles in it later. He knows if he lets go now, he'll start crying so he simply nods and keeps holding on. He doesn't notice the way Sebastian pays for Kurt's drink or how Sam shoots the pair a curious look. He stumbles out the door, still attached to Sebastian as they quickly make their way to the airport.

Somehow, Sebastian manages to land a seat on the same flight as Kurt. Neither of them has spoken, but they don't need to. They land only an hour later and arrive at the cemetery two hours following. He can see that Kurt has been slowly falling apart and lets the man get out on his own and go to the grave by himself. _Just for now, give him some space. _He tells himself as he watches Kurt cling to Blaine's grave.

* * *

><p>Kurt can't stop crying. The tears are falling and falling and he can't stop them. He reaches a slow, shaky hand up and runs his fingers across the headstone –<p>

_Blaine Anderson_

_Son, Husband, Father_

"_It is our choices that show us what we truly are, far more than our abilities."_

– _J.K. Rowling_

Kurt can't help but smile at the quote. It had been one of Blaine's things that he had always wanted if he were to die before Kurt.

"_Kurt, I really think we need to do this. Freak accidents happen all the time and I just want to make sure we both know what we want. Just, let's write the things down and put them in an envelope and hope to never see them again until we're old and gray."_

_Blaine had been harassing Kurt since they'd gotten married six months before to plan out what they would do in case of a sudden death. He had been resisting it for a while, simply because he didn't want to believe that anything would ever split them up._

"_Fine, Blaine, fine. We'll make our lists, but we'll do it together. Come," Kurt patted their comforter, and grabbed the pad of paper off their bedside table, "If we're doing this, we're going to do it now, I don't like thinking about what life would be like without you." Blaine crawls up on the bed and sits himself behind his husband, his arms wrapping around Kurt's torso as he allows his head to rest on his shoulder._

"_Okay, first, cremation or casket?" They go on like this for some time, taking about what type of gravestone they'd like and if they want any of their ashes spread out somewhere special. They talk about the songs they'd like to be played and that they want everyone in bright colors because they should be celebrating the other's life, not mourning their death._

_It's when Kurt brings up the fact that they need to figure out what will go on the gravestone that he realizes just how in love he is with Blaine._

"_All I want is for this quote to be on my grave. I raised myself living off of these words." Kurt knows that Blaine has. The words are inked on his husband's skin, on the lower part of his ribs on the left side of his body. When he's upset, Kurt likes to run his hands over the black cursive as Blaine sings a song in his ear._

"_Blaine-" He can feel Blaine's suddenly wet cheek against his own._

"_I'm fine, Kurt. We need to finish this so we can go to dinner." Kurt sighs and scrawls down his own quote quickly._

_They finish the rest of the paper and as Kurt stands to step in the shower, but Blaine stops him._

_He turns to face his husband, and reaches a hand up to run his thumb across the stubble on Blaine's chin. They lean in for a sweet kiss, the kind that only happens when a couple reaches a new milestone in a relationship. The kiss is then broken by three soft words whispered on Kurt's lips._

"_I love you."_

Kurt places his bag down next to Blaine's grave and reaches for a few objects inside. He pulls out a single sunflower, a bowtie, and a framed picture of Kurt and Zeke.

"Hey baby, it's been a while since I've been back. New York is a bit farther than I'd like it to be, but I guess if I lived close to you I'd probably never leave this place. Zeke's gotten so much bigger since we've last talked, and God, he looks like you more and more every day. I've decided to let his hair grow out a bit so it's starting to look like a big mop on top of his head. It reminds me of those old pictures you showed me from when you were in junior high." Kurt has both hands placed on Blaine's headstone, wishing that he could just hear Blaine's voice one more time.

"Life isn't the same without you, you know. And even though it's been six years- God, six years- I can't fall asleep sometimes without wishing you were there to hold me. I keep wondering when it's going to get easier, when someone is going to save me from my downfall. 'Cause I know that's what you'd want. You'd want me to move on and fall in love again, but it's _hard, _it's really, really hard."

Kurt speaks to Blaine for ten more minutes when he hears a car door shut in the distance. He doesn't need to check to know that it's Sebastian.

"'Bas is here today, I ran into him about a month ago. He's brought back so many memories that I can decide whether it's a good thing or a bad thing with him around. At least I know he's making me feel something again. I don't feel so _hollow _anymore. I don't really understand what that means, though." Kurt stops rambling as Sebastian steps up beside him. Kurt reaches over and tugs his friend down; somehow managing to curl himself into Sebastian's side. Kurt isn't paying attention when Seb starts talking to Blaine; he's just trying to take comfort in the fact that his two favorite boys are with him again (minus Zeke, of course).

It almost feels like home, like Blaine has never left.

It's late when the pair finally makes it to the hotel that Kurt has booked for the night. Kurt can hear the shower go on in the connected bathroom and his mind jumps to the fact that _oh my God, Sebastian is naked and wet and holy hell, _but quickly stops his thoughts from going anywhere because _Blaine _passed away six years ago today.

Kurt has already changed and moisturized when his cell phone rings from the table and he already knows who it is.

"Hey Coop,"

"Kurtsie, how you holdin' up?" Kurt smiles at the nickname.

"As good as I can be every year on this day. How're you and the rest of the Andersons?" On Cooper's side of the line he hears a woman- probably his wife- say something in the background, but thinks nothing of it.

"Mom is in hysterics. This year seems to be worse than all the others, but none of us can really figure out why. Pop's locked himself in his office and most likely on his way to an alcohol induced coma. And well, I've just been watching old home videos all day, same as every year." Kurt pulls his knees up to his chest and jumps slightly when Sebastian walks into the hotel room. He's got a towel _barely _wrapped around his waist; Kurt duly notes that Sebastian has gotten so much more muscular.

"Make sure you give them all my love, alright? I miss you guys, especially you. I know someone's been asking when his uncle 'oop is coming back." Cooper chuckles on the other line at the nickname. Sebastian has already yanked on a pair of sweatpants when he comes back into Kurt's view and is now pulling on a soft, cotton shirt. He sends Kurt a questioning look and he mouths back 'Cooper.'

"I actually wanted to talk to you about that. How would you feel if Lacey and I came down for Christmas? Maybe brought the kids? They were going to stay with Mom and Pops, but I think a New York holiday is just what our family needs." Kurt chews on his bottom lip as Sebastian crawls in bed next to him.

Kurt moves closer to Sebastian's warm body and doesn't flinch when the man wraps a comforting arm around him. It's been so long that he's been held that right now, he's just thankful that someone is finally there.

"Actually, that sounds like a wonderful idea. Why don't we spend the week on the lake?" The Anderson's lake house was something that both families- the Hummel's and the Anderson's- had loved spending time at when Blaine was still alive. Nearly every holiday was spent there and everyone seemed to get along in a nice and pleasing way.

"You know what, that sounds like a fantastic idea. I'll invite my rents and you invite yours and Finn of course and we'll have one more holiday for old time sake." The pair talks for a few more minutes until Kurt claims he really needs to get some sleep.

Kurt and Sebastian lay in silence for a few minutes until Sebastian speaks up.

"He's here, Kurt. He's watching over you every day; making sure you stay out of trouble and that you're safe. He's your guardian angel."

He buries his face in Sebastian's chest as he starts crying again. Neither says another word and Sebastian can't help but think that he's finally living up to what Blaine had asked of him.

Kurt cries himself to sleep and Sebastian never lets go. He doesn't plan to ever again.

Sebastian wakes up much earlier than Kurt only to find him wrapped around him. His heart is racing and he can't stop but wonder just why he is enjoying this so much. He feels warm, but Sebastian knows it isn't from the heater on the opposite side of the room.

He ignores his fluttering chest as he pulls away from Kurt and heads to the bathroom. _Not him._

* * *

><p>The pair arrives home the following afternoon and much to Kurt's surprise, he finds that he doesn't want to leave Sebastian's side just yet. They're both standing on the street in front of Sebastian's car when Sebastian speaks out.<p>

"Do you wanna come back to my place? I mean you don't-" Sebastian is quickly cut off.

"Bas, I'd love to." He moves around to the passenger side of his car and opens it for Kurt who looks stunned. The pair spends the ride back home to Sebastian's singing the oldies and laughing along to the tourists on the street.

It almost feels like yesterday never happened.

_Almost._

Kurt really isn't surprised when he steps in the front door of his friend's place. It _screams _Sebastian.

"So yeah, this is it. Um, I've got food and I figured I could find something for us to eat…" Kurt laughs as he follows Sebastian into the kitchen, his fingers trailing across the bright, sparkling aluminum.

"God, your kitchen is amazing." Sebastian chuckles as he pulls open the refrigerator door; he snags a beer off the door and turns to offer one to Kurt. He declines but gently pushes Sebastian out of the way. "Assuming that you still can't cook, I'll take matters into my own hands and make us something."

"Kurt, you really don't have to." Kurt is already pulling ingredients out.

"I know that I don't have to, but I want to. I mean, God, you just flew with me to Ohio. The least I can do is make you dinner." Sebastian smiles softly and sits himself at the bar as he watches Kurt shuffle around the room.

He notices that Kurt likes to clean up as he goes along. He notices that Kurt cooks with his left hand and somehow easily finds where everything is in the kitchen when Sebastian doesn't say anything. He notices that Kurt has almost _lost _himself in the cooking and the spark is back in his eyes when he takes a small taste of the homemade Fettuccini Alfredo sauce.

It seems almost domestic in the sense that Sebastian can see Kurt doing this in his kitchen five, ten and even fifteen years from now. Of course, he shoots the thought away as soon as it happens, but it's there in his subconscious now and for some reason he keeps going back to it.

"Oh my God!" Sebastian's suddenly paying attention again, his eyes really focused on Kurt who has his hand against his chest. "Who are you?" He watches Kurt reach down and pluck Velvet off the ground. "Aren't you just the most adorable little baby, has your papa not fed you today? Is that why you're here?" Kurt glances at Sebastian who is already standing and opening a fresh packet of food. Kurt places the animal down next to it with a final scratch to the back. "You didn't tell me you had a cat."

_Yeah, well you didn't tell me you had a child either, Kurt._

"It never came up. That's Velvet."

"When'd you get her?"

"About six months ago. Found her in central park hiding under the bridge from the rain. I just didn't have the heart to leave her there. She's been pretty nice to have around. She's a bit of a cuddle monster, but I put up with it because she's cute." He sends Kurt a flirty wink who smiles in return.

"Well, she's definitely a cutie," Kurt has already scooped the portions onto two plates and is carrying them over towards where Sebastian was sitting prior to feeding Velvet. He wrinkles his nose at the fact that his dining room table is a complete disaster.

"You know, Bas, you've changed a lot since Blaine's death." Sebastian quickly joins him and scoops a bite of food into his mouth, he moans at the taste and misses Kurt's blush.

"I've grown up, Kurt. So, sue me if I love Sally and enjoy having pets and hell, maybe I've been thinking about wanting a family. It's just," Sebastian swivels his chair to look at Kurt, "watching everyone around you fall in love and start families makes you realize you're getting older. One day, I won't be able to get a guy with a wink and a motion, and before that happens I'd like to have someone I can call my own. My baby sister is getting married in six months and here I am, alone and with a cat." Sebastian snorts and runs a hand through his hair.

"Sebastian, you know you'll find someone." Sebastian looks Kurt in the eye before letting his own wander down to Kurt's lips. He's got a bit of sauce on the corner of his mouth, and before he can think Sebastian is wiping it away with the pad of his thumb.

They both pause and hold their breath, although the air around them holds none of tension or awkwardness. He swallows harshly and wishes Kurt would understand. He watches as Kurt's cheeks ignite with fire and the small sparkle reappears in his eyes once again. Sebastian's hand comes up once again and cups Kurt's cheek; his emotions on overdrive at the hot flesh under the clammy skin of his hand.

"I know I will, Kurt." Sebastian's finger runs slowly up and down Kurt's cheekbone. "And so will you." Kurt gulps and nods, his eyes lost in the green swirls of Sebastian's irises.

Their dinner is finished quickly and Sebastian does the dishes while singing along to a song on the radio in the background. Kurt is next to him, drying said dishes, and is nodding his own head along to the music. Kurt's phone goes off somewhere from the living room and he places the plate in the cabinet before rushing to get it.

"Hey Nick, yeah I'm in New York-" Sebastian dries the last dish before turning off the lights and heading towards the living room.

"No, I'm fine. I had dinner with Sebastian. Why? Is everything alright? How's Zeke?" _There's that name again, _Sebastian thinks as he takes a seat on his couch and watches the city outside.

"Yeah, Smythe," The couch dips where Kurt places himself next to him. Sebastian's fingers find Kurt's shoulder and are subconsciously running up and down it. "Alright, well I was just about to head home. Could you put him to bed for me? Alright, thanks again. I'll see you soon."

"Trouble at home?" Kurt nearly misses Sebastian's words.

"What? Oh, no, just Nick wondering when I'll be home." Sebastian sighs and turns to face Kurt a bit more.

"When were you going to tell me you had a child?" Kurt's breath hitches in his throat.

"Sebastian-"

"I'm not mad, Kurt. I'm just curious. I had no idea until about a month ago."

"I was just worried. The last time we had seen each other you didn't like kids. I remember you saying something about them being the spawn of Satan-" Sebastian laughs from somewhere deep down.

"Okay, that kid poured glue all over my new shirt. He _was_ the spawn of Satan!" Kurt giggles.

"I know, but I was just worried that if you knew you wouldn't want me around anymore. Zeke is… well, he's everything I've got. He's the most important person in the world to me and if you didn't like him, well I wouldn't be able to handle that." Kurt starts fiddling with the hem of his t-shirt when Sebastian speaks again.

"I'd like to meet him, if that's alright. I figured out what he looked like at Sal's party. Just like B, right?" Kurt smiles sadly and nods.

"Of course you can meet him, maybe sometime when he has winter break. I'm- I'm not ready to introduce him to-" Sebastian isn't mad that he can't meet the little monster right away. He understands where Kurt's coming from. Introducing Sebastian could go one of two ways, wondrously or terribly.

"I understand, Kurt. We're just rekindling our friendship now. When you're ready and you feel like I'm ready, you let me know. I won't have changed my number by then." Kurt nods, the sinking in his stomach that had appeared suddenly vanishing.

_God, he really has changed._

Kurt leaves five minutes later after promising Sebastian to meet for coffee sometime in the next few days. He doesn't realize until he's in home and in bed that this is the first time he's had a real smile on his face in what seems like years.


	7. Chapter Six

**AN: Thanks for waiting a bit longer than usual for the update. My tests are all done now and i'm officially out of school on Wednesday! You should expect an update within the next few days. If you're curious about what the ring looks like, or how I imagine Sebastian and Kurt's coffee corner to look like, head over to my tumblr (lost-in-maine) and you'll see some pictures. Thanks again for all the subscribes, favorites and reviews!**

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><p>Sebastian is standing in a freshly pressed black sleek suit clad with a crisp white shirt and thin black tie right outside of one very familiar, iconic building. He swirls the coffee around in his cup, his fingers already resistant against the heat the liquid gives off as he glances up at the ever-familiar light blue that is <em>Tiffany &amp; Co<em>. His eyes trail back down to a display of rings in the case in front of him and he gulps down a swig of coffee that is sure to burn his throat when he realizes he's staring at the wedding rings.

He really wishes he could say that he was only there because his sister and soon to be brother in law were shopping for their wedding bands, but that wasn't the case (although, he could see them through the glass; his sister's got a smile so wide on her face that it could crack every diamond in the very store). But in all honesty, he had volunteered to come with the happy couple, albeit the rest of his siblings were there, he wasn't the type of person to want to do this stuff.

He had gotten the phone call only a few weeks earlier that his family would be in town for wedding preparations. To be quite frank, Sebastian had zoned on his sisters ramblings, so much so that he had agreed to bring a plus one without really realizing what he was doing. And now, Sebastian was doing all in his power to convince himself he could find his plus one before the wedding (just a week away now, if he could remember correctly).

Sebastian's eyes watch as the diamonds in the rings twinkle under the display lights and suddenly he feels a pull somewhere deep down and wonders just what one of those rings would look like on his better half. The one he spots that he falls in love with is gold, its silver sister sitting right next to it, the diamonds on the band wrap around in alternating spots: one up, one down, one up, one down.

He lets his mind wander to a place where he's standing on the end of a long aisle; his heart is pumping quickly and the music that they had agreed on begins playing for his soon-to-be husband; a signal to walk down the aisle. The people in the seats stand and Sebastian soon turns to watch the man of his dreams step forward to join him.

And there he is. The soft, pale, porcelain skin illuminated even better under the soft light from the setting sun. His hair is swept up in a style that Sebastian has come to realize he adores. Sebastian's eyes meet the stormy blue-or is it grey- eyes of the man and he wishes he could say that they barley startle him anymore, but they still do.

Sebastian gets a feeling that he never wants them to stop.

Sebastian doesn't even need to put a name to a face to realize who he just thought of. He knows exactly who the man in his fantasy was, but the problem is that he can't quite figure out _why._

Sebastian pulls himself away from the window display as he hears his sister's high-pitched laugh when she finally exits the store; the family trailing quickly behind her. He meanders behind them silently, his eyes on his sister and the fiancé.

The pair is happily whispering to each other, their words lost to any onlookers from the noises of the hustle and bustle that is New York City. Brandon (the fiancé) takes Sarah's (the little sister) hand in his own and pulls it up to his lips to place a chaste kiss on it. Her face flushes a subtle pink and that's when Sebastian realizes he's kissed her engagement ring; a symbol between them just how much she means to him. Sarah lays her head on Brandon's shoulder and it seems as if nothing can touch them because nothing can, but not for the reason that they're heterosexual but simply because they're _in love._

And isn't that reason enough?

The group continues walking, but Sebastian has stopped. A large neon sign has appeared and everything makes sense now because as soon as he realizes that _all you need is love _he spots the one person that seals his fate across the street.

A man dressed in a pair of grey fitted slacks and a long, slim black pea coat is fussing around with a small child that has a head of hair that is surely to be a bird's nest one day, if it isn't already.

Sebastian watches with a smile as Kurt slips a jacket around- what was it - Zeke's shoulder's to keep the small boy warm against the winter weather. He watches as a few friends flock Kurt's side, all adorned with their own equally as bundled child, but all much less fashionable. He can barely make out what Kurt is saying to the little boy, but Sebastian smiles as the small one tries to pull the gloves off of his hands and give them back to his father.

Blaine never liked gloves either.

He thinks of going to say hello, but realizes that neither Kurt nor Sebastian are ready for Zeke introductions.

Instead, he snatches his phone out of his pocket and sends Kurt a quick text that he's looking positively delicious today and much to Sebastian's delight, Kurt's face lights up like a Christmas tree.

Kurt texts back with a _how?_

Sebastian simply tells him to look up and suddenly they've caught each other's eyes.

Sebastian's heart is pounding and his palms are sweating even though today is one of the coldest days New York has had this holiday season (it's nearly Thanksgiving now). He watches as Kurt takes a step forward to say hello but soon realizes the same thing Sebastian had only moments ago. He watches as Kurt looks down at his phone and types out a quick message. Sebastian's phone zings out a tone only a second later.

_Coffee tomorrow?_

_**Well it is Sunday; you didn't assume that just because the holidays are in a few days that you'd get off the hook that easily, did you?**_

It had become their _thing _to meet at Nico's every Sunday morning for coffee. It had also become a common occurrence to spend at least two days a week out for lunch. And on occasions, they'd spend a Friday evening together at Sebastian's place discussing books or talking about one of Kurt's latest designs. And with a little bit of luck, the pair would end up cuddled together on the large leather couch, (that was _finally _getting some use, thank God), watching the latest super hero movie or rom-com that fit their fancy for the evening.

_Oh, silly me for thinking something as crazy as that. You know, you've got a herd of people walking straight towards you right? Wait- is that your mother? Tell her I said hello!_

Sebastian laughs and replies with a witty comment just as his mother's arms engulf him in a hug. You'd think they'd realize that he's the one that actually lives here; he can handle himself on his own.

Over the top of his mother's head his eyes land on the spot where Kurt stands, only to realize his beacon of light is no longer there. He puts on a smile and pulls back from his mother and thinks to himself _only one more day._

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><p>When Kurt gets home around two that day, he automatically sends Zeke to Jeff and Nick's. He needs some time to himself and as he looks outside, he notices his flower garden has started to grow weeds.<p>

Between the time of Blaine's death and the two years following, Kurt had taken a liking to flowers. He had always _enjoyed _them, but for some reason he found them even more wonderful. He figured it had something to do with the life and death cycles of certain types, how in the winter they'd wither away and in the spring they'd come back in full bloom like they were never gone; like they had never lost their life.

Kurt almost hopes he's a flower like one of these; he's just been stuck in his winter for a few longer years than he would've liked. It seems as if Sebastian has brought out the sunlight and maybe there is hope for the next season now.

A happier season.

Kurt knows that Sebastian is just a friend to him. They simply _can't _have an intimate relationship or even anything past good friends. He remembers over hearing Blaine and Sebastian's pact, something they did just days before Blaine left for the first time. Both were a bit tipsy, but it was important enough for both to remember. He's violently plucking weeds out as he lets his mind wander back.

"_Hey 'Bas?" Blaine hiccups and Kurt tries not to laugh. From his spot on the stairs he can see Sebastian and Blaine leaning on each other. Their minds are too alcohol hazed for them to be able to sit up right without the world spinning just a little bit. The table is littered with different beer bottles, all exotic per Sebastian's taste. The TV in front of the pair flickered and Kurt could barely make out the sound of someone screaming 'Touchdown!'_

"_Yeah short-stack?" That earns Sebastian a smack upside the head._

"_Can I ask you to do me a favor? For when I'm gone?" Kurt can feel the air shift and suddenly things are_ heavier_. The blood is flowing hot and heavy in his ears and the word_ gone _is there; it's engrained in his head like a branding on a cow's rear end. Kurt keeps trying to convince himself that Blaine isn't leaving him; he's just going on vacation. Just for a few months, nothing permanent._

"_O'course," Kurt can hear how Sebastian's breath gets caught in his throat and he knows exactly what type of pain the other man is in._

"_If anything happens to me," there's a pregnant pause and Kurt has to push the heels of his palms into his eyes to prevent any tears, "will you promise to watch after Kurt? Make sure he doesn't hurt himself or anything. I don't- I don't know what I'd do if Kurt ever decided to join me in wherever the afterlife brings me." Kurt's mouth runs dry because he suddenly gets that Blaine is talking about death. Not just his normal rounds overseas, but honest to God death._

"_Blaine, I promise, you didn't even have to ask. I'll always be there for you and him and anyone that you ask. Kurt is as much of my family as you are to me, and watching either of you get hurt would kill me inside."_

_Kurt can't help but think of that cold, lonely boy from high school; the one who found enjoyment in torturing even the weakest of men for small external flaws. He wonders what seventeen-year-old Sebastian would say to this one. Even if the façade only falls when Sebastian is around them, it's better than nothing._

"_Thanks Seb, he's everything to me and if I ever left him alone knowing that I never asked anyone to watch after my most prized possession, I think that'd probably be my biggest regret." Kurt watches as Sebastian throws an arm around Blaine's shoulder and pulls him closer._

"_You're my best friend man; I'd do anything for you -with or without you asking." Kurt stands and makes his way to Blaine and his bedroom, his lip now cherry red from where he had been gnawing on it, and misses the last portion of the conversation._

_And that may be the most important part._

Kurt often thinks of what Blaine would think of him now.

Would he be proud of his husband for the way he had raised Zeke or upset that Kurt never had anyone assist him? Would he praise Kurt for having such faith in himself or scold him for being so stupid in thinking that Blaine could come back?

For a while, Kurt thought he would.

He wonders what Blaine would say about Kurt and the way he's been acting with Sebastian. It feels like the Chandler episode all over again. He wonders what Blaine would say knowing that Kurt's stomach erupts with butterflies as the sight of a smile from Sebastian or that his fingers start to nervous tap when he's driving to meet the man for lunch... or even when his stomach takes that swoop when he receives an unexpected text message.

Kurt barely notices the way a smile is on his face more often than not now; how his eyes have a bit of light in them again or the way he finds himself not in tears at least twice a day anymore. Kurt barely notices the pain slipping away and the weight on his shoulders is just a little bit less.

He feels guilty, _what would Blaine say?_

It feels like he's cheating on his dead spouse and there's nothing Blaine can do about it now. Blaine is dead and there's no one there to defend him.

Kurt continues de-weeding his garden long into the afternoon and only stops when his son walks into the backyard and asks his daddy what's for dinner. Kurt can see the marker that will be stained on his son's arms for the next five days and the crown of glitter that will be laced in his hair for months at the top of his head. For the first time in years, Kurt doesn't care. He smiles broadly and stands, wiping his hands on his gardening jeans before he picks Zeke up in the air and spins him around.

They're both giggling as they head inside.

"I'm thinking pizza tonight, how's that sound?" Kurt laughs at the squeal his son emits and he feels blissfully happy.

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><p>"No! So then, her kid takes the <em>entire <em>bowl of frozen yogurt and dumps it on her new blouse. All over it. I swear the waitress looked like she was going to hurtle the kid out the window. And that, Bas, is why you never tell a kid no gummy bears." Sebastian is nearly in tears by the end of Kurt's story. He lifts himself up off the plush cushion of the chair just enough to slide his feet under his legs in a crisscross position.

"So, you go out with that clan _every _Saturday?" Kurt shrugs his shoulders slightly, so much so that Sebastian nearly missed it; his eyes much to focused on the small smile that adorned Kurt's face.

"That's what being a dad is all about, Bas. It's never boring though! No, we don't go out every Saturday, but they're my friends. I don't see it as babysitting; the boys are just an added bonus." They both start cracking up again and Sebastian motions for another round of coffee.

Sebastian launches into a story about one of his best friends and Kurt takes a moment to appreciate the beauty of where he is. From where he is sitting, Kurt can see that the sky has just started to open up and a small sprinkle of rain has started to fall. Kurt knows from experience that if he were to step outside at this moment, the air would smell clean and fresh and not at all what New York smells like.

People are already beginning to dash off the streets and out of the rain, knowing that the heavier stuff is coming. They're pushing their way into Nico's, all searching for a place to sit. Kurt watches as a man eyes the empty seat next to his own so he reaches across the table and practically pulls Sebastian onto the bench next to him.

Sebastian throws an arm around Kurt just as his (former) seat gets taken by a pregnant woman. He glances at Kurt, taking a quick moment to admire the profile of the man; the steep swoop of his nose and the soft upturn of his lip-balm covered lips. Sebastian is leaning forward for a taste, just a small one, even if it's just on the side of the mouth when he catches himself.

He has to remember that they're not there yet.

He tries hard not to think about the fact that they might never be.

Kurt is throwing out insults left and right under his breath at every soaked tourist that walks through the door. It's pouring outside now and a clap of thunder sends Kurt huddling his way closer into Sebastian's embrace. The Christmas lights next to Kurt flicker on and the café lights dim just slightly giving the place a homey feel; somewhere that you'd actually want to be on a rainy Sunday morning with the person you care about.

He feels like he's in a storybook right now. Like the scene he's read hundreds of times from the book-writing hopefuls.

The place is still busy a half hour later, loud voices and crying babies making it nearly impossible for the pair to hear each other over the uproar of noise. Sebastian leans in just a little closer, his lips ghosting Kurt's ear as he speaks softly into it. He notes with a smile that a small shiver shocks Kurt's body and that the boy smells so good. So clean. So entirely Kurt.

"So, my sister's wedding is next Saturday." Kurt's head is now on his shoulder and Sebastian knows Kurt is watching the raindrops roll down the window. They have a soft blue glow, an effect from the neon lights at the bar across the street.

"I love weddings," Kurt says and _of course _Sebastian knows this. Kurt nuzzles his head just a little bit more into Sebastian's shoulder, sliding his body even closer to him than he was previously and now Sebastian can let his finger's trail the smooth skin of Kurt's arm without having to reach. Kurt has his hands wrapped around the mug of his pumpkin spice coffee, his index finger on his left hand running around the rim subconsciously. Sebastian notes that Kurt isn't wearing his wedding band, but won't question it.

From on onlooker's perspective, Sebastian knows people would think they're together.

"Well good, because I've got a plus one and I'd really love it if you would join me." The finger stops the movement and Kurt turns his head to look up at Sebastian. Both notice how close they actually are, but neither moves.

"Really?" Sebastian hums in agreement. "Oh Sebastian, I'd love too." Sebastian's face nearly splits in half with the smile decorating it.

"Then you might want to call one of your soccer moms up and let her know you'll need someone to take Zeke to your weekly Saturday extravaganza!" Kurt giggles and reaches for his phone. Sebastian can just make out the name Daisy at the top.

"There, all done. I'm officially yours for the Saturday." Sebastian coughs and the coffee he had just taken a sip of makes his throat feel raw. _Yours._

Kurt has now picked up a novel Sebastian convinced the man to read and is skimming through the pages while Sebastian is watching the world turn outside.

They sit there like that until the rain is only a slight drizzle and the shop has long since cleared out. Both mugs of coffee lay cold and forgotten on the table, Sebastian's soft voice being the only sound Kurt hears as the man sings quietly in his ear.

Kurt tries to tell himself that _just friends _do this, but really, they don't. He wonders how much longer he can keep doing this, whatever _this _may be.

Before he leaves to go home, Kurt turns to Sebastian and says, "I think you're ready."

"Ready for what?" Sebastian is tugging his coat on when he looks up and meets those stormy grey eyes.

"Ready to meet Zeke." The moment is frozen between the two until Sebastian's face breaks out in a smile.


	8. Chapter Seven

**AN: Hey there, as always, thanks for reviewing and subscribing! This probably would've been out earlier but i just started summer break and i've been taking advantage of it. As always, check my tumblr (lost-in-maine) for extras, such as the paintings mentioned in this chapter. There should be another chapter out before Sunday. Happy reading!**

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><p>The Friday before his little sister's wedding, Sebastian finds himself sitting on the oddly clean ground of a hotel hallway. It was one of the classier ones in New York, faux gold decor and incredibly clean crème carpet. Random pieces of art lined the walls- replicas of famous pieces from artists such as Fragonard, Labille-Guiard, and Watteau. Sebastian finds himself naming each artist easily; his time studying art in Paris must have paid off.<p>

He gets lost in the Fragonard piece in front of him, one of the more popular pieces of said artist: A woman dressed in a frilly pink number that at the time, must have been a gorgeous piece. The colors are light, almost airy and the brush style is soft and graceful so that it gives off a near ironic meaning to the piece and Sebastian only knows this because he once wrote an essay on the very painting.

From his spot against the door, Sebastian can hear Sarah wailing on her bed, whining about something he really has no time to deal with. He raises his fist again and pounds on the door. She had run in the room only moments before Sebastian was able to catch her and in her rush, had slammed the door right in Sebastian's face.

"Sarah, open the door! Let me in so we can talk." He hears her hiccup but finally- finally there's some shuffling going on behind the door. Instead of it actually opening, the sound of fabric sliding down the other side meets his ear. He sighs softly and pinches the bridge of his nose. "What's wrong, S?"

"Why am I doing this? What if he isn't the one? What if I'm making the biggest mistake of my life?" Sebastian has always been slightly fonder of his baby sister than the rest of his siblings, although he'd never admit it to anyone. He had always been _that brother _when it came to Sarah. He had watched her grow from the little girl he was once jealous of, had threatened her boyfriends, had held her through the loss of friendships and had even introduced her to Brandon.

He always had that need to be protective over her, whereas none of his siblings had ever felt the need to do that for him; it makes Sebastian wonder if that's why he was such an admittedly slutty teenager.

"Sarah," He can hear her start to cry again and his heart clenches- fuck, why isn't he downstairs getting piss drunk? "I know it'll sound stupid coming from me, seeing as I've never actually fallen in love-" Sebastian stops mid-sentence and gulps down the lump in his throat then scolds himself; _not the time, Smythe,_"the thing is that I don't actually have to be there to see how much that asshole loves you." And it's true, Brandon really is an asshole, but he also really loves his fiancé.

The man is what one would call model gorgeous; he stands at six-one with a muscular build and proud shoulders. His razor sharp jawbones and disgustingly blue eyes along with a clear complexion and impeccable style could easily land him a spot on the runway, although he's made it clear on more than one occasion that he only wishes to run his family's business. Brandon comes from a long line of bankers and he's soon to take over the company. Needless to say, his father has been pushing him to get married for the past five years but that hadn't influenced his choice in Sarah at all. Sebastian knew Brandon loved her from the moment they met.

He hears Sarah let out a soft, sad laugh because she knows _exactly _what Sebastian's talking about. He had been on edge ever since his father had forced him into training to take over.

"Love is painful, but it's real. You've seen it with mom and dad, Cara and Sean, Blake and Ally and it's going to be tough for you, but that's what makes it worth it. That's what makes you realize that Brandon really loves you as much as he says he does because he'll stay and fight for it. Once the fire, the anger is gone- well then so is the love. Last night at the restaurant, when you and him were arguing over something so stupid I can't even remember what it was, is when I saw that love.

"Love isn't always gentle and sweet, it isn't always patient and kind but it should always be full of passion and you two have more of that than I'd like to admit to. Besides, if you had any doubts about Brandon or your love for him, you wouldn't be getting married in just under twenty-four hours."

His index finger twitches a bit and Sebastian cringes. He _really _hates being sappy.

The door is suddenly pulled open and Sebastian finds himself tumbling backwards. His sister is laughing and hey, _at least I got her to stop crying. _She helps him up and they move towards the balcony of the suite.

Along the way he toes off his shoes and tosses his jacket on the bed before rolling up the sleeves of his green button down. He notes that she's still in her dinner rehearsal dress, a gold number that he deems way too flashy but has a feeling that Kurt would adore it.

They sit down in the plush chairs and both light their own cigarettes; it had always been something that the two siblings did together. A bit of a ritual almost, if one would call smoking death a tradition.

"Seb," He turns his head her way and watches as she releases small ringlets of smoke. The light of the city is reflecting beautifully off of her tan skin and light blonde hair. _God, when had she grown up? _Although, Sebastian hardly considers twenty-three an age where someone is mature enough to be considered grown up. "Why is it that you haven't married yet?"

He wishes he could tell her it's because marriage equality isn't approved in every state yet, but it is.

He wishes he could tell her it's because he's been living his dreams and traveling the world, but he hasn't.

He wishes he could tell her it's because he's too much of a coward to make a move on the one guy he could possibly have that with, but he doesn't.

Instead he stands and leans against the rail, letting his eyes watch the traffic below and loses count of how many yellow taxicabs he sees. He shrugs in response because he really has no plausible excuse.

"I bet he's out there, you know. He's probably waiting for you too, you know. I'm still surprised that you haven't asked Kurt out yet. You two have been getting pretty close recently- as it seems. And I noticed that he's your plus one, although I did quite miss seeing him tonight."

Kurt hadn't been able to make it to the rehearsal dinner, but Sebastian had told him (with a bit of bitterness in his voice) that it wasn't really that big of a deal. He had just missed not seeing Kurt since Sunday. Neither of them had been able to make it out at all that week. Something about Zeke getting sick and Sebastian's never ending deadlines had them both booked out their asses.

He tried to picture what Kurt was doing at this moment. His watch reads that it's nearly ten thirty and he knows that Kurt has long since put Zeke to bed. He wonders what type of house Kurt lives in, and what his room looks like now that Blaine is gone. Does he still keep pictures of his late husband on the walls or is it too painful? He wonders if his refrigerator is covered in drawings that Zeke's done and maybe, just maybe, there's a few Lego sculptures sitting around the house that Kurt curses about when he steps on one.

He thinks that Kurt might be getting ready for bed himself, something that Sebastian should be doing as well. They've both got an early morning ahead of them.

"You know what happened to Kurt, Sarah. Sure, maybe there are some feelings, but I don't think he'd ever go for it." His sister raises her right eyebrow and Sebastian realizes this is the first time he's admitted out loud that there might be something. Sebastian reaches up and runs a hand through his styled hair; the hairspray and light touch of gel keeping the hair standing up after he ruins the timely look of his _CW hair. _Sebastian smiles to himself at the old insult.

"But I think," He pauses and takes a deep breath, turning his body to look his sister straight in the eye, "he's wonderful and kind, brave and strong and so strikingly beautiful that it hurts every time I see him. He does things to me, S. Things that I'm not used to at all. He gets my heart beating fast and my palms sweaty and he has this giggle that God- and he has got a son, ya know?" Sarah is standing now, her arms are crossed loosely across her chest and she's got a knowing smile on her face.

"This boy, he's the definition of adorable. I haven't met him yet, but Kurt has shown me a few pictures over the past week through email. He looks just like Blaine, curly hair and everything. I've never been one for kids except our nieces and nephews and then Sally, but I think I'd be all right with Zeke. And Kurt, god he wants me to meet him and I just- Sarah, I don't know what I'm doing." Sebastian realizes he's rambling and he looks to his feet, a soft blush is rising to his cheeks and he knows it's been _years _since that has happened. "I never wanted kids and now that Kurt is here and he has a kid, well now everything is all so much more complicated."

Sebastian tries to ignore the fact that he just stated, _out loud_, that he's though about marrying Kurt.

"Seb, the only thing I can tell you is to bite the bullet. He may be Blaine's husband, but Blaine is gone. You've both got to realize that and you know he wouldn't want Kurt to be alone." And Sebastian knows that, he knows that even more than Kurt probably knows that.

"_You're my best friend man; I'd do anything for you –with or without you asking." Sebastian finds himself saying to Blaine. He really didn't understand what was going on and why Blaine was talking about him taking care of Kurt; Blaine _would _be back after all. He isn't going to die in war. _

_That just won't happen to Blaine. He's too good for the world; no one would be cruel enough to take him away. Sebastian barely catches the end of Blaine's next sentence so he asks his friend to repeat it. _

"_I said, I want you to make sure he falls in love again. Do whatever it takes to get him to move on from me. Kurt is the type of person who deserves to grow old and happy with someone." Blaine stands up and moves towards the living room window. It's raining out, as it always seems to be. _

"_I'll try but-"Sebastian is cut off and Blaine turns angrily towards him. _

"_No, Bas, I want you to promise me that you'll help him find someone to fall in love with, even if it's you." Blaine is kneeling in front of Sebastian now, something that only a few years ago he would have made a wise crack about, but this was _serious. _"If you two end up falling in love after I die, which I hope won't ever happen, please don't let my death hold you back from him. Don't let it separate what could be something great for the both of you. Please, just, please."_

_Sebastian notices how wide Blaine's eyes are and realizes that he's about to cry. He's not sure why Blaine is so convinced that he's going to die but he nods his head anyway. _

"_Yeah, B, if I ever fall in love with him, I wont let your passing hold me back. I promise." Blaine lets out a large sigh of relief and slumps down so that his elbows land on his thighs. Very slowly, Sebastian reaches a hand forward and squeeze's his best friend's shoulder. _

_Blaine won't die. _

_That doesn't happen in real life. _

_Only in the movies. _

He had been so naïve.

"_Thank you." _Is all he says and she understands the meaning behind the words. After all, she knows exactly how bad her older brother is with emotions. "Now, since we've both basically had more than enough sappy emotions to last the rest of the year, why don't you head to bed? I've got to catch a cab back to my place and it'll be near impossible at this time of night." Sebastian helps his sister out of a surely expensive dress and into a more comfortable nightshirt, one that Sebastian _knows _is Brandon's and for some reason he starts to think of Kurt in his own shirts.

Sebastian can barely hide the goofy grin that appears on his face.

* * *

><p>Kurt arrives at Sebastian's door an hour early the next morning. It takes all Sebastian can do not to scream at him to go away, but instead he finds himself practically crawling towards the location. He hadn't taken the time to put on a shirt and he can feel his sweatpants riding low on his hips, but doesn't think anything of it as he pulls open his door.<p>

"Yes, I know I'm early, but after what happened at Sally's birthday, I had to make sure you were awake. Which you clearly weren't by the way," Kurt's eyes roam over his body and Sebastian notes with a smirk that his face flushes a pretty pink. "Come on, you need to get into the shower. I'll make you some breakfast." Sebastian goes to protest but he's already being ushered up the stairs.

Kurt finds himself watching the city out the large windows. He wonders what it'd be like to wake up with this view each morning. From where he's standing he can see central park, the small children running circles around their parents and the horse drawn carriages waiting just outside the park, along the sidewalk. The sun is just starting to rise sending the sky bursting with shades of pink and orange.

He turns then, away from the window and moves toward the kitchen area. It's spotless, as usual, and he wonders if Sebastian has a maid or is really compulsive about having a clean kitchen. He grabs the fresh carton of eggs out of the refrigerator and makes a mental note to remind Sebastian to go shopping.

It's a half an hour later when Sebastian finally comes back down the stairs dressed in full formal attire. He had promised his sister he'd be dressed and styled before he arrived so that she'd have less to worry about. His suit is fitted (as any nice suit should) with a skinny lavender tie and polished dress shoes. He had opted for glasses for the day since his contacts still had yet to arrive by mail. Velvet is asleep on his bed and only lifts her head slightly when Sebastian accidentally slams the bathroom door a little too hard. He grabs her off of his pillow, grumbling about shedding hair, before making his way downstairs- grumpy cat and all.

When he steps off the stairs and rounds the corner to his kitchen, he comes to a stand still; Velvet flicks her tail against his arm as she eyes the fresh food Kurt must have just set out moments ago.

Kurt stands at the stove, an apron wrapped around his small, thin waist. He's moving his hips a little bit as he tosses the eggs around in the pan and Sebastian finds himself wetting his lips. Kurt had lost his suit jacket in favor of keeping it clean; his sleeves are rolled up to his elbows and he has lost his shoes somewhere along the way of the kitchen.

Sebastian places his own jacket over Kurt's before moving forward towards the man.

Kurt feels a pair of strong arms wrap around his waist just moments before he's engulfed in the warm, pleasant heat of Sebastian's body. The smell of _Sebastian _washes over him- something so natural and calming that he finds himself relaxing back into the embrace. Neither of them move for a few moments, both letting the feeling of being so _close_ and so _warm _helping them to forget that they aren't together and that this shouldn't feel so _right._

"I made you eggs; it should hold you over until lunch time." Kurt feels Sebastian nuzzle the spot just behind his ear, a place that has lacked any attention for the past six years. It sends a pleasant shiver down his spine and Sebastian smiles wide against Kurt's neck. "I've packed us some small snacks; I know how you get when you're hungry." Sebastian makes a sound of agreement but doesn't let Kurt go.

"Seb, sweetheart, you need to eat so we can get going." Sebastian's stomach clenches at _sweetheart _and he finally drops his arms from the slender waist. He reaches around Kurt and grabs the plate of food before making his way to his oddly clean dining room table.

He's reading over the morning's headlines and is munching on a piece of bacon when he hears the chair squeak against the wood floor as Kurt joins him. He glances over the top of his paper only to see Kurt curled up in a chair holding Velvet as he watches the sun continue to rise over the city.

If it weren't for their pressed suits, Sebastian thinks that this would be how they would spend the morning together. They'd make breakfast, eat together and finally, sometime just before Sebastian left for work, a small boy would stumble out of the door next to the kitchen with a small, sleepy smile on his face and ask, 'what's for breakfast?'

Sebastian smiles around his coffee cup as he watches the sun finally reach Kurt's face. The light hitting his skin in a way that makes him look almost ethereal, a person of another world with delicate and soft features but Sebastian knows that behind all of that is all man. He watches Kurt nuzzle Velvet for a few more minutes before standing and placing his dishes into the dishwasher.

They make their way down to the parking garage standing unusually close together. In the back of his mind he tells himself this is a bad idea, but he wraps his hand, fingers laced, around Kurt's.

A moment later, a squeeze is sent his way and Sebastian grips the hand a little bit tighter.

The wedding seems to pass by at lightning speed, or so it seems to Kurt who now has found himself sitting out back of the reception venue in the small garden. The place they had booked was somewhere located outside of the city, close enough so that he could see the lights reflecting on the dark sky but far enough so that he could actually see the stars. His Champaign flute has been empty for some time, but Kurt isn't bothered to get himself a new one since he knows he'll have to drive home in the next few hours.

He thinks back to the wedding for a moment, the soft lavender and small amounts of accenting white had set the mood absolutely perfectly. Sarah had been dressed in a gorgeous white mermaid gown; her hair was done up in twisted curls with small ringlets framing her face. Her bridesmaids' dresses were gorgeous as well, short, fitted lavender numbers with a small splash of crème on the belt around their waists. Kurt remembers thinking to himself as he watched the wedding party get their pictures taken that they were all _perfect;_ each and every one of them.

Sebastian had looked breathtaking during the pictures, and at that point, Kurt had stopped trying to decipher what it meant; if just for the moment.

It's cold out, seeing as it's now early December, and Kurt finds himself slightly shivering although he's still wearing his suit jacket. On the inside of the building, a group of people shouts 'cheers!' and the room erupts with laughter a few moments later.

The noise gets louder as someone opens the door and steps outside and Kurt wonders for just a moment if it's anyone he'll know.

Needless to say, he's surprised when a warm body sits down beside him and throws his coat around Kurt's shoulders. The scent is unfamiliar, but somehow still comforting.

"You looked cold, figure I'd come out here and try to warm you up." A smooth voice speaks out, Kurt's head rolls to the side and he's greeted with the face of the newlywed.

"Well if it isn't Mr. Brandon Posey himself." Brandon laughs and leans back on his elbows, "What is the man of the hour doing out here? Shouldn't he be inside getting congratulations and wishes of good luck?" Brandon snorts and tips his head up to the stars.

"I should, but big crowds have never been my thing." Kurt finds this entirely too hard to believe, but he goes along with it anyway.

They both stay quiet for some time until Brandon speaks, "Did you know there are over one hundred billion stars in our galaxy? Crazy, isn't it? That there are that many stars and humans seem to think we're the center of the universe. We're microscopic in comparison to the big picture. That's why I've always found it funny that people seem to deem us worthy enough to have an alien encounter.

"Don't you think, that if aliens were to invade, that they'd find someplace with far more advanced technology than what we have here?" He continues to ramble for a while and Kurt can't help but think that Brandon is completely different than the front he puts forward. Kurt knows that he's smart, hell, he has to be to take over a family business, but he's not given enough credit.

"I dunno, I just find it so funny how we can be so small but make our problems- things as silly as love and death- seem so large to the point that they define how we live our lives." Kurt wonders if Brandon knows that he had lost his spouse, but highly doubts it. "It's stupid really, you know, I think we can fall in love more than once. I think it just has to be the right person and the right time. It's like a sign that the universe has aligned, something like 'here's your second chance at happiness, take it now or be miserable,'" Kurt's heart clenches.

"I know exactly what you mean Brandon," he doesn't though, not really but he thinks back a few hours and wonders if he has a chance to.

"_Kurt, come on, come join me!" He laughs as Sebastian spins in the middle of the dance floor alone. No one is at the venue yet since the pair had volunteered to go early and make sure all preparations were in order._

"_Bastian, you look like an idiot; cut it out and come help me fix the tables." Kurt glances over his shoulder and is greeted with the sight of Sebastian moving his hips in a painfully seductive way._

"_Come on baby, just for a bit, before anyone arrives." Kurt sighs and moves forward slowly, regretfully. The name _baby _doesn't register in his head as odd, but rather comfortable._

_Sebastian leans down closer, his breath ghosting the shell of Kurt's ear, "Just forget about everything for a moment. Forget about your parents, Zeke, and even Blaine." Kurt's mind goes blank when he realizes that he's been so caught up in all of the festivities that he hasn't thought about his dead spouse for the entire day. "You're here with me right now and all of the worries of the world can wait for just a few moments."_

_Sebastian's hips land low on his waist, and Kurt folds himself into the man, as they start moving to the music. It's upbeat and fast and not at all how Kurt and Sebastian are moving. Both are sure to keep their hips away from one another in fear of what could happen if they get too close, but being like this… it feels safe. Pleasant. Comfortable. Home._

_Kurt finds himself playing with the soft hair at the nape of Sebastian's neck. His eyes lock on Sebastian's and a small smile begins to play on the corner of his mouth. He begins counting the freckles on the man's face. They're soft and nearly hidden but still there, proof that he isn't perfect although all Kurt can seem to see is the perfection._

_Kurt begins to think about Blaine but stops suddenly when two hands appear on his face. They're cupping his cheeks and are preventing him from moving his head to the left or right so he has no choice but to look up at Sebastian._

"_Stop, it's just you and me. Quit worrying for a few minutes and be here. Be with me." Kurt's heart flutters and for the first time he doesn't scold himself for it. Instead, he wraps his arms tighter around Sebastian's neck and moves a little bit closer so his head can rest on the taller man's shoulder._

_They stay close like that until the first group of people can be heard outside the hall and finally pull away when Seb's older brother, Blake, pounds on the door._

Sebastian had stepped outside about halfway through Brandon's spiel and is hiding right out of the boys' eyesight. The soft faerie lights that line the walkway provide just enough light that he can see both his new brother-in-law as well as his Kurt. Kurt is huddled under a large, leather coat and jealousy shoots through him like lightning. Seb can barely hear what the pair is talking about now, but he knows its something important by the way Kurt's face pulls together, his eyebrows knitting up and his lower lip being sucked under his top.

He continues to lean against the wall for another ten minutes, his arms threaded against his broad chest, legs crossed at the ankles. He nurses a glass of water in hopes to get some of the alcohol out of his system. Brandon finally stands and moves towards Sebastian, but the man makes no attempt to move.

When he finally walks by, Brandon gives Sebastian a soft, warm smile and squeezes his shoulder before saying softly, "go." He's left alone then, besides Kurt that is. When he steps forward he hears Kurt sniff and watches as he gently wipes under his eyes.

"You know, princess, you're generally supposed to cry during the ceremony, not the after party." He sits down right next to Kurt, shoulders touching just enough so that Kurt can bump him to the side.

"Ass." Sebastian chuckles and reaches an arm out to wrap tightly around Kurt's waist. He leans into Sebastian's warmth, suddenly craving the feeling of being held.

"Now, are you going to leave me wondering what you were crying about or are you going to tell me?" Kurt lets out a scratchy laugh that sounds absolutely _terrible _but it still makes Sebastian's heart stutter a bit in his chest.

"Just, thinking about a lot of things, I guess." Sebastian's hand comes up to stroke through some of Kurt's hair; he's quite surprised when he gets no snippy remark, but Kurt actually leaning into his hand. "I don't even know why I'm crying. I do that sometimes, you know."

"And you honestly wonder why I always considered you a lady in high school?" Kurt shoves his body to the right- forcing Sebastian to fall to the side and tugging Kurt with him.

"Oh yeah? Still think I'm a lady?" Kurt watches as Sebastian's smile changes from one of amusement to something resembling one of, god- it can't be, adoration. Sebastian is on his back, his legs open at the knees where Kurt lies; it feels as if they're one person.

"You've never been a lady, Kurt." He smiles down at the green-eyed man before letting himself come to rest on Sebastian's chest, head in just the right spot to hear the ever present heart beat of his friend. Sebastian is real and alive and so _warm _that Kurt finds himself snuggling into the heat of him.

Kurt realizes, for the first time, that he really had been crying for no reason.

It's late when Sebastian and Kurt finally leave the venue. They had remained outside for the better half of the end of the party. So much so that Sebastian had just noticed a blue tinge to Kurt's lips and had long since lost any feeling in his ice-cold fingers. He gently shakes awake the man who mumbles something along the lines of, ''eke, just a few more minutes. Let daddy sleep for just a little bit longer.'

When he realizes that Kurt wont be waking anytime soon, he manages to maneuver Kurt into his arms bridal style. Kurt wakes for only a moment to say goodbye to the bride and groom and wish them well before he's back asleep in Sebastian's arms, cold nose pressed right against his pulse that it sends electric shocks down his body every time Kurt moves it. He places Kurt in his passenger seat before grabbing his cellphone and texting the friend that's watching Zeke that Kurt will be over later in the morning to pick up his son.

When he arrives back at his apartment, Sebastian carries Kurt up to his bed, knowing that the guest bed is much too cluttered for anyone to sleep on. If he remembers correctly, it's got boxes of stuff that he's never cared to unpack; things like childhood mementos, old photos and outdated DVDs. He helps Kurt out of his jacket and tie and sets a pair of soft, worn pajamas on the edge of his bed before gently shaking Kurt awake.

"Go change, it's too late for you to go home." Kurt nods and grabs the clothes lazily. Sebastian hears the toilet flush before the door is opened again, the bright white light letting out a stream across his bedroom floor.

Kurt notices that Sebastian had taken the time to turn down the bed and close the blinds. Something he knows he'll be grateful for in the morning, only so that he can get just a few more hours of sleep.

"Seb?" Kurt's voice is hoarse.

"I'm on the couch. You need something?" Kurt looks over the glass railing at Sebastian's form on the couch and sighs.

"Come on up and get into bed, you're not sleeping on the couch. We've been friends for over ten years Bas, you don't have to be weird and not sleep next to me." Sebastian has long since learnt not to argue with a sleepy, grouchy Kurt Hummel. He watches from the ground floor as Kurt turns back towards the bed; he doesn't notice the large smile on his face.

When Sebastian reaches the top of the stairs he can see Kurt sitting up in his bed, covers pooled around his waist and hair pulled out of its ever-perfected up-do. He's got a small, sweet smile gracing his lips as he reaches a hand out for Sebastian. He notices that Kurt already has Velvet curled up at the edge of the bed, no doubt a bit moody that someone has taken her spot.

He was right; Sebastian's shirt _does _look absolutely wonderful on Kurt's small frame.

Sebastian crawls into bed beside Kurt and watches as he falls quickly into a peaceful slumber. He passes out sometime after that, right after Kurt rolls into his arms and sighs softly on his shoulder. Kurt slots his knee between Sebastians' and they fit together perfectly.

Like missing puzzle pieces.


	9. Chapter Eight

**AN: **Hey guys! Sorry for such the long wait for an update. I was away on vacation and just recently got home. If you've got any questions, hit me up on tumblr (lost-in-maine)! Happy reading. :D

* * *

><p>Three days later, Sebastian gets a text from Kurt. From his spot on the couch, he can see the swirls of an impending thunderstorm. The sky is an angry dark grey; sounds of thunder can already be heard in the distance. He doesn't find this to be a problem; he's not wearing an expensive suit and he hadn't done much to his hair but mess it up with a bit of styling gel before he left that morning. Sebastian's far more worried about Kurt than he is himself.<p>

Getting the text message doesn't surprise him, not really. They'd been texting every day since the wedding, whether it'd be a picture of the amount of work Sebastian had to read through or a picture of Kurt, asleep in a pile of fabric that had been sent from his secretary. Sometimes Kurt would text simply to get his inspiration back on his new line (he joked about Sebastian being his muse) and sometimes Sebastian would text simply because he needed to hear from Kurt.

There really isn't anything unusual about this text, although it does kick start Sebastian's heart.

_Any plans for today?_

_**Not at all, although the Giants' game is on tonight and I had hoped not to miss it. **_He had been lying on his couch, feet hanging over the end, head rested on a pillow and just on the edge of sleep. He spots his goodie basket on the coffee table (a gift from one of his authors for doing a 'work well done') and sits up to grab a chocolate chip off of the top. He loves his authors, but he honestly doesn't see the need for tacky gift baskets. They pay him enough, honestly. He rolls his eyes just as another text is sent to him.

_Would you like to meet Zeke today? _Sebastian leans back on the couch, shoulders slumped forward with his head in his hand; the pressure behind his eyes is the sign of an impending headache Sebastian is not looking forward to. He had wanted to meet Zeke ever since he found out about him. Now that the option was actually there, he wasn't so sure. Sebastian sits there for a few more minutes, his feet now propped up on the table and the soft music of Ludovico Einaudi playing in the background.

Sebastian wants to slap himself. _What are you doing? _He bites his lip and sends the message before he has a chance to second-guess himself.

_**I'd love to meet him.**_

_How about we have dinner at your place then? You can watch football and I can use your amazing kitchen again. _Sebastian cracks a smile at that; he _knew _Kurt would love his kitchen.

_**As long as you're sure Zeke's going to be okay. I don't want him to be too uncomfortable.**_

_He's wonderful with new places and new people. I'll just have him bring some toys or something, that's okay, isn't it?_

_**Of course it is, you didn't even need to ask. See you at 5?**_

_I'll be there._

He doesn't think about the storm or the chapters, his boss screaming at his buddy next door or the way he leaves crumbs on his couch. He simply thinks of the little boy, and that is enough to keep Sebastian's stomach in a bundle of nerves for the rest of the day.

He somehow manages to make it down to Nico's just before they close, which is odd because they never lock up early. He sees Sam wiping down the tables with a wet rag and greets her with a squeeze to her sides. The crackle of the coffee shop's radio makes his eye twitch, the sound being even worse than nails on a chalkboard.

"Seb! What're you doing here?" He shrugs and pulls out a five; he really needs some coffee. He hadn't been in contact with Sam much recently. She had taken on a new job a few blocks away and because of that, she wasn't around as often as he was. The lights flicker above him as a boom of thunder is released causing Sam to look up warily to the ceiling.

"I'm meeting the kid tonight; coffee takes my mind off of things." He's not being very clear but Sebastian knows that she understands exactly what he's talking about. They had had a very long talk after Kurt decided Sebastian was ready to meet Zeke. Sam had set down guide lines, "Don't cuss, don't get angry, blah blah," he had lost her after a few minutes, but it was nice to know she cared.

"Really? God, and you hate kids." He scrunches his nose; honestly, he doesn't _loathe _them that much.

"I don't _hate _them, I just don't particularly like them. They're messy and sticky and not my thing. Sally is an exception." Sam laughs and slides his coffee across the counter to him. He takes a tentative sip and moans as the hot liquid slides down his throat.

"Trust me, you're going to love him." Sebastian highly doubts that, but he really does want to like the little hobbit. He _is _his best friend's child. They chat for a while longer until Rico, the owner of Nico's (Sebastian still can't figure out why he replaced the 'R' with a 'N') pushes the pair out the door mumbling something about a devil storm.

"Love you, Seb. Be nice to the kid, alright?" He chuckles as he wraps one arm around her in a half-assed attempt at a hug.

"Yeah, Yeah, Sammy, got it." She walks the opposite direction with the remark of 'don't call me that!'

By the time Sebastian pulls in its 5:30. There had been a rather large rush of traffic due to an accident right near his apartment and it seemed that he was caught in it just moments after it happened. He winces as he rushes upstairs only to be greeted by Kurt's smiling face in his kitchen. He's dressed in rather plain clothing, a tight fitting black t-shirt and nice fitting skinny jeans. Sebastian takes a moment to appreciate the outfit before stepping forward.

"Your spare key can come in handy sometimes, Smythe. Although you should look into finding a better hiding spot; my six year old found it in under a minute." At the mention of the child, a squeal comes from the opposite side of the house and Sebastian turns his head to look at the living room couch; his eyes widen just slightly. Zeke is playing with what looks like a few dolls- maybe superheroes because for some reason he honestly _doubts_ Kurt would buy his son Barbies. Kurt comes out from behind the kitchen counter and wraps a soft hand around Sebastian's bicep while leading them towards the living room. "He's going to love you, calm down."

"Daddy, will you turn on the TV?" Sebastian steps up behind Kurt just as he bends down to come eye level with his little boy.

"Baby, I have someone I want you to meet, alright?" Zeke looks confused but smiles at his dad nonetheless, the action figures- as Sebastian had guessed- lay forgotten on the floor, now replaced by a plush, golden, stuffed dog. "Bas, get down here." Sebastian collapses to his knees next to Kurt and he finally has a chance to really take in what Zeke looks like. He sees so much of Blaine that he can feel his own heart constricting in his chest; the messy mop of hair, the bright gold eyes and the heartbreaking smile. "Zeke, this is Sebastian, he's one of my and your father's best friends from when we were growing up."

"Hi," Zeke is bashfully shy and Sebastian smiles even wider.

"Hey Zeke," the boy smiles wide as his arms clench around the animal.

"This is Flynn, daddy said that before I was born he gave this to my other daddy but they never named him. So I did!" Sebastian can see Kurt in his peripheral vision, beaming at the little boy.

"And where did you get such a name?" Zeke smiles wider.

"Tangled! Daddy and I watch it all the time! He likes to sing all the parts with me."

Sebastian turns his head to the right just as a gorgeous red blush spreads across Kurt's cheeks. He lifts his eyebrow and the man shrugs, "Blaine and I would watch it on Disney night. It's a classic."

The three of them talk for a little while until Kurt finally decides to stand up and make dinner, leaving Zeke and Sebastian alone on the living room floor. The TV in the background is now playing football, but neither is paying attention to the game. Sebastian is playing with some of Zeke's toys, action figures of Iron Man and Captain America, while Zeke has his own smaller hands around the Hulk and Thor.

According to Zeke, they're battling the giant alien monster in the corner of the room, which appears to be his cat, Velvet.

"Mr. Sebastian?" Sebastian looks up from the toy in his hand. "Did your parents name you after a sea crab?" Sebastian is confused for a few moments so Zeke continues on, "Like the crab! From _The Little Mermaid!_ Can you sing like him too?" Zeke turns his large, brown eyes on Sebastian and he laughs. He'd always hated how people reference him to the character but he just can't help but find it adorable when Zeke asks.

"Of course I can, little man." Zeke stands up and steps forward towards Sebastian while tugging on the edge of his shirt, a tacky worn cotton number with Nemo and gang printed on the front.

Kurt has been watching the entire interaction from the kitchen, right after he hears the words 'the little mermaid' spill out of his son's mouth. He was worried that Zeke would mention the name; he had been on a little mermaid kick for the past few months. Kurt winces in expectance of Sebastian's response, but to Kurt's surprise, Sebastian starts singing _Under the Sea _even going as far as reaching forward and picking Zeke up, who giggles in response.

"_Under the sea, under the sea, darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me!" _Zeke laughs as he wraps his arms tightly around Sebastian's neck and Kurt knows that Sebastian has already got Zeke's approval. They're twirling around the living room when Zeke finally joins in with Sebastian.

Kurt takes a moment to capture the scene on his phone.

When the boys finish their song, Sebastian sets down Zeke softly on the couch. "I'll be right back, little man, but for now would you watch my kitten?" Zeke's eyes grow wide as he nods in the affirmative. Sebastian places the black fur ball down on his lap who instantly puts his hands in the soft hair. "Now be careful and don't pull her tail, she doesn't like that." Zeke giggles when Velvet runs her rough tongue over the back of his hand.

Kurt catches Sebastian right before he disappears into the spare bedroom. "You okay?" Sebastian's cheeks are flushed red and he's got a huge smile on his face.

"Never been better, babe." Kurt's cheeks flush just as he turns to cut the vegetables; subconsciously humming the very tune he just heard.

Only a few moments later, Sebastian appears out of the spare room clutching the Little Mermaid in his hands. Kurt lifts an eyebrow and Sebastian shrugs, "I've been hoping to get some use out of this sometime, it was supposed to go to Sally but I ended up forgetting about it." Kurt turns back to their dinner with a soft smile on his face and can't help but to think of how Sebastian would make such an amazing father.

Sebastian pops the movie into the player and takes a seat right next to Zeke, gently throwing his arm around the small boy. A loud clap of thunder sends Velvet flying off of Zeke's lap and upstairs to where he knows she'll hide under his bed. The lights flicker a moment, but stay on none the less and none of them think twice about the rain pouring outside. They're only fifteen minutes in when Kurt calls them for dinner.

Zeke is rambling throughout the entire meal and Sebastian has lost him between the mention of Superhero day next week and what he had for dinner last night. He catches Kurt's eyes across the table and they smile at each other. Another boom of thunder, louder than the last, causes Kurt to jump; Sebastian looks up at him with a look that reads 'you alright?' He nods his head in the affirmative and continues on with dinner.

A few moments later, Kurt feels Sebastian's foot on his own, rubbing soft circles into his skin.

Sebastian finds himself hoping that the evening doesn't end.

Kurt finds himself feeling guilty, _again._

After the table has been cleared, the dishes cleaned and placed in their respective spots, the three of them are found curled up on the couch. Well, Kurt and Sebastian are curled up on the couch, and Zeke is lying on the plush rug cuddling with Velvet as they watch the Giants win again. Zeke has long since fallen asleep and Kurt looks to be on his way there too.

"Hey, you guys should get going before it's too late. Zeke has school in the morning." Kurt mumbles and pulls himself up from the couch. He wakes up Zeke gently and gathers all his belongings by the door while Zeke hugs Sebastian goodbye. Just as Kurt goes to step outside, a bolt of lightning strikes in the distance and suddenly the room is black. From where they're standing in the doorway, they can see the city's lights flicker outside of Sebastian's giant windows until the entire block goes black.

"Daddy!" Sebastian's eyes widen and he catches the little boy in his arms just before he runs into the kitchen tabletop. His hand reaches up to smooth the curls down; the pad of his thumb gently brushing the falling tears away.

"Hey, hey, it's me, it's Seb. Your dad's around here somewhere. Let's go get a flashlight so neither of you hurt yourselves. Kurt, stay where you are!" Kurt laughs from somewhere around the corner, his nerves caused it to crack at the end. He starts singing softly into Zeke's ear to calm him down, a tune from a nameless Disney movie. Sebastian doesn't stop to think where the fatherly side came from.

"Sebby?" The small hands on the back of his neck clench his t-shirt a little bit tighter as a crack of thunder sounds out, "Was' going on?" His head is buried into Sebastian's neck, his curls tickling the bottom of his chin.

"Well, the power went out and as it looks like outside, a lot of the city has lost power too. What do you say to sleeping over here for the night?" Sebastian is violently opening and closing drawers in search for the large, red flashlight he _know s_he keeps around. Zeke doesn't answer, but Sebastian can already feel his body get a bit heavier as it sags with sleep. He finally finds the light, switches it on, and turns to go find Kurt.

"Hey, Zeke fell back asleep. Why don't you guys just stay here for the night? The weather looks to be getting worse and I don't want you driving home. Give me about five minutes and I'll get the guest room cleaned off so you and Zeke can have a place to sleep." Kurt is sitting on the floor, head between his knees. "Kurt?" The man doesn't move, so Sebastian kneels down gently and tugs the man into his arm, all the while juggling the six year old in his opposite arm. "It's okay, let's go put Zeke to bed and then we can move upstairs. We can talk." Kurt nods in his shoulder and they stand.

Zeke is put to bed some time later, oblivious to the suddenly hot apartment and the ever-constant flashes that light up the room. He's curled up in one of Sebastian's old Dalton lacrosse shirts, arms squeezing the life out of the stuffed animal Kurt had run back into the living room to get, breaths coming out in soft, gentle puffs. Sebastian makes sure to close the curtains before he and Kurt make their way upstairs.

"Princess?" Sebastian's hand lands on the small of Kurt's back as he leads them to his bedroom.

"You still insist on calling me that, don't you?" Kurt has already begun to undress and Sebastian can't help but stare at his flat, toned stomach.

"It'll never get old, and you know it."

"I think I'd prefer if you find some other name." Sebastian is already comfortably settled under the thin sheets when Kurt finally crawls into bed. Sebastian snorts in disapproval, because _that'll never happen._

"So, are you going to tell me what it is with you and thunderstorms or am I going to have to wonder forever?" The word forever makes him stop, _is that what I want? Forever? _They're facing each other, noses barely touching with fingers interlocked between them. The heat between the pair is stifling, the air around them feels hot and heavy and all together too _still. _Sebastian kicks the sheets off of both of them out of frustration of the rising temperature, causing Kurt to smile and bury his nose into Sebastian's neck.

"It's-" the pause makes Sebastian lean forward, his arm reaching around to pull Kurt close into his chest. "When Blaine- when I got the news that Blaine passed, there was a terrible thunderstorm that night. I've just come to associate bad news with thunderstorms. It's stupid, really," his fingers are splayed against Sebastian's heart, the index finger tapping with the rhythm of the beat.

"It's not stupid, Kurt. That's not stupid at all, I get it, you know? Now, it's time you start connecting it with something better. Something happier." _Like me._

"I think I already am." He can feel the ghost of a smile against his collarbone and that's all he needs to fall asleep peacefully; the man he's fallen in love with wrapped in his arms, his cat tangled between their feet and a small child sleeping soundly below them. He really couldn't be more at peace with himself than in that moment.

The next morning goes quickly, at least in Sebastian's opinion. He's woken at the crack of dawn- electricity back on- to a little boy jumping on the bed saying something about needing to go to school. Kurt grumbles beside him before sitting up and stretching. Sebastian pulls the man back down, nuzzling in the warmth of all that is Kurt when the little boy jumps on Sebastian.

"Sebby! I have to go to school!" The boy manages to wiggle his way in between Kurt and Sebastian's bodies, his back again Sebastian's chest. He curls into the pair, not thinking twice about the fact that he only just met Sebastian less than twenty-four hours prior. Sebastian throws an arm around both Kurt and Zeke, pulling them in closer to his body.

"Zeke, honey, I don't think the school will be open today. The street to your school is probably too flooded by now." Zeke squeals loudly and launches himself off the bed.

"Then let's go shopping, daddy! You said you'd get me some new clothes!" He puts extra emphasis on the last word; Sebastian's eyebrow shoots up in question as he looks at Kurt.

He mouths the word 'clothes?' at Kurt who giggles and shrugs, mouthing the words, 'takes after me, I guess,' before sitting up and facing his son.

"Alright baby, go get changed and we'll go out. It's about time we got you some new pants and shoes anyway. You've grown out of your old pairs already." Zeke squeals and runs down the stairs, just barely missing Velvet's tail in his haste.

"Wake me up when he can drive." He laughs in Kurt' ear, sending a small shiver throughout his body.

Kurt laughs and falls back onto the bed, rolling himself back into Sebastian's arms. They stay like that until they hear Zeke whine, "Daddy!"

They all walk down to Kurt's navigator together, and after strapping in Zeke, the pair stands outside the driver's door.

"Thank you, Bas. You were so sweet." Sebastian shrugs.

"It wasn't a big deal, he's kinda great." They both chuckle and step closer to one another. Sebastian slides his fingers into Kurt's and begins leaning forward; his left hand catches Kurt's hipbone and the right squeezes tight around Kurt's. The air around them is thick and heavy and Sebastian can already taste him on his lips; peppermint, chocolate and something all together Kurt.

Before he has a chance to get there, to the lips he had wanted so badly for the past few weeks, he's pushed back and Kurt has closed himself off. Sebastian's eyes widen when he's realized what he'd almost done. "Kurt I'm-"

"No, Sebastian, don't. I- I need time to think, all right? You're- you were Blaine's best friend! This isn't supposed to happen, don't you understand that? I'm not supposed to want you or this or anything that has happened since we've reconnected. I'm supposed to be with Blaine with two point five kids and a white picket fence. Don't you get that? There's not supposed to be an us!" Kurt is screaming at him now, the sound bouncing off the walls is sure to make Zeke wonder. Sebastian's eyes dance over to the window where thankfully, the little boy is playing with his action figures.

"Of course I know that, but I can't help it. I just can't! I've gotten to that point where it's impossible for me to say no to you and it's freaking me out! Blaine is dead, Kurt. Dead. He's not coming back and it's time for you to get over that and move on." Sebastian's fists clench at his side and he almost regrets bringing up Blaine's death, but not quite.

Kurt sighs, "I- I need to get home. I'll text you in a few days, okay?" His eyes are starting to sting and he needs to get out of there before Sebastian sees Kurt's tears.

"Yeah, okay." Sebastian watches them leave and wonders _where the hell did that even come from?_

He slams his fist into the wall when he gets back upstairs; the hole in the wall and the blood dripping down his knuckles is only a small reminder of what he had almost done.


	10. Chapter Nine

**AN/ Sorry for the long wait. No excuses, just laziness. Anyways, happy olympics! **

* * *

><p>It had been seventeen days since Kurt had last talked to Sebastian; technically seventeen days, thirteen hours, twelve minutes and thirty-seven seconds if his watch was anything to go by. He hadn't meant to keep the count, but really, it was almost impossible not to. Sebastian had become such a large part of his life in the past few months that even going three days without so much as text from the other man made him feel awkward, almost queasy, inside.<p>

He sits at his drawing table in his office, the door opened just enough so that he can hear if Zeke calls his name. The sun has just started to set beyond the trees of his backyard, the light that streaks across the floor doesn't offer him any comfort that it normally would. Kurt's leg is pulled up on the chair, his chin resting gently on top of his knee as he stares out the window. The sketches lay long forgotten on his table, eraser shavings lie scattered across the pages and Kurt can't be bothered to swipe them off.

His mind hasn't been at ease since he left Sebastian in the garage. He had decided, against his better judgment, to take a last glance at Sebastian's face through the rearview mirror as he drove away. The look on his face had broken Kurt; his eyebrows had been drawn together, his hand scrubbing angrily at his eyes as he squatted near the ground. He tried to ignore the yell of frustration that he had heard as he left, but even now, it haunted him at almost every moment of every day.

Now, seventeen days later, he wished he could go back and pull Sebastian up, kiss him, and tell him that he was exactly what Kurt needed. He needed the comfort of the words that Sebastian would whisper in his ear every time they'd hug, the ever-present smile on his face that nearly always sent Kurt's stomach in a twist, and the ghost of his fingers on Kurt as he'd accidentally bump him. Even if there was guilt sitting in him, the way Sebastian had fallen apart made Kurt regret ever second-guessing feelings he might have had.

Kurt stands a few moments later, after he's shaken off the thoughts of what _could _have been and _where _he could be right now and _how _everything would be so much lighter on this late December afternoon. Kurt walks towards the window and blows a breath of hot air against the cool surface. His hand comes up and draws a heart, his fingers drawing the letters K & S before he has a chance to stop himself. He stares as the letters as something sizzles deep in his belly and his breath catches in his throat.

In just a few days, Cooper and his family will be meeting up with Kurt to accompany him and Zeke up to their lake house. Kurt would have to put on a happy smile and forget about the man he had broken for a few days. If not, he knows Cooper will be on him like white on rice; annoying him until Kurt breaks down and tells Cooper the truth. He stares at the heart for a few longer moments; it's already started to fade but still burns bright on the backs of his eyelids.

He can hear the T.V. in the other room; the loud voices of the newest cartoon are what drew him out of his thoughts. Kurt swipes the window clean with the sleeve of his shirt and walks out to see Zeke.

"Z, turn it down, you'll blow the speakers." The quiet, 'yes daddy', is enough to please him as he walks away to start dinner.

* * *

><p>Cooper and his family ended up arriving a day later than expected, the weather had been horrible on the drive over, Cooper claimed, explaining that the rain was just a little too harsh to drive through. The melting sleet on the road would have made it all the more dangerous, so Kurt hadn't minded waiting. The rest of the family (the elder Andersons as well as his father, Carole, Finn and his family) would all be meeting them at the lake house the following day.<p>

Kurt had been expecting the knock to come early. He had risen, dressed and slowly shaken awake his son with a promise that they'd be leaving soon. When he pulled open the door he was immediately pulled into a large hug, the smell of something expensive wafting up his nose as soon as he hit Cooper's chest.

"Hey, Coop." He laughed and pushed himself back from the man to greet Lacey, "You look wonderful, Lace. The baby-weight is just falling off!" She was an exceptionally beautiful woman that Kurt had all but expected Cooper to find. Her red-orange hair curled in large ringlets down her shoulders, the green of her blouse helping to make the color pop even more. Kurt knew she had been a model prior to getting married and having the twins and the newest addition; he had been the one to introduce his brother-in-law to his model after all.

"Sweetie, you're just sayin' that, but thank ya, anyways. A friend a'mine is fixin' me up with a personal trainer. I told Coop that there'd be no more babies, lord only knows how true that'll be." Her southern drawl had always made Kurt swoon (anyone with ears would love her accent, sexual orientation aside). "I'll jus' grab your luggage and we can leave." Kurt had leaned down to help her, both of them swatting Cooper's hands out of the way when the thump-thump of two feet sounded loudly above them. His son stood at the top of the stairs- his hair sleep mused and pajamas twisted oddly around his body.

"Uncle Cooper!" Zeke shot down the stairs, his arms flailing wildly as he shot towards the man. Cooper snatched him up before Kurt could get a chance to say anything.

"Hey bud! Let's get you out to the car so we can leave. You excited to get out of this big, old city?" Zeke gently rested his head against Coop's shoulder, his fingers curling around the fabric.

"Yeah. Daddy says that where we're going was really important to my other daddy. I wish he was here so he could see it again." Kurt smiled sadly as Cooper shooed him out the door, mouthing to Kurt, 'We'll be right out.' The door shut quietly behind Kurt now leaving the two alone.

"Your daddy Blaine loved the lake house. He always had, ever since he was as young as you. He loved the water and the fresh air, the snow in the winter and the heat and smell of the fire outside as we sat around in the evenings. Your daddy and him spent a lot of time there together before you were born. It's very special to all of us."

"Do you think daddy Blaine would've liked me?" Cooper's eyes widened; he had never thought this would cross the mind of such a little boy.

"Your daddy would have loved you from here until the end of the universe, Z. I can promise you that. He would've given you the world, just as your Daddy tries to do for you now." It was hard to think that Zeke would never know Blaine, he'd never have that attachment to him like he, his parents and even Kurt had.

"That's an awful lot."

"You bet your superman jammies it is." His nephew giggled against his shoulder, "We need to get going, little man. Do you have everything already?" He gently placed Zeke on the floor, watching with a smile as the boy dashed back up the stairs. He returned a few moments later with a small backpack and a golden stuffed dog. Cooper gently shuffled the boy outside and towards the car as Kurt returned and locked the door.

The drive to the lake house was long, as it always was when driving from New York to New Hampshire. The baby had long since fallen asleep, but unfortunately for Kurt, the rest of the kids were still awake. The twins- Dallas and Austin, identical in every way except for the small mole on top of Dallas' eyebrow and the light splash of freckles on Austin's cheeks- had taken up arguing as their favorite pastime. Zeke was curled up under Kurt's arm, his own held tightly to Flynn as he watched the trees pass outside.

"Dallas, Austin, please. Stop." Cooper glared at the two boys through the rearview mirror; Lacey had long since put in headphones and picked up a book, her ears already tuned out to the antics around them. They didn't stop, much to Kurt's chagrin. Just as the twins were starting to roughhouse to the point of kicking the back of Kurt's seat, Zeke spoke out.

"Daddy! Look!"

Then Kurt sees it, just behind the row of trees, nestled and almost completely hidden from anyone who wasn't looking for it, is the Anderson's lake house. It looks the same as it always did, the grass as green and trimmed as ever and the water is still that murky brown it always had been. The stones of the house are worn and rustic, the reds and browns look warm against the backdrop of the green trees. It's huge, as anything owned by the Anderson's is; three floors, four car garage, a huge porch with a built in fire pit for the cool summer evenings. Kurt knows there's a swimming pool out back, just as he knows hidden just beyond the trees is a tire swing and a shore of sand just large enough to provide a young couple some peace and quiet from the Anderson household.

Kurt chances a look at Zeke and pleasure spreads through him like fire with how big and round his eyes are with joy when he sees the old house. He looks a lot like Kurt did when he first visited the home with the Andersons. It's a nice difference from the sullen façade he had been putting up once Kurt told him that they wouldn't be seeing 'Sebby' anytime soon.

"_Daddy, when are we going to see Mr. Sebby again? He was fun!" Kurt's head pops up in alarm, his eyes pulling from the nearly finished sketch of a dress in front of him. It's one of those rare evenings when neither has too much work to do (homework on Zeke's part) and they're just enjoying some time together in Kurt's fabric room. Zeke sits across from him at his own little desk Kurt had put in a few months prior, his hand gripped tightly around a red colored pencil as he draws aimlessly on a blank piece of printer paper._

"_I- I don't know, baby." It had been ten days since Kurt had last seen Sebastian. He _knew _Sebastian wouldn't be trying to get in contact with him, since Kurt had specifically said he would be the one to initiate the first word. "Mr. Sebby has been very busy recently."_

"_I miss him and his kitty and the movies and the stories he told us." Kurt knew this would happen. Sebastian had always claimed he hated kids, but that never stopped them from falling in love with him._

"_I'm sure he misses you too." He watches as Zeke stands and brings over the piece of paper he was drawing on; Kurt pushes aside his sketches so he can really look at the drawing his son had done._

_Even at a young age, Zeke had always been able to draw. He had a natural talent for art; all of his scenes had been so much more detailed than that of his friend's when he was growing up. Ever since Kurt had enrolled Zeke into an afternoon drawing class, he had only begun to get better. So, when Zeke places the drawing down, it really doesn't surprise Kurt how good it is._

_Kurt reaches down and pulls his son on his lap, his arms looping around his little waist. "Wanna show me what you drew?"_

"_Always!" The drawing in front of Kurt is adorable, as always. The setting looks to be in central park, there's a kite flying high in the sky and a red-and-white-checkered blanket on the green grass. There are three people in the picture and what appears to be a small black cat on the grass. "That's you, and me, and Sebby!"_

_Kurt's heart clenches somewhere deep down as he continues to stare at the picture. _This could be the future. _He buries his nose in his son's hair, the sweet strawberry smell of Zeke's shampoo succeeding in distracting him from his pounding heart._

"_Baby, we'll go see him soon, okay? When Mr. Sebby doesn't have work, I'll let you know. It could be a while, though." Zeke responds with a happy 'that's okay!' and jumps off of Kurt's lap to move back to his own desk, pulling out a fresh piece of paper and starting a new drawing._

_Kurt has that particular picture hanging in his office still, an ever-present reminder of what could have been._

When Cooper pulls in, the snow has just started to fall. Everyone is starting to rustle on their layers when Coop turns the car off and starts unloading their luggage. Kurt helps with the baby and ushers Lacey inside with the order to relax and get the baby back to sleep. The car is quickly unloaded and he settles Zeke down for bed after getting him bathed. It is only then that he lets himself finally relax, enjoying his much needed vacation after the hell he's put himself through. He slowly kicks off his shoes and sits himself down on the edge of Zeke's bed, his hand reaches up to run over Zeke's curls, smoothing them down in a way that he _knows _Blaine loved and Zeke has in turn developed the same love.

* * *

><p>Kurt finds himself in the kitchen some time later, all of the lights are out in the house, the only signal that most of the family is asleep (one or both of the twins are still awake, he can barely hear the soft sounds of the video game from their room).<p>

"Kurt?" He startles at the sound of Cooper's voice, he knows it's late, but his mind just won't let him rest.

"What are you doing up?" Kurt really doesn't need to ask; he had heard Dani crying from his spot against the kitchen counter.

"Feeding my girl, it's my night tonight."

"I vaguely remember doing that, although it was usually my night every night." This is the first time Kurt's vaguely brought up Blaine on his own. Kurt watches the sweep of pain flash across Cooper's eyes, as quickly as it appeared it vanished.

"How're you holdin' up anyway?" Kurt looks at him for a silent second before glancing out the window, the glow of the porch lights reflecting the snow beautifully. "I heard through the grapevine that you reconnected with Sebastian." Cooper watches as Kurt's entire body goes still, his back strung up tight. "So you have, I bet that's what all of this is about isn't it?" He watches Kurt's Adam's apple bob and fingers grip tight to the counter in front of him.

"Where did you hear that?"

"Rachel. If you forgot, she was one of your friends once upon a time. She does like to check in on you with a few of your mutual friends." It wasn't that Kurt had stopped liking Rachel, but after high school they had lost touch, their friendship had faded a bit until it was a little less than a flicker, only holiday cards and Facebook updates left. He knew Rachel was still in the city, starring in an off Broadway revival of _Rent_.

"Figures. I don't know how she finds out about this stuff." He doesn't, not really. His name is mentioned every now and then in vogue, and besides the big speech he gave on equal rights some odd months ago, he really hasn't had any sort of 'press coverage' and won't until Fashion Week.

"I always wondered if you had reconnected with him since moving to New York. How's he doing?"

"Wouldn't know." Cooper's eyebrow rises at this.

"And why not?" He knows he's pushing, he can tell by the way Kurt has a scowl on his face and is breathing harshly.

"I haven't spoken to him in," Kurt glances at the clock, "eighteen days. Not because I don't want to, God no, but because I apparently wreck every good thing I have."

"Kurt…"

"It feels like I'm cheating on Blaine, like I've let him go and you know- I can't even remember what his voice sounds like, or his laugh or the way he used to hum when he'd cook me breakfast in the morning. I can't smell him on our clothes anymore and the mattress doesn't have a dip on his side of the bed. There aren't any dog-eared books that I can reprimand him on and no dirty, sweaty socks lying on the floor from when he gets home from the gym. His shows aren't on the DVR recorder and the record player has such a thick layer of dust that I just can't convince myself to wipe off because that was always _his _job.

"And it's pathetic, it really is, because it's been six fucking years and I still can't go a day without wishing he was with me. And then Sebastian appears and things just- they just- I fell for him and I didn't even notice. I didn't notice until it was too late and I can't stop, but I want to. I have this sick hope deep down that Blaine will just come back—"

"Kurt… he's…" Cooper trails off.

"He's dead, Coop. I know, but I just can't say goodbye to him."

"No one said you had to say goodbye, but I don't think Blaine would want you living like this." Kurt snorts because he knows it's true.

_It's so, so true._

"I need to go to bed, our parents will be here in the morning and you'll need to go get a tree with the boys. I'll help Lacey and Carole decorate with the kids once you all get home. Goodnight, Cooper." Cooper sighs and pulls the lithe man into his arms.

"Goodnight, Kurt. Try to get some sleep, okay?" The younger snorts and hugs back gently before rushing up the stairs. Cooper knows in that moment that Kurt is ready and probably has been for a while to finally let Blaine go to rest. He makes his way to the library- it's small compared to his childhood home's but it doesn't stop him from going to the far right corner of the room. Located right under the pile of books he had left so many summers ago is a DVD. He pulls it out gently and tucks it into his pocket.

_It's time._

* * *

><p>By Mid-afternoon the next day, Kurt and Lacey have already begun to work on Christmas eve-eve dinner (okay, so maybe it really wasn't <em>that<em> important, but it would be the first time in years that they'd all be together). He's kneading dough for pizza, a recipe he had learned on a trip to Rome many years ago when he hears the garage door pull open.

"Kurt!" His father's voice booming through the kitchen sends his heart to his throat.

"Dad!" He drops the dough with just enough time for Lacey to catch it before it plops to the floor and flings himself around his father. "You're here." He all but whispers into Burt's ear; His arms grip tight around Burt's broad shoulders, his nose pressed into the shoulder as he smells his dad- mechanic's shop oil and a little bit of spice- just as he always remembered.

"Of course I'm here, Kiddo. Christmas at the lake house? How could we pass that up?" Burt chuckles and runs a hand down Kurt's back.

"Yeah, Bro, we've missed this place; and you of course." There is Finn standing just in the garage doorway, fumbling, flustered Finn. The very same that hasn't changed since high school, he's gained a few pounds and laugh lines have appeared in places Kurt hadn't noticed the last time he had been with his family. He steps forwards and grips Finn tight once the man sets their luggage down.

"Uncle Finn! Didn't you miss me too?" Zeke comes bounding around the corner, still in pajamas even though it's well past three in the afternoon. Kurt watches with a fond smile as Finn scoops up Zeke and walks in the other room, Burt following both of them with a large smile. Carole pops through the door only moments later, her cheeks a rosy-pink from the cold. She hugs Kurt quickly, mentions about how wonderful he's looking and ventures into the next room to see her grandson.

The Anderson's pull in an hour later in a sleek black car that probably cost all, if not more, of Kurt's annual salary. Clarisse looks as gorgeous as she had six years ago, brown hair cropped into a perfectly styled bob, warm golden eyes (the very same as her son and grandson), perfectly glossed lips and long, toned legs. To Kurt, she looks nothing like a mother and he knows if Blaine were there, he'd agree fully. Dale Anderson has aged, so much so that Kurt can barely see the old Dale behind the withered eyes and deep-set frown on his face. His hair is now completely grey, the effect from stress after his youngest son's death and the ungodly hours Kurt knows he's spent at the office.

They say their quick hellos, and smile sadly at Kurt before moving to the living room to greet Carole and Burt like two old friends. Kurt watches silently as Mrs. Anderson's eyes catch the photo of Blaine from across the room. She takes a deep breath and walks towards it, slowly picking it up and running her thumb slowly over the smiling face in the picture before setting it down in the same spot. Kurt knows it's their last time saying goodbye to his late husband; it's everyone's last time. It's bittersweet, but Kurt would really have it no other way.

The men have already left to find a tree aside from Kurt who is currently rooting around in the attic for the Christmas decorations. He spots them behind a few boxes, each labeled randomly—_upstairs, downstairs, guest rooms, outside_. He starts pulling and pushing the boxes to get to the decorations when he spots a quilt lying across an old, red, plush chair. Kurt shakes his head in disbelief as he pulls the soft, worn fabric into his hands. His fingers trace the stitching, hands running softly over the stitching. Kurt hasn't seen this in six years, not since right before the funeral when the military shipped it to him in a discrete, brown box.

"_Kurt…" Blaine's voice sounds broken, the phone crackles as the signal fades for a moments; the same it's been doing for the past ten minutes on the phone. "Baby, you shouldn't have."_

_Kurt knows he finally got the care package he sent a few weeks prior. There had been a few chocolates, baked goods, some pictures, a small bottle of Kurt's cologne and a handwritten card on top of a quilt that Kurt had spent the months Blaine had been away for training working on._

"_I know, but I figured you'd like something from home to keep you warm and safe while you're over there. I'm hoping you can figure out where all the fabric comes from." Kurt giggles as he hears Blaine's breath catch when he starts to _really _look at the quilt._

"_Well, I can already tell that the corner piece is from your senior prom, oh and then another from the kilt at your junior prom. Here's one of my bowties… I can't believe you cut all of these things up Kurt. It's amazing, God, I love you." Kurt's cheeks flush, the happiness in Blaine's voice sending his stomach into a tumble of butterflies._

"_I love you too."_

Kurt quickly finishes bringing down the decorations, grabbing the quilt as an afterthought before closing the attic. Kurt spreads it across the bed to really look at it; it's been so long that he can't quite remember every detail about it. How the fabric is discolored from the use and the threading is coming apart in the bottom left corner. The name 'Kurt and Blaine' is still intricately sown in the top right, something Kurt had been so proud of when it had been finished. There's a few small stains across it, most of them look like juice stains; Kurt smiles because of it.

"Daddy, we're home! Come decorate!" Kurt looks up from the quilt, Zeke's standing with his fists on his hips, a small pout on his face. "Whatcha lookin' at?" He walks over and crawls up onto Kurt's lap.

"This was your other daddy's quilt. I gave it to him way before even you were born." Kurt's hand slides up and down Zeke's back as the small boy clutches at the edges of the soft material.

"It's pretty, daddy. I bet my other daddy loved it very much." He squirms a bit in Kurt's lap before turning and wrapping his arms tightly around Kurt's neck.

"I know he did sweetheart."

"Will you tell me about him sometime?" Kurt's breath catches in his throat, his arms holding his baby just a bit closer.

"One day, when we're both ready to talk, we'll sit down and I'll tell you _everything _about your father, but for now, let's go down and decorate that tree before your cousins get to do it all!" Zeke hops off of Kurt's lap with a squeak and bolts out the door.

* * *

><p>The next days pass quickly, Christmas comes and goes in a flurry of colors and sweets and hyperactive little boys. Kurt spends most of his time packing up what little is left of Blaine's in the house. He knows the Andersons won't put the lake house on the market but Kurt isn't sure when he'll have time to come back, if he ever does.<p>

The day before they're set to leave, Kurt ventures out to the old tire swing; the small spot that Kurt and Blaine spent most- if not all- of their days in.

"_Kurt, baby, get back here!" Blaine barks out a laugh as Kurt bolts towards the woods, his feet covered in plain Wal-Mart special flip-flops and dressed so casually that Blaine wants to keep him like this forever._

"_You'll have to catch me first, Honey!" Blaine takes off in Kurt's direction, jumping over roots and dodging overhanging trees. It isn't until he hits a small clearing where Kurt stands just in the middle that he allows himself to stop._

"_Whoa-," Kurt breathes out, his heart is still pounding from the running, his breathing quick and shallow; the sight is what really catches Kurt off guard- his breath stuttering slightly. He kicks off his sandals and throws his sunglasses on top of them before stepping forwards. The sand is soft and brown under his toes, its warm and sunbaked; the water is light, clear and shallow, an odd thing for a lake. "Blaine, did you know—"_

"_No…" Blaine steps forwards and wraps his arms around Kurt's waist. "I've been coming here every summer that I can remember, and I've never, ever seen this place."_

_Kurt laughs softly, his hands coming up to cover Blaine's. "Well someone has evidently been here before, there's a tire swing." They shuffle over to the tree it hangs from, the rope is worn and weathered, probably not strong enough to hold both of them up, but they climb onto it anyway. They stay there for hours and just as they're wandering into the back entrance, Mr. Anderson's voice can be heard from the kitchen, "I wonder if they've found our old spot, I suppose that's why they haven't been around."_

"_Hopefully it'll hold just as much importance to them as it did to us." Blaine's hands find Kurt's hips and squeezed them softly. Kurt glances over his shoulder and catches his boyfriend's lips in a short kiss._

Kurt drops to the sand, not thinking twice about the way the sand is seeping into Kurt's back pockets or the way it's absolutely _freezing _outside. His chin rests on his knees, his arms wrapped tightly around the fronts of his shins. The water is lapping against the shore with a bit more force than normal; it causes Kurt to look up just as a large, white yacht passes by.

He misses Sebastian, not just emotionally, but physically so that he can actually feel it in his arms, shoulders, and the spot right where his heart lies. It's the pain that he associates with love, the kind he gets when he reads a well-written romance novel that ends in heartbreak or the one he felt when he first got news of Blaine. Kurt regrets not trying to call Sebastian, so much that he wonders if he'll be able to fix any sort of friendship (if he can even call it that) they had by the time he gets back.

Kurt is so lost in thought about Sebastian, the green eyes that light up, the terrible taste in casual fashion, the way he works so _well _with Zeke, that the sudden crunching of dirty snow and twigs behind him causes him to jump.

"Kurt, what on earth-" Cooper steps up to his brother-in-law and tosses him a blanket. "- Are you doing out here? It's freezing."

"It helps me think, Coop." Kurt sighs and pulls the blanket around him; it's warm and smells of chocolate chip cookies. Cooper sits down beside Kurt and pulls his own blanket around him before moving closer to him.

"Ready to finally talk about it?" Kurt sighs and shoves his face in the fabric.

"Not particularly." Cooper snorts and holds out a cup of coffee that Kurt only just now realizes he had been holding.

"What would you do if you ever lost Lacey?" The question startles Cooper, his eyebrows pulling together. They were supposed to be talking about _Sebastian, _not _him._

"Well, I haven't really thought about it. To be honest, I can't really imagine life without her."

"And now you see my problem, I can't picture my life without Blaine. Sure, he's been gone for six years, but I don't feel like I've really been present for all of it. I've missed all of Zeke's life because I've been so set on not letting Blaine go. Did you know-" Kurt chokes back a sorrowful laugh, "that I still buy his cologne? I spray it twice a week on his side of the bed so I can feel like I'm falling asleep with him. I haven't gotten rid of his clothes; they're all in boxes in storage. I can't even bring myself to get rid of his godforsaken old bottles of hair gel." Cooper knows all of this, he had mentioned it a few days prior, but doesn't speak up to stop Kurt.

"And now, now Sebastian comes along and he's so- he's so-"

"Perfect?"

"God no," Kurt laughs softly, "He's just the breath of fresh air that I craved. He's happy and snarky, intelligent and good with kids- as much as he hates to admit to it. I've even caught myself wondering what it would be like to just let myself feel something for him. I feel so _guilty _all the time though, like Blaine is there and is angry with me for falling for his best friend. It's just not right." Kurt blows out a puff of air, the cold making it just barely visible in the light of the evening. Cooper doesn't talk after that and Kurt wonders if he agrees with him.

Moments after the silence, Cooper pulls him up by the elbow. Kurt follows with a last long glance at _their _spot before pulling his arm softly away and following compliantly. He follows the man into the house and up to Cooper's old bedroom. He picks up a disc off the dresser and taps it a few times against his palm before turning around and handing it towards Kurt.

"Kurt- There's something that I need to show you, that I've neglected to because I wasn't sure when the time was right. Now, it seems that I should've given this to you years ago. I think- I think you'll find this really helpful, a lot more than any advice from me could ever do for you." Kurt reaches out with a shaking hand, his other dropping the blanket on the ground when he sees the word _yours _in Blaine's handwriting.


	11. Chapter Ten

**Life has been hectic! Getting ready for University and packing and saying goodbye is terrible. Anyways, here is the update, i'm not sure when the next will be out, classes start on monday (the 20th) and between now and then i'm going to Disney, watching teen wolf (ahhhhh)/ the Glee Project (go Blake!) and basically saying my last farewells. If you have any questions/comments/concerns, feel free to drop by my tumblr (lost-in-maine) and send me an ask! I'll always answer. **

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><p>Kurt clutches the disc tightly, his eyes glancing up to Cooper's. "I- Coop, what is this?" He watches his brother-in-law's Adam's apple bob, his hands clenching into fists at his side. His blue eyes dart around in an attempt not to look at Kurt.<p>

"It's probably best if you just watch what's on it before you go asking me any more questions. I know the disc is a bit outdated, but I kept the older version of a DVD player around for this reason. Come," His hand reaches out and rests on the small of Kurt's back, the slight pressure causing him to stumble forward and head towards the farthest room in the house. "I'm- I'm going to leave you in here, I'll keep Zeke and everyone away while you do what needs to be done. Just- don't wait to call for me, alright? I'll be in hearing distance. I- I'll check on you once the video is done, and then give you space if you need it." Cooper squeezes Kurt's shoulder in reassurance before pushing him into the room and closing the door behind himself as he leaves.

Kurt walks towards the brown leather chair that is pushed up against the back corner of the room, tucked in between a table and a lamp. The room smells musky, as if Kurt should open the window to let some fresh air in, and by the layer of dust coating most things in the room, he can tell no one has been in here for quite some time. The television is already on, as is the DVD player, which helps him figure out that Cooper had been planning on showing this to him no matter how the conversation earlier had played out.

He pops the disc out of its case, his finger gently running over the sharpied words right before he places it into the player. Kurt takes a deep breath and walks backwards until he's falling into the chair, bouncing slightly from the springs under the cushion. His heart is beating fast and his palms are sweating, he knows what will be on that video. He knows even before he hears the voice.

"Coop, can you please just check to make sure this thing is on? I want to do this right the first time, okay?" Blaine's voice causes Kurt's heart to stutter, he hears Cooper's laugh in the background, somewhere behind where the camera is situated, but it doesn't register because all he can hear is _his _voice again. "Seriously, Cooper, just check." The video has a bit of static at first; the only thing really visible is a black and white horizontally stripped shirt covering a broad torso that had filled out sometime during the training Blaine had gone through.

"Squirt, I don't know why you're doing this. Nothing is going to happen. Let's get this over with, you have a fiancé downstairs baking us food." When Blaine steps back, Kurt quickly realizes he's in the same room that Blaine was when he made the video. He sits down in the same chair, his eyes darting to the small screen beside the lens to check his un-gelled hair. He smiles a bit, his tongue running over his teeth to make sure there's nothing stuck there and Kurt's heart speeds up when Blaine finally looks into the lens.

"Hey baby," Blaine's honey eyes shift down to the watch on his wrist- his grandfather's that had been returned to Mr. Anderson after Blaine's death, "It's uh- it's May 24th, 2015 and as you've just heard, you're downstairs making me my favorite cookies before I leave in a few days even though I promised I'd always bake you some. We both know how terrible I am at that, baking that is. Wouldn't want to almost burn down another kitchen, huh? Anyways, I wanted to make this before I had you shave my head so that, well, so that you could remember me like this. This is the Blaine I want you to remember, the one that you've grown to love and continue to love for forever." Blaine's hand runs through his hair, his eyes darting down and then back up again.

"That's not quite the point of this video, though. It's actually for me to tell you some things that I know you're doing. If you're watching this video, which I hope you never, ever do, it means that I'm no longer there with you. It's been driving me insane just because I don't know how you'd be if I ever did, well, pass on. So, I had to make this, just in case. Just as a precaution. You're my world and this is my way of saying that no matter what happens, I'll always love you. Now, not only have I been going insane these past two weeks that I've been home, you've been doing the same as well. You've been packing and repacking my bag, every time you claim that I need this or I need that and to be honest, I don't really need half the stuff you put in there. Don't give me that look, I know you're doing it too, the one where your nose scrunches up because you'll have denied ever doing anything like that," Kurt laughs softly, his face relaxing because he was doing just that.

"But, I understand what you're doing. You're panicking because I won't be home for a long time, and even the time after high school won't compare to this. That won't be a problem for us; I _know_ it won't because we've done it before. I _do_ know that you're going to worry yourself sick when you don't hear from me within a week or you'll panic every time the news comes on. I will always love you Kurt, every moment I'm in battle, every moment that I'm alive, I will love you.

"And I know you'll do the same for me. Which is what really worries me, Kurt." Blaine saying his name yanks at his heartstrings, they're singing and crying, laughing and weeping, and Kurt has to bite his knuckles to get himself to stop from bursting out in tears. "I really, really made this just because I know that if I have passed, you haven't let me go yet. You haven't let yourself fall in love with someone else, you haven't let him take care of you and you're probably miserable. In fact, I _know_ you're miserable. The only way you're even seeing this is if Cooper had decided that it's time for you—that you haven't moved on.

"I ne-" Kurt watches with wide, sad eyes as Blaine wipes his eyes with the back of his hands. "I need you to promise me something. Right now, I need you to promise me that you'll learn to love again. You'll let your heart open for whoever might be there because I _know_ you're hurting and without someone there to catch you, you'll run yourself into the ground.

"I've always thought of love as- as something like buoyancy. I know, I know, here I go again on another scientific rant about something we both learned about in physics with Mr. Rattan at Dalton. If you remember, buoyancy is- well there are three different definitions. Of course there's the two scientific definitions: the power to float or rise in a fluid, the power to support a body so that it floats, and the one I choose to favor: lightness or resilience of spirit, or in this case, love.

"When I first fell in love with you-, which mind you, I've done time and time again, I remember the feeling as if I were floating on clouds. There was a lightness in my heart because of you, the way your eyes looked in the Lima Bean that day, the way you were so _happy_ about going to New York, how your breath caught just after I said 'I love you' for the very first time. It was like I was finally letting myself be free, letting a bit of happiness into my life because I _knew_ was in love.

"Buoyancy, in a sense, is love. To quote Margo Anand," Blaine pulls out a small strip of paper from under his thigh. "'When you are ecstatic and in love, you feel buoyant, you feel life, you feel like you're dancing in the sky.' Kurt, I've been dancing in the sky with you since I was sixteen. But now that I've gone, it's time for you to get back up in the clouds and dance your heart away with someone who will care for you for the rest of your long, healthy life. Love, so long as your heart is open to it, does all it can to help heal and bring happiness into your life." Blaine is staring intently at the camera now, his hands resting gently in his lap, fingers clenching tightly to the strip of paper.

"So by god, Kurt, let yourself love again. I know you'll never stop loving me, and anyone who deserves you will accept the fact that a piece of your heart will always belong to me. Whether it'd be a hobo or Bill Gates or even- even Sebastian," Kurt's heart skips a beat, "just don't let yourself be alone. This is me giving you permission to move on, okay?" Blaine runs his hands over his face a few times, before turning and looking out of the window just to his left.

"Kurt," his voice cracks just then and Kurt slips down to the floor, pulling his knees to his chest as he watches his late-husband, "I love you. You are my everything, my heart, my soul, my teenage dream. This is me- this is me saying goodbye, no, not goodbye, because we promised we'd never say that. This is me saying I'll see you later, and that I will always love you." He looks down at the tiny piece of paper in his lap before grabbing a pen off the side table. He jots down a few words and silently slips the note into the side of the chair, just between the arm and the cushion.

Blaine then reaches forwards and turns the video off, the screen goes dark and Kurt lets out a strangled cry in protest. He quickly picks up the remote and watches the last minute again. And again. And again. He's crying softly now, the 'I love you' on repeat in his head. He hadn't heard that voice in so long and now it was there again, telling him to let go. He doesn't rewind fast enough to hear the words again, and instead watches as recorded Blaine sticks a piece of paper in the chair.

Kurt turns around quickly, his hands fumbling with the large cushion in attempt to push it up. Once he does so, a wrinkled piece of paper rests on the far left side, barely noticeable. Kurt picks it up tenderly, his fingers shaking gently as he opens it. The quote is on one side, so Kurt quickly flips it over in hopes of finding what Blaine had written.

_No regrets, Just love._

"No regrets, just love." Kurt says to the empty room, his heart stutters as his eyes drift up to see a picture of Kurt, Blaine and Sebastian resting on a bookshelf in the corner.

_Just love._

Cooper's knuckles tap softly against the door twice before it opens slightly, "Kurt?" When seeing him on the floor, he rushes towards Kurt and envelopes him in his arms. "It's alright, Kurt. It's going to be alright."

"He- Coop, he told me to let go. He told me- he told me to let myself fall in love with Sebastian. He said-" Kurt turns his nose into Cooper's neck and lets out a choked off sob.

"He said, he'll always love you and he wants you to love again. I know, Kurt, I was just in the other room when that was filmed." Kurt sits up quickly, wipes his eyes and looks at Cooper.

"I need your keys." His brother in law lifts an eyebrow at him in question. His fingers dig into Kurt's shoulders, and Kurt assumes it's in attempt to help Kurt get a grasp on reality.

"You what?"

"I need your keys, I need to go back to New York, I have some unsettled business there and I can't let it go any longer. Can you handle bringing Zeke home for me? I'll pay you for a rental to get you all home or plane tickets. I just really need to leave now." Kurt stands quickly; he pops open the player and grabs the disc, his fingers still clinging tight to that little piece of paper, he hears it crinkle in his palm and smiles softly when he looks down at it.

"Kurt, it's nearly eleven. You can't-" He holds up a finger to silence his brother-in-law.

"Like hell I can't, Coop. The man I'm in- the man I have feelings for- is sitting at home in New York City thinking I hate him because I couldn't let my dead husband go. When really, Blaine would've hated what I'm doing right now. I- I have to go, Coop." Cooper sighs and stands, he runs his fingers through his hair a few times before reaching for his pocket. He tosses him his keys, and pushes him towards the garage.

"Go, we'll be back in a few days. I wouldn't mind staying here for a little longer." Kurt squeezes Cooper around the middle with a large smile.

"Make sure you get all of Zeke's things and the quilt, please, do not forget that quilt." Cooper salutes him, a small smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. "Thank you, Coop. Just- thank you."

"It was all him, Kurt. He wouldn't want you to live like this. Now go!" He pushes Kurt out the door with a deep laugh. "Go get your man." Kurt hugs him one last time before racing out the door.

It's eight in the morning when Kurt finally gets back to Manhattan. Kurt knows he should head straight to Sebastian's house, but he can't bring himself to do it. Not before he's had a shower and put on some new clothes. He convinces himself that he just _must_ go home, or else he'll make a fool of himself by looking dirty and disheveled.

Which is where Kurt finds himself two hours later, bed covered in an array of different clothing choices, his wet hair hanging down on his forehead, clad in only boxers. He eventually settles on a pair of slim fit skinny jeans, crisp white shirt with dark blue buttons and a dark grey pea coat to help block the cold of the wind. His stomach is churning with butterflies as he buttons the last few. Kurt's eyes catch the words on the slip of paper that now lies on his dresser, and everything calms in him again.

_No more feeling guilty. Blaine would've wanted this._

He smiles wide and heads towards the front door.

* * *

><p>Kurt first stops at Sebastian's apartment. He's assuming, since it's so close to New Year's, literally hours away from the new year, Sebastian would be home doing <em>something.<em> After knocking five times and _still_ not getting a response, Kurt settles with assuming he's simply not home and not actually refusing to answer the door because it's Kurt knocking.

Sebastian had mentioned numerous times that he wasn't much of a partier anymore, ultimately eliminating clubs and bars from any of his further choices. Kurt knows he isn't down by Times Square; he hates large groups of people packed in tiny spaces (which always made Kurt laugh because _hello, you're a clubber, Seb, you have to like that.)_. He knows Sebastian isn't at the market and definitely isn't in Central Park (he _hates _the cold, at least alone, plus it's especially dangerous on New Year's Eve). Which leaves just two options: Nico's and his work.

He decides against heading to Simon and Schuster, with the idea that Sebastian just simply could _not_e at work. So he heads to Nico's with his head held high, his stomach clenching uncontrollably each time he takes a step closer to the small coffee shop. He's darting in between tourists, all heading in the same general direction, getting pushed and pulled and shoved and jostled in attempt to actually get to the coffee house.

Kurt reaches the place in record time, his breathing sharp and short as he yanks open the door to the place that has become _his and Sebastian's._ It's as warm as ever inside, and as usual, there aren't very many patrons around which unfortunately means there's no Sebastian. Kurt lets out a soft sigh and walks towards the counter to order himself a drink. His heart rate has already started to decrease and he's somewhat happy that he hadn't run into Sebastian yet.

"Kurt!" Sam's voice makes him jump, but he covers it with a toothless smile. "I've missed you! Happy almost New Year! Your usual?" Kurt nods and pays her before stepping to the serving bar. She hands him his drink but soon joins him at _his_ booth.

"So, care to tell me what's up with you and Seb?" His eyebrows dart up as he takes a sip.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Kurt places the cup back down on the table and glances outside; the streets seem to be emptying a lot quicker now. Most have already headed to Time Square or are just about home by now, the rest are tourists all bundled in their winter jackets.

"Like hell you don't, he comes in here every day, for at least the past three weeks, mumbling something about how you'll find him here. He's ordered your drink four times in the past week, Kurt. Four! He doesn't smile anymore, he barely talks, he just sits and nods like he's actually listening. Hell, I don't even think there's a person inside him anymore." She leans forwards; close enough that Kurt can feel her breath on his cheeks. "If you don't fucking fix him, and fix whatever the fuck you did to him, I will make sure you regret it, I will."

Kurt takes a sharp inhale of breath before stuttering out, "I-I'm trying! I've been looking for him all day. That's why I came here!" Sam pats his shoulder gently although it still makes him flinch. Her smile is tight and her eyes narrow a bit to see if he's actually telling the truth, when she figures she is, Sam sits back in the chair before crossing her arms over her chest.

"He told me he's not coming in today. Had to go to work or something. Your best bet is just waiting around at his apartment; he won't be going out tonight. Said he's not in the mood for any parties or anything. Fix it, Kurt. Now." She watches as he empties the rest of his coffee. She stands slowly and grabs the empty mug. Kurt stands as well before pulling on his jacket and heading towards the door.

"I will. I swear. He's- he's everything, Sam." He rushes out without as much as a goodbye.

Kurt has slowed down his walking speed by the time he hits the street with Simon and Schuster. It's nearly six and as it appears from his spot down the sidewalk a ways, all the lights are off. Kurt sighs softly just as a large gust of wind rushes through the middle of the buildings. He pulls his coat tighter around his body and looks up just in time to see a flurry of paper and a tall, lean body race around for them.

_Sebastian._

He gathers the papers quickly with a small scowl on his face. He hates the winter, he hates the wind, and he hates the people. He just wants to go home and watch terrible lifetime movies. Sebastian shoves the offending pieces into his side bag and throws it back over his shoulder before heading off in the direction of his home. He had decided to walk to work today, and regrets it fully at that point.

Kurt races forwards, pushing people aside in attempt to get closer to him. The tourists are pushing him back and away from the direction he wants to go which is when Kurt starts yelling Sebastian's name. The people that were pushing him back have suddenly stopped to give him looks.

"Sebastian!" Kurt pushes by a small Asian woman and her husband, he's pretty sure he accidentally hand groped her chest.

"Sebastian, wait!" He's shoving aside a fat, white man who, in turn, drops his hot dog. Kurt vaguely hears the guy cuss at him.

"No, Sebastian! Wait!" He's getting desperate now, his pleas are becoming softer and tears are starting to roll down his face. The people around him are beginning to part when they see the desperation that has arisen on Kurt's face.

"Sebastian!" His voice cracks at the end, and that's what gets the older man to stop and turn around. He looks _wrecked._ Sebastian's eyes are bloodshot, his nose a rosy red and lips turned down in a scowl in wonder of just _who_ could be calling him.

Sebastian turns slightly and watches as the crowd begins to part. He's irritated and tired and just wants to go home and sleep until Kurt gets back. Sebastian knows he's being idiotic, but he's hoping Kurt will call to at least let him know he's alive. Sebastian's jaw clenches as the last person steps aside to reveal none other than Kurt Hummel himself.

"Kurt- What?" He's racing towards Sebastian now and flinging his arms around the taller man's shoulders. Whispers of 'I'm sorry' and 'I'm an idiot' are in his ear, but he hears none of them. Kurt's warm body is in his arms again and he can only smell _Kurt,_ which is distraction enough.

The smaller man pulls back slightly, fingers still interlocked around his neck, his thumbs gently brushing the hairs on the back of Sebastian's neck. Their faces are so close that Kurt can _see_the specks of gold in Sebastian's eyes. He doesn't take a chance to think before his lips are on Sebastian's.

And just like that the world feels as if it's on fire. He's pulled closer, the hands on his hips squeezing so tight Kurt _knows_ there will be bruises later, and closer even so that Sebastian is practically _inhaling_ him as he deepens the kiss. The murmurs of voices that surround them are drowned out when Sebastian runs his hand up Kurt's spine to the back of his neck. The long fingers Kurt has come to love begin to gently massage his muscles and Kurt turns to jelly. Kurt's knees give out, but Sebastian is there to catch him, just like he always has before.

Kurt can't remember the last time he's kissed someone like this. Not even Blaine's kisses felt like this- or maybe they had and Kurt just can't remember any more. It doesn't matter because Kurt is _kissing_ Sebastian and not regretting it.

Not for even a second.

Sebastian pulls back a moment later with a satisfying pop, a small smile pulling at the corner of his lips as he really _looks_ at Kurt.

"So…" Kurt giggles and slides his hands down Seb's shoulders to grasp his biceps.

"So indeed." Sebastian leans in for another kiss, just as intense and heart stopping as the first. Kurt knows his lips are cherry red, abused and bruised but he just simply doesn't care. Because now he's found Sebastian, he's really, really found him. Kurt's the first to break the kiss this time, but doesn't pull away and opts to rest his forehead against Sebastian's. A strong hand finds Kurt's, "Let's go back to my place."

Kurt nods and lets himself be pulled, not a care in the world as he clenches the hand just a bit tighter.

When they arrive back at Sebastian's apartment, Kurt can tell that he really hadn't been expecting to have anyone over soon. There are dirty clothes thrown around the room, a pile of dishes in the sink that Kurt can see from the front hall, and if his observations prove to be correct, he knows that there'll be no food in the refrigerator.

Sebastian stumbles around a few apologies for the mess, Kurt quickly realizes that he's nervous and just making a way to fill the once comfortable silence.

"Bastian, stop. Let's just order some food and put on Dick Clarke's New Year's special. Besides, I've got a kitten to say hello to, so while I do that, you go ahead and do whatever you need to do, okay? We'll talk later, relax." He watches as Sebastian's shoulders slump before he reaches for the table phone.

They settle on Chinese for dinner, although not the healthiest, it's one of the few that will deliver this late so Kurt can't find it in himself to argue.

They sit and watch TV, only talking to complain about the latest pop performer's failure of a performance. Sebastian's head is in Kurt's lap; his eyes lids keep fluttering closed during the commercial breaks. It makes him wonder how much Sebastian has actually slept in the past three weeks. If he's anything like Kurt, he knows that it isn't very much.

At eleven fifty five, Kurt pushes Sebastian into a sitting position. The man grumbles in protest but stops when Kurt turns to look at him.

"I'm sorry, Bas."

"No-" Sebastian is cut short by Kurt's finger.

"No, I'm sorry. I was rude and cruel and just not ready to let go. I shouldn't have run like that, and I definitely shouldn't have made you wait this long to let you know my feelings. I've just been so confused by all of this." Sebastian leans forward and takes Kurt's head in his hands. His thumbs are brushing the spots just behind Kurt's ears, it makes him shiver and lean in towards Sebastian.

"You weren't ready to let go Kurt, but from what happened earlier, I'm assuming you are. Right?" Kurt can vaguely hear the television in the background, the screams of 'four, three,' are nothing compared to the pounding in his ears.

"Completely, totally and indefinitely." Kurt's fingers clench around the soft fabric of Sebastian's shirt, his toes clenching as he leans forwards.

"Good." And with that, Sebastian kisses him soundly just as the clock hits midnight.

Kurt finds himself cuddled up against Sebastian's side half an hour later. They're naked and sated, happy and content to just be _there _for only a moment. Before they have to sit and discuss what they are, before they figure out what to tell Zeke, before their lives restart again. His fingers sweep up and down Seb's chest, the sweat that is already beginning to evaporate is merely a reminder of what happened a half hour before. Sebastian is asleep, if the soft snores in his ear are anything to go by. Velvet is curled up next to Kurt's toes. The city lights twinkle from behind the curtains.

All is calm, all is peaceful, and for once, Kurt finally feels at home in himself, at home in this city, but more importantly, at home with Sebastian.

He had fallen for Sebastian slowly, the feelings just barely there, hidden behind metaphorical boxes labeled _Blaine_ and _guilt._ Waiting and wanting to be uncovered, much like the quilt had been, when the time was right.

When Kurt was ready.

He cuddles into Sebastian, his lips just barely brushing the shell of the man's ear when he says those three little words that he's avoided for the past six years (aside from his father and Zeke, of course).

"I love you." And he does.

And he doesn't regret one moment of it.


End file.
